


Wordless

by Nicidable



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Domestic, First Time Meeting, Living Together, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2018-11-24
Packaged: 2019-02-14 20:00:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 65,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13015095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nicidable/pseuds/Nicidable
Summary: AU in which people have a limit of words they can speak every dayLetters. Words. Sentences. Paragraphs. Chapters. Novels.No matter how much one admires material prosperity, the beauty of nature or the quiet of a lone evening, the world of humans will always be made up by their own thoughts and the speeches flowing into their surroundings. Communication and expressing their own self is the key to the human essence, to their very being.If someone were to set a limit to this way of expression, what would happen to society?If one could only speak a specific amount of words every day, how would an individual choose to spend their given syllables?





	1. Chapter 1

It is in a world like this that a young man named Oikawa Tooru was born into. His early years were spent without many troubles: His parents both had a relatively high limit of words they could speak every day, so his actions were never left without praise or scolding, and his own vocabulary grew steadily. Everyone in their small family was relieved to see that Tooru must have a high LoW - Limit of Words, one so high that they never found out what exact number it equaled to. His teachers even guessed that he might be one of those rare cases one could see on TV, the ones who had no limit. 

The parent’s hearts swelled with even more pride when Tooru took up volleyball in elementary school and excelled at it - he was no prodigy by all means, but the effort he put into it let him outshine his teammates. The boy himself never understood why he was praised just as much for his unknown limit of words as he was for his volleyball talent, when his classmates seemed to have high LoW's as well. It was something he had been born with, so why did adults see it as an accomplishment when he hadn't put any real effort into it?  
It wasn't until junior high that he started to understand.

The first time he saw someone reach his daily limit was in his first year, during a presentation of his classmate. Oikawa - what everyone called him now - wasn't really listening to the blond-haired boy that was speaking about something related to World War I, when suddenly the constant flow of words floating in the air were cut off by a small, gasping sound. Everyone looked up curiously from whatever they were doing instead of listening and stared at the boy standing in the front, who by now had slowly widened his eyes in a terrified look. He tried speaking again, but only a hollow sound came out of the back of his throat. The teacher opened her mouth to calm the boy down but was interrupted by the ugly laughter of the three boys sitting next to Oikawa. They were pointing their fingers at the helpless figure standing still like a deer in the headlights. Some classmates started snickering; others would look at the laughing group of teenagers with an appalling expression on their faces. Oikawa let his surprised stare wander between the bullies and the blonde in front, who had now started trembling.

"Oh my god, reaching their limit in a presentation? Can you believe this guy?" said one of the laughing boys and steadied himself by grabbing one of his friends by the shoulder. Oikawa made out how the blonde was slowly starting to break apart, his shoulders hunching and his gaze fixating the floor in an attempt to block out the words, but failing to do so. When he hiccupped the classroom quieted down, but the surprised faces of the bullies were tainted with grins that showed their lack of remorse. Oikawa could hear hushed conversations of "How high is his LoW again?", "Isn't he a bit too old for this?" that clearly weren't missed by the boy in question. Without saying a word he turned around and stormed out of the classroom, shortly followed by the teacher, but not without her glaring at the group of boys who had started the commotion and declaring: "You three. After class."

"Oikawa? Everything okay?" asked a low voice next to him. It was one of his female classmates, a girl with brown hair that never tried to attract any attention. She was much the opposite of Oikawa. He had not realized that he had been staring at the front of the classroom all this time, lost in thoughts of this newly witnessed situation. He slowly nodded, but he knew that this was even more of an indication of how off he was feeling. "Is this the first time you saw this happen? I heard your elementary school is known for having high LoW's." 

"Yeah.", Oikawa answered shortly, not really wanting to indulge himself into a conversation at the moment. At any other time he would have jumped at the opportunity to talk to a girl, but right now he wanted to be alone with his thoughts, to comprehend what had just happened in front of his eyes, to evaluate the reactions of his classmates, to understand this new finding. Suddenly, words seemed so much more important, and Oikawa didn't dare speaking.

"Don't think too much of it. Of course I feel bad for him, but he's in junior high. He should know his limits and how to organize his daily amounts of words."

"I know, right?" one of the bullies chimed in "But not everyone can have such phenomenal LoW's as we do, right, Tooru?" Oikawa lifted his head at the mention of his first name, only now realizing that he had been fixating the top of his desk. He grinned, the false smile hurting his cheeks a little, and nodded. 

It was the first false smile followed by many, a natural process occurring as Oikawa started to be a part of the group of boys that had bullied the blonde guy. Oikawa found out that they all had high limit of words and were very proud of them. But if one were to exclude their questionable habit of looking down on fellow students with low LoW's (“Two times ‘low’, fits their existence!”), they were quite a nice group of friends. They hung out together on weekends, played video games and helped each other with schoolwork - they were actually quite intelligent, contrary to what everyone believed. Oikawa even managed to get one of them hooked on volleyball, and in exchange let himself be hooked on singing. They would spend some afternoons together, without the presence of the other two boys, giving each other tosses and singing any song they could remember. 

It was the first boy that made Oikawa feel weird. Sometimes he would look at him and his initial reaction would be a thought of "cute", but of course he meant cute in the same manner of calling a dog cute, or so he told himself. He ignored that it was the same reaction he had when looking at a girl he liked.

He ignored that he would have done everything to get his attention, ignored that he was searching for ways to spend as much time as possible with him, ignored the weird pang in his chest when he got told that he had found a girlfriend, a singer nonetheless, ignored the feeling of betrayal and loneliness when his friend now spent most afternoons with said girlfriend.

He ignored it all.

This all lead to Oikawa ignoring the team captain of the opposing team for the practice match. If his thoughts had not been so fixated on the fact that his friend was there, watching the match without the presence of his girlfriend, his eyes only on Oikawa in a familiar manner that let his heart flutter - in a friendship way of course - then maybe he would have remembered this other boy, currently shaking his hand and declaring "Let's have a good game". He would have looked at him, really looked at him, and seen the short black hair, seen those challenging eyes looking up at him, seen his lips forming a thin line on his tanned face. But he didn't.

It wasn't until high school that he realized the reason for all the things he had done: Spreading rumors that people with low Limits of words used it as an excuse to not read things out loud in class. Stealing notebooks that were used to keep track of how many words one had already spoken that day. Thinking it was not fair when some classmates got smartphones to help them communicate and participate better in class. Laughing when someone accidentally reached their limit.

He had done all of this to impress his friends, to get them to see him, to accept him, to not shove him away, to laugh alongside them. No, this wasn't right. He had done it for one friend, his crush.

It wasn't until high school that he accepted that he had liked that boy. He realized this, and many other things had changed as well: Talks with his parents and relatives had made him see that people with low limits were only humans that had simply been born in a different way and that they deserved to be respected like everyone else.

He really started to understand this concept when he got his first homophobic insult thrown at his head, not getting why people would care about something he had literally been born like, when it hit him with the force of a running train that he had done the same thing in his junior high years. Even though he couldn't easily shake off the mindset he had attained over the years - making himself feel superior to others and still having hushed, dark thoughts - he stopped acting on those feelings. He got even more invested into volleyball, became team captain in his last year of high school and joined a local band as singer. When it was time to graduate he decided on a path that was very frowned upon, but he had the determination, the smile and the words to convince everyone around him: He wanted to take a gap year, concentrating on earning money, getting used to living in an apartment without his parents and secretly just wanting to have one more year with his band members that were all younger than him.

And so it came to be that he was frantically searching for a flat that wasn't stationed too far away from the grocery store he had started working in. He had so far been commuting from work and home, but this wasn't what he had planned this year to be like. 

The different apartment ads were displayed on his MacBook screen and he was scrolling past them with a frustrated sigh. They were either too far away from his workplace, had shady descriptions or were simply way too expensive for the young adult and his family. In the beginning he had been set on getting his own flat, but the more he looked at the market, the more he realized that sharing a flat with someone would be the only possibility. If only his fellow third years hadn't all moved away for university; sharing a household with one of them would have definitely been an experience.

A sudden knock on his bedroom door momentarily snapped Oikawa out of his frustration.

"Yes~?" he hummed while keeping his eyes on the screen. He heard the small click of the door opening and the familiar sound of socks sliding on the ground. What was unfamiliar was the rustling of paper, which made Oikawa break out of his trance-like stare and turn around to the origin of the sound. His mother had entered the room and was holding the newspaper in her hands.

"Did something interesting happen?" he asked curiously. 

"No, just politics stuff, but look at what I found!" she said and handed Oikawa the set of paper and sat down next to him. He took it with a furrowed face, not sure what his mother wanted to show him. It was when he laid his eyes on the black encircled announcement that he understood: An apartment ad. 

Of course, he hadn't even thought of checking the newspaper. Everything was usually playing out on the internet nowadays, but it made sense that for example older people would use the newspaper to find a new resident. 'How old-fashioned', Oikawa thought, but he wasn't one to complain if this ad would lead to something in his favor.

It wasn't anything special: It only said that a 20-year old man was searching for a roommate in his 3 room apartment. Oikawa quickly googled the location and saw that it was only a 15 minute walk away from his workplace. It was situated a bit further away from the train station, but Oikawa didn't mind. When he practiced with his band members they usually slept in the small band room they had rented, so needing a train to come home late at night wasn't an issue he had to concern himself with. 

'20 years old?' Oikawa wondered why someone so young would publish an ad exclusively in the local newspaper, but he didn't particularly care. Maybe it was a house where a murder had happened, or a ghost had made the ad. Oikawa almost snickered at the ridiculousness of where his thoughts were headed. 'I really should watch less TV. Or more.' An e-mail address was printed below the ad, and Oikawa concluded that it wouldn't hurt to try. If it seemed shady he could just call it off.

"Thanks mom, I'm gonna mail them." he said with a bright smile on his face. Even though he didn't want to get his hopes up, he appreciated how his mom was supporting him with finding his own flat. She would be proud of him no matter what, wouldn't she?

"Okay sweetie! I really hope that it works out this time. I'm going to make dinner now, I'll call you in an hour or so, okay?", she said as she stood up and ruffled his hair - something he only allowed her to do, and he felt fondness streaming through his body. It made him smile even more, and he liked it when he could be honest with his reactions. 

He still fixed his hair with some quick strokes after his mother had left the room and quickly opened up his e-mail program to start typing out an appropriate letter.

The last few weeks really had been a weird time in his life. He had been staying away from the daily competition of volleyball, resulting in him not having to worry about rivals like Ushiwaka or that infuriating prodigy of a kohai, and only concentrating on his singing and his job. It had helped him with loosening some of the tension he hadn't noticed had accumulated inside him. Not that he had stopped volleyball on purpose: A few weeks after graduating he had managed to worsen his knee to the point of the doctor forcing him to take a break. Oikawa knew it had been his fault for practicing even more than usual, but when he had realized he could use all his study time for volleyball now, he just hadn’t been able to hold back. In the beginning it had filled him with anger, all this resting and sitting around at home, but after a few weeks of doing his daily exercises to build up more muscles in his knee to steady it, he found that taking a break wasn't the end of the world. It wasn't like the time when he had been banned from club activities, but he didn't like thinking about that incident. He just hoped that it wouldn't take too long to get in shape again as he was still intending to take up volleyball in university and try to reach his goal of going pro - so far universities had been very interested in taking him in.

But now he had to find a flat. He sent off the e-mail with a brief summary of who he was and that he was interested in getting more details about the offer. Now he had to wait.  
__________________

Over the last few days Oikawa had been exchanging several e-mails with the current resident of the apartment. Everything seemed to be playing out in Oikawa's favor. 

Due to the ad only being displayed in the local newspaper there hadn't been many applications, which had been intentional. Apparently it was quite bothersome to deal with them, and out of all the interested people Oikawa seemed to be the preferred candidate.

"So we will see each other tomorrow at 4 PM." stated the young man over the phone. 

"Yes, 4 PM. I'm looking forward to meeting you and the apartment!" answered Oikawa brightly.

"I'm looking forward to meeting you as well." said the voice and hung up. Oikawa listened to the beeping tone for a while before grinning and chanting a short series of "Yes, yes, yes!"

No, he shouldn't get too excited, but he couldn't help it. This was really turning out well, and the young man on the phone had sounded like a very nice person - someone you could easily get along with. Tomorrow would be interesting.

__________________

The apartment block seemed nice enough. It was stationed a bit off the streets and had a small parking lot in the front, not that Oikawa needed one. The building was three stories tall, but from the outside it was hard to make out how many apartments it actually held. 

Oikawa was currently standing at the entrance door and was searching for the correct bell to ring.  
"Iwa...Iwa...Iwa...Iwaizumi!" Oikawa mumbled to himself and pressed the small button. After a short moment the door gave off a quick buzz, and Oikawa understood that it had been unlocked for him. He made his way up the stairs - there was no elevator -, up to the third floor. 'This is going to be a bother when I buy drinks.'

When he turned into the hallway he immediately made out a young man that was waiting  
at the last doorstep of the hall. He was waving at him, wearing a white-gray striped sweater and denim pants, and his blond hair had a grayish nuance to it. Oikawa wondered if it had been dyed. As the brown-haired man stepped closer he saw that the stranger was wearing thin glasses that framed his chocolate brown eyes, and that his skin was a bit paler than Oikawa's. 'Damn, he's cute'.

"Hello! You must be Oikawa, am I right?" said the stranger with a cheerful voice. Oikawa felt a bit thrown off - that definitely wasn't the same, matter-of-fact voice that had been speaking to him over the phone. This stranger's voice sounded lighter and had a distinct, bright edge to it.

"Yes, that is me!" Oikawa answered nonetheless and gave his trademark-smile that would make all mothers-in-law fall in love with him. "But I suppose you aren't Iwaizumi?"

The stranger's eyes widened slightly.

"Oh no, you found me out, I killed him and took his place!" he said while pressing his palms together in front of his face and looking at Oikawa. 'Oh god he's definitely cute.'

When Oikawa laughed the stranger breathed out the air he had been holding.

"But seriously, my name is Sugawara Koushi. I'm a friend of Iwaizumi. He has to stay behind in University for longer than he had expected. It shouldn't take too long for him to arrive though, maybe fifteen minutes. And please! Come in! That's what you're here for, aren't you?" Sugawara introduced himself and stepped back into the apartment to let Oikawa in. He curiously stepped through the door and concluded that whoever was friends with such a nice person couldn't be bad themselves. 

The entry hall was small and narrow, but it fulfilled its purpose of storing shoes and some loose belongings in tiny cupboards that were built into the wall. Sugawara walked ahead, waiting for Oikawa to take of his shoes and smiling politely when the boy struggled to open his shoelace.  
A bit embarrassed but now shoeless, Oikawa entered the main area of the apartment.

The hallway formed by the entry hall opened up into a small living room to the right, containing a blue couch that looked very comfortable, a TV with some consoles and a DVD-player, a small table and several bookshelves that were filled with books, movies, video games and some decoration to make up for the empty spaces. Oikawa immediately made out the volleyball lying on top of one of the wooden boards. There was a window on the left wall of the living room, underneath which a table with several plants (of which Oikawa recognized none) was stationed, and a door on the right wall, which could be leading to the toilet.

On the left side of the apartment Oikawa saw two doors that were closed at the present - he guessed those were the bedrooms. Vis-à-vis of the entry hall was another set of doors, the left one leading to the kitchen as Oikawa could make out from the stove and several cupboards peaking out, and the right one leading to the bathroom - the mysterious door in the living room was the toilet then.

"So this is the living room!" started Sugawara and continued explaining the outlay of the apartment. It seemed like Oikawa had been right about all his guessing of what room had which purpose. It wasn't that grand of a tour, and of the two bedrooms Sugawara only showed him the one that was currently empty except of some cleaning utensils. The room wasn't big -smaller than his current bedroom, but he was still living in an actual house - and it had a window on the opposite wall of the door. There wasn't much more to be said about it, so the two men stopped by the kitchen.

"Do you want some tea? Coffee? Iwaizumi texted me that he's just arrived at the station, so he'll be here shortly, but y'know, a twenty minutes walk isn't that short." Sugawara offered while leaning backwards against the kitchen counter. 

"Coffee would be nice, thank you!" Oikawa answered brightly, the craving for a coffee immediately hitting him.

"Okay, you can sit down if you want to. Oh, he only has instant coffee, is that alright with you?"

"Sure, sure." answered Oikawa and sat himself at the table that had three chairs surrounding it. It somehow bugged him that there wasn't a fourth one, but it was a quick and fleeting feeling, like when you expected to have five pieces of candy left and realized it were only four. 

"It's the burden of university students to get cheap stuff, isn't it? But on another topic: I was really surprised when Iwaizumi told me your name. I hadn't expected to see the captain - okay, former captain - of Aoba Jōhsai around here! “

Oikawa widened his eyes in surprise. He hadn't heard anyone addressing him that way ever since he had graduated. "You know me?"

"I think everyone that competed in the preliminaries knows you." said Sugawara, grinning at Oikawa in a manner that made his eye crinkle in an endearing way.

So this pretty person played volleyball as well? Oikawa leaned on the table, his chin resting in his palms that were cupping his cheeks, and he looked at Sugawara in a heightened, interested matter."So you play?"

"Yeah! Same position as you, but far less superior of course. I saw you playing and you were amazing." he said while waving his hand. He stopped when he starting pouring hot water into the two mugs, concentrating on this simple task with a slightly parted mouth. 

'I wonder if this guy would be coming by often.' Oikawa thought. 

"I have to live up to my reputation, don't I?" he sighed, shrugging his shoulders. Sugawara gave him a polite smile and brought the mugs filled with steaming coffee to the table. He grabbed cream from the fridge and two spoons and seated himself in front of Oikawa, before Oikawa asked: "And what team did you play in? Did we ever play against each other?"

"We did as a practice match, but I wasn't playing as a setter that day. I'm sure you remember us though: Karasuno."

Suddenly Oikawa's tongue felt as bitter as if he had taken a sip of his currently black coffee. His feeling must have been portrayed on his face because Sugawara had started laughing. How could he forget Karasuno, with the weird duo consisting of the orange ball of sunshine and Oikawa's stupid kohai. The other players had been pretty formidable themselves, and that's why he respected them, but Tobio was another matter. 

He just realized that he had been calling one of Tobio's senpais cute. 

"Wait, does that mean Tobio snatched away your role of being the official setter of the team?"

Sugawara smiled bitterly, and Oikawa feared that he had messed up. "It wasn't a snatching away, he rightfully earned it. I didn't just hand it over to him, you know? And I still got to play in matches sometimes. I have to admit that without him we would have never won against Shiratorizawa and been able to go to the nationals."

Now it was Oikawa's turn to feel bitter. His team had never won against Shiratorizawa, never mind gone to the nationals, even though it had been a long term goal of his. He didn't show this emotion openly, deciding to rather smile in his trademark-way and to change the subject. "That really was a great time, wasn't it? It's sad to see it go." 

He didn't want to admit that he had spilled more than one crying session worth of tears over the loss of his team. It still felt like someone was tearing at his heart when he realized over and over again that it was truly over now. Would it be the same way with his band? "But what are you doing now? University?"

Apparently Sugawara appreciated the change of subject as well. The wound was just too new, wasn't it? "Ah yes, I'm planning on becoming a doctor! I'm in my first year of medical school right now. And you?"

"Oh, I'm taking a gap year to save up some money. I don't want my studies to be too hard on my parents." Oikawa explained with the reasoning that usually got the most sympathy. 

"It can be quite expensive, can't it? But even without that reason I don't think a gap year is bad. Honestly I'm quite a bit sick of studying, you know?" Sugawara sighed as he stirred cream and sugar into his coffee and then passing the ingredients to Oikawa.

"It's funny how all graduates are way more accepting of my decision than adults." Oikawa started stirring quite a helping of sugar and cream into his coffee and didn't miss how Sugawara was looking at this excuse of a coffee with a slightly terrified look on his face. "And who knows, maybe with this much time on my hands I can finally get a lasting relationship." 

"Oh, finding yourself a nice girl?" Sugawara asked while happily sipping his coffee. Oikawa was wondering if he should correct the boy. Young people were usually more open nowadays, weren't they? Japan was still very traditional when it came to these matters, and so far Oikawa had never told anyone that he was interested in both genders. Saying it out loud would make it official and let it mold into a reality that had so far only existed inside his mind.

Sugawara noticed Oikawa's thoughtful stare, how he was observing the liquid in his cup slowly settling itself into motionlessness, probably waging some options he didn't want to reveal to Sugawara. What Oikawa didn't know was that the boy knew this reaction well enough.

"Or a nice boy. At least that’s my preference." Sugawara added, and that made all the difference. Oikawa's looked up abruptly, obviously not having expected to have the burden of touching the subject lifted off him. 

"Uh. Eh. Either." Oikawa said as he hurriedly grabbed his cup and brought it to his lip. He hadn't expected himself to become so flustered. When he glanced up again he saw the gray-haired boy smiling at him in a warm way. 

"Well, that is actually really good!" Sugawara exclaimed and set his mug down on the table with a small clang. Oikawa looked at him in a questioning way. Was he implying something? "Iwaizumi has a boyfriend, so this makes everything a lot less complicated already. Hell, if you continue like this, you'll definitely get the room!"

So Oikawa had accidentally gotten brownie points by being bi? That was something he definitely wouldn't complain about. "So he's gay? Or bi like me?" Oikawa asked with genuine interest. He never had the chance to talk like this to someone.

Sugawara snickered in response. "Sorry, you just sound so excited. Is this one of your first times coming out?" Oikawa hunched his shoulders a bit, more in embarrassment that it took him so long than in shyness. "That's fine! We all start somewhere. Just give yourself some time and you'll start proclaiming how gay you are like we all do. And concerning Iwaizumi: He's gay. Like so gay. Oh god please don't tell him I phrased it this way." Sugawara said while covering his mouth with his fingers.

"And I thought I was the one sounding excited." Oikawa teased, and Sugawara laughed.

"We all love talking about these things, don't let anyone tell you otherwise." said the silver-haired boy as he took out his phone from his pockets. He quickly skimmed over some messages and sighed loudly. "Iwaizumi, as much as I love you, you can be a piece of work. Leaving me alone with a stranger for so long?" he mumbled and put his phone away again.

"Something wrong?" Oikawa asked curiously. 

"Not wrong. Iwaizumi just texted me that he still had some groceries left to buy. He is done with them now, and he will be here in five minutes. Not that I mind chatting with you Oikawa, but technically Iwaizumi was supposed to be here with me from the start."

"Did you think I would be dangerous?" Oikawa chirped amused as he took another sip of coffee. He guessed that being two people when some stranger was coming over was definitely safer than being alone. The voice on the phone hadn't seemed like it belonged to someone who would need another person to protect themselves, but he wasn't one to judge people by what they had decided to do. 

Not anymore. And Sugawara had ended up being alone anyways.

"Could you be?" Sugawara asked, but his tone wasn’t playful.

"Test me." Oikawa said brightly, but he questioned if that had been the right decision: Sugawara looked a bit glum. Before Oikawa could add anything, maybe an apology, the boy sitting in front of him sighed and closed his eyes. 

"Sorry for reacting so weird. Well, it's not like it's a secret." he said and opened his eyes again, this time fixating Oikawa in a serious manner. His brows were a bit furrowed, indicating he really meant what he was going to say. "Oikawa, what is your opinion on people with a low limit?"

A sentence he had heard ever so often in his life, asked by well-meaning relatives, curious friends, and discussion-enhancing teachers. He wouldn't lie, his opinion had changed from a disgusting one to a tolerable one over the years, but he still felt like it wasn't what it was supposed to be. Maybe it would finally change if he had the chance to talk and live with a... person like that? 'Shut up you stupid brain.' Oikawa cursed at himself. But now he had to answer, as this time the silence definitely wasn't appropriate.

"I don’t think they are a problem." he stated vaguely, cursing himself again for not coming up with a better response in a hurry.

"That's a fact. And what do you truly think?" Sugawara pressured again. He wasn't satisfied by the answer. Who would be? It was concerning a very good friend of him.

Oikawa breathed in and started again. "I think they are facing an injustice that just doesn't make sense. They are being discriminated for something they never had been able to choose, never have been able to change. I myself have experienced how it feels to have a similar injustice directed at you, liking men and all, and I think I can understand them to an extent. Admittedly, I have never really interacted with a person with a low limit outside of school, but I can adapt myself well to new situations. In volleyball as in real life I guess?"

Sugawara nodded slowly as he processed the words. “You pass for now. Sorry, but this is a very important matter to me. Please don't disapp-"

The sound of the front door opening stopped the flow of Sugawara's words. Suddenly the boy switched mood, sighing loudly and pushing his chair back forcefully as he stood up. "Iwaizumi, you said fifteen minutes at most, not over half an hour! What if he had decided to abduct me!” he called out, moving quickly out of the kitchen.

'Well, you definitely are pretty enough for that.' 

Oikawa stood up as well, but a lot less energetic than Sugawara. After these conversations he was really curious who this Iwaizumi was.

"I'm sorry, Suga." answered a slightly familiar voice. It already sounded a lot closer to the one that had greeted him on the phone. Not too loud but down-to-earth, with a nice, calming edge to it - a voice that made the words formed by it believable.

"Don't lie to me, you're not sorry at all!" complained Sugawara, though the tone of his voice betrayed him - it showed that he was more amused than annoyed. Oikawa curiously glanced around the corner of the kitchen door to finally get a glimpse of this Iwaizumi - his apartment was already nice enough.

The man standing next to Sugawara was a bit taller than the gray-haired boy, wearing a simple white shirt, a pair of jeans and a black zip up hoodie loosely draped over his shoulders. His dark hair was short and slightly spiked, and it didn't help balancing out the serious look in his face that was achieved by the stern look in his eyes, the naturally slightly furrowed eyebrows, the thin mouth and his well-defined jaw. He was looking at Sugawara with a smile on his lips, when suddenly his facial features perked up as he finally noticed Oikawa peeking out of the kitchen.

"Oh, you must be Oikawa. Sorry for keeping you waiting." said the man. He quickly took of his shoes and grabbed the grocery bag standing on the floor before heading to Oikawa to greet him properly. "Nice to meet you. I assume Suga has already shown you around?"

"Nice to meet you too! And yes, he has. It's a very lovely apartment." Oikawa answered honestly and flashed a satisfied grin at Iwaizumi, who nodded in return.

"And because a certain someone took his time coming here, I already talked to him about the touchier subjects. And guess what? He's got my seal of approval!" Sugawara added as he skipped next to Oikawa and flashed Iwaizumi a thumbs up. The man looked surprised but content, a look that made him pout slightly.

"Wow, that saves a lot of trouble." he said in that honest voice of his, and gave a small smile to Oikawa, who realized now that Iwaizumi was slightly smaller than him. 'Yes.' Oikawa liked being taller than others.

"As long as you don't bring lizards into the house, you should be set!"

"But I don't mind lizards." Iwaizumi said while lifting an eyebrow. Sugawara gasped in a horrified manner.

"Oh god, you think you know a person, and then they betray you in this way."

Oikawa snickered quietly and added: "I think snakes are weirder. I mean, they have no legs." Sugawara nodded, but Iwaizumi seemed unimpressed.

"Do you have some questions? By the looks of it you are the most suitable person to share this apartment with." Oh yeah right. Oikawa had kind of forgotten that the man currently standing in front of him would be his actual roommate. It made him feel excited in all the right ways. Iwaizumi really seemed like a nice person that was easy to get along with, and he appeared to be very sure of himself. Most people with low limits tended to be shy and closed-off, but this definitely wasn't the case with Iwaizumi. He seemed stable and solid, like his own pillar of strength. 

Oikawa did have some questions though. It wasn't anything serious, only concerning the cost splitting and the rent, the fact that he would only stay for a year, and after some more talking between the three of them when Oikawa could move in. They exchanged phone numbers and Oikawa gave him his home address so that Iwaizumi could send him the contract. Considering that Oikawa's future room was already mostly empty and he himself didn't own that many things he wanted to bring along, they agreed that he could move in within the following weeks.

When it started getting late, they decided that everyone should go home for now. Iwaizumi couldn't accompany them to the station as he still had some reading due for the following day, apologizing for not having been the best host. Oikawa waved it off and explained that he had a great time and was looking forward to staying in contact with him. 

And so it came to be that Oikawa was waiting with Sugawara at the train station, both standing next to each other and looking out for their respective trains to arrive.

"Oh man, I'm really happy that Iwaizumi found someone to share his flat with. He doesn't like to admit it, but paying the entire rent by himself was really starting to strain him and his family." Sugawara said while playing with the straps of his backpack. 

"And I'm happy to have such a great opportunity. He looks like a very decent person. I'm really looking forward to living with him. But Sugawara, I still have a question if you don't mind?" There was just one thing that had been bugging him, one thing he hadn't had the courage to ask in front of Iwaizumi.

"Of course, what is it?" Sugawara hummed.

"I know I shouldn't be asking, but I just think it's important to know?" Oikawa started and continued cautiously when he saw Sugawara halting his movements "What exactly is Iwaizumi's limit?"

Sugawara let go of the straps and put his hands into his pockets, slowly breathing out air through his nose. It wasn't such a weird question to ask after today's conversation, was it?

"I just don't know if I should be the one to tell you or if he should tell you himself.", Sugawara admitted and glanced up at Oikawa, his eyes behind the glasses looking slightly smaller than when Oikawa saw them through the lenses.

"By the sound of it, it seems like it's something I should prepare myself for? And it can't be that bad, he seemed very confident today."

That was when Sugawara sighed again. Oikawa hadn’t noticed he had been slightly rocking back and forth on his feet this entire time, curious what the answer would be. The pale man crossed his arms in front of him and turned his body towards Oikawa.

"It's a thousand words."

Oikawa stopped rocking, his eyes widening slightly. Had he heard right? A thousand words? Wasn't that just about two pages on a document?

"A thousand? Exactly a thousand? Are you serious?" the brown-haired boy asked incredulous. Sugawara nodded quietly. 

People below a 7000 words limit were considered handicapped. It was one thing to speak almost no words because one hadn't gone outside all day, or having to sign with your hands because you are mute, but it was an entirely different thing when one physically wasn't able to speak more than the set limit every day. Iwaizumi had talked to Oikawa quite a bit today - had that meant he had saved up his words for the afternoon? Suddenly the reason why Sugawara had joined them and why he had often lead the conversation made a lot more sense. "That's not much." Oikawa added as he didn't know what else to say.

"No, it isn't. May I ask what your limit is?" Sugawara asked.

"I don't know."

Now it was Sugawara's turn to widen his eyes. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I mean it as I said it. We did the tests, but I never reached my limit. Being completely honest, I've never reached it in my entire life." He was usually very proud when he stated these facts about himself, these facts that made him so special and wanted by society, but this time he didn't feel his chest swelling and the smile tugging at his lips. He only felt the incredulous stare of Sugawara on him, watching with his mouth slightly agape. The boy slowly turned again, standing right next to Oikawa and gazing at nothing in particular.

"Man, you're going to be a weird pair."


	2. Chapter 2

"But you _have_ to visit us on weekends. Not every weekend, but as often as you can manage, okay?"

"Yes mom, I promise."

'As I have promised a hundred times already.' Even though he was thinking that, Oikawa didn't mind his mother being so affectionate and caring when it was time to leave the house. He had finally brought all necessary belongings to the new flat, and today was the day he was officially moving into his new home - though his old house would still feel like home for a long while, as it always does when you move out of the area you grew up in.

"And bring us pictures! You know how much I love pictures."

"Only if you take some as well. Can't miss out on Dad's funny sleeping face too often, can I?" His father grunted in response and ruffled the tall boy's head. He screeched jokingly and immediately raked his fingers through his fluffed up hair to set it in place again.

"Dear, only I am allowed to do that!" his mom said while laughing. She hugged her son again, and even his father gave him a hug and a pat on the back, before Oikawa put his backpack on to prepare himself for leaving - for real this time. They had already said goodbye at least four times, hugs and kisses included, and every time the conversations had started up again. "And you said the boy you’ll live with is really nice?"

"Yes mom, and please, I really have to catch the train this time!" Oikawa reminded her and quickly checked his phone - he was right, he really needed to go.

"Okay, you know how to call us, and if something happens you can always come back!" his mother hurriedly added, giving him a last quick hug and a swift kiss on the cheek. He smiled broadly and waved at his parents while making his way down the street. When he turned around the corner he sped up his step as he would definitely miss the train if he didn't hurry. 

He already missed his mother with her short black hair, and his tall, bald-headed father that looked meaner than he actually was. Oh well, it wasn't like he wouldn't see them next week anyways, and he was too excited about this next part in his life.

The train ride was short and went by without any troubles, and when Oikawa stood in front of the glass door leading into the building, he noticed that the doorbell had a new name added to it.

**Iwaizumi Hajime**   
**Oikawa Tooru**

Everything suddenly felt so very real. A giddy grin formed on Oikawa's lips, one he was very happy no one was here to witness. 

The keys to the building clinked softly in his hands as he opened the entrance door with his very own keys. Once inside he skipped up the stairs, taking two at a time, and halted on the last floor, in front of the last door of the hallway. With a deep breath he opened the last door separating him from his new life.

"I'm home~!" Oikawa's voice echoed through the apartment as he closed the door behind him and took off his shoes.

"Welcome back." answered the voice that would soon become a very familiar one in Oikawa's life. Iwaizumi peeked out of the kitchen, half a glass of water in his hand. "Everything went alright?"

"Yes! I'm officially moving in!" He slipped off his backpack and entered the open space of the apartment. The TV was running, showing some documentary about the wildlife of Australia. Oikawa quickly turned his gaze away before some monstrous spider would fill up the screen. "I'm going to unpack some of my boxes in my room, if that's alright?"

"You live here, you don't have to ask." Iwaizumi answered before returning into the kitchen. 'Oh yeah, right.' 

Oikawa entered his new room and left his backpack on top of some boxes. He had already set up his bed against the left wall (as he didn't like being blinded by the sunlight in the morning), a complementing nightstand, a small bookshelf next to the door, a low table in the middle of the room and a desk underneath the window, but the objects that were supposed to go with them were still stored snuggly in moving boxes. At least he didn't have to worry about a closet as there was one built right into the right wall.

Oikawa took some of the boxes, the one labeled "Clothes! (≧∇≦*)" staring right at his face, and put them in front of the closet. He hoped Iwaizumi wouldn't see all the different emoticons he had drawn onto every single moving box in a fit of excitement. When he had brought them here, he had been lucky that his roommate had been at university and so far hadn’t had any chance to get a glimpse of them.

He started off with the box labeled "Clothes. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)", indicating that he had stored his underwear and some embarrassing shirts he didn't want to part with in it. The empty box was discarded onto the bed, emoticon facing the wall, and Oikawa continued his work in the same manner until almost all his clothes were placed in the closet. It had stung a bit when he had put his Aoba Jōhsai jacket next to his training gear, but he couldn't just leave it at home. He could still wear it on those nights where the realization hit him that high school was truly over now. Did people do such things normally? It shouldn't matter to him, but he didn't like to acknowledge that he had his weak moments. Especially because they weren't as rare as he liked them to be.

He jumped a bit when he heard a knock on his bedroom door.

"Come in.", he said as he stacked the cardboard boxes lying on his bed and put them on the ground. Iwaizumi cautiously opened the door, as if Oikawa might had been doing something in secret, and pushed it open completely when he got a glimpse of the brown-haired boy. It was now that Oikawa noticed that Iwaizumi was wearing grey sweatpants and a loose white tank top. 

He also noticed that this casual style suited him very well. Oikawa had never been able to pull it off, but hey, at least he looked good in oversized scarves.

"Wanna order some takeout? My treat." Iwaizumi offered while leaning against the doorframe. Oikawa asked himself if he did that to make himself look cooler, but he felt like it was too early in their friendship to point that out. Instead he flashed him an excited grin. He was hungry.

"Oh man, thanks! That would be amazing! Do you have some good places here?" Iwaizumi lifted his finger to indicate that Oikawa should wait and disappeared into the kitchen. Oikawa could hear his roommate rummaging through some drawer, and decided to sit down cross-legged. It didn't take long for Iwaizumi to come back with several brochures in his hand. He seated himself at the corner of the table as not to intrude on Oikawa's personal space, and handed him the pamphlets. Oikawa took them and murmured a "Thank you" before starting to skim through them. They were typical ones like Korean, Chinese, and all the likes, but his eyes fell on a burger place. Yeah, that sounded good. 

When he lifted his head he squealed in small terror as he saw Iwaizumi observing one of the empty boxes, currently residing in his hands. 'Oh god, which one is it.' Iwaizumi shot him an amused smile as he turned the box, revealing a "Clothes! ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ" and pointing his finger at it.

"Cute.", he simply said, but Oikawa's cheeks had already started filling with a tickling heat, and he pressed the brochures against his quickly reddening face while whining quietly. 

When no teasing followed, Oikawa lifted his gaze again to an Iwaizumi that was now surrounded by empty boxes, observing every single one of them with a suppressed grin. The brunette shot up in small panic and started throwing the boxes on the bed again, coming up with excuses like "M-my mother drew them!" and "They were already like this when I got them!"

When he turned back around to take the last box out of Iwaizumi's grasp, the man had leaned back and was flashing the "Clothes. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)" label right into Oikawa's face.

Oikawa whimpered and collapsed onto his knees again, face in hands. It was _definitely_ red now. He had known that it would only be a matter of time until his roommate would find out that he was a huge dork, but he hadn't planned for it to be so early. It was when he heard a quiet laugh that he lowered his hands and put on his most unimpressed facial expression.

"You seem nice but you are quite evil, aren't you." Oikawa sulked while watching Iwaizumi trying to calm down. He opened one eye to look at Oikawa and didn't stop his small laugh until he took some of the brochures and was waving them in front of Oikawa's face. The man in question snatched them a bit more fiercely than he had intended to, but Iwaizumi didn't seem to take it as an offense. As Oikawa had already chosen where he wanted to order, he quickly skimmed through the brochures to wave the burger place one back in front of Iwaizumi's face. "That one."

Iwaizumi took it gently, as if to mock Oikawa, and grabbed a flip phone and a small notebook out of his pockets. Oikawa observed him curiously as he opened the notebook and added a small stroke with an included pen. 'Is he counting...?' 

Suddenly Iwaizumi breathed out a " _tsk_ " and put the small book on Oikawa's table before facing him again, more serious now. He closed his eyes for a short moment, and Oikawa saw him moving his fingers as if counting something. Well, not something, Oikawa knew exactly what he was counting. Another " _tsk_ " filled the space around them, and Iwaizumi opened his eyes again to look straight at Oikawa.

"Oikawa, sorry to ask this of you, but can you call?" he asked while opening his notebook again and adding several more strokes. Oikawa batted his eyelids several time. 'They are really helpless, aren't t- oh god Tooru, stop.'

"Sure, no problem." he ended up answering, his passing thought quickly buried inside him again. If Iwaizumi had noticed that Oikawa felt slightly awkward, he didn't show it. What he did show him was what he wanted to order, and Oikawa placed their order on the phone fairly quickly. Speaking had never been a problem of his as he usually knew how to properly use his words. It was when it came to private matters that this skill suddenly left him. By the time the phone call was over, Iwaizumi had thanked him and the two of them had moved to the living room, but everything felt...

...still as awkward. 

Oikawa knew that he was the one who was supposed to lead the conversation now, but it felt wrong when he couldn't really expect an answer. The entire situation was already weird to him as it was, being in a strange house that was suddenly his home. Not speaking was only worsening the moment.

"It's only as awkward as you make it be. Trust me, you're gonna get used to it quickly." Iwaizumi suddenly said, settling himself onto the couch. Oikawa joined him on the other end, slightly flustered that the man had found out the source of his queasy feeling.

"How do you usually communicate, when, y'know...?" Oikawa asked, cursing himself for the vague wording. It had to make Iwaizumi uncomfortable, even if he wasn't showing it. The man suddenly sat himself upright and took a rectangular something off the table - Oikawa realized it was a laptop. He mouthed a small 'Oh!' before Iwaizumi opened it up and quickly started typing out something. Oikawa observed with astonishment how his fingers moved swiftly over the keyboard. He was fast.

Then Iwaizumi turned the laptop towards Oikawa. His eyes quickly adjusted to the brightness of the screen as he read the black letters showing on the display:

> Only as awkward as you make it be. A lot is new to you today, so  
> don't worry too much about it. I can still talk to you this way,  
> if you don't mind waiting for an answer.

'He's way too understanding.' Oikawa smiled, relieved that Iwaizumi wasn't mad at him. He really had to get this stupid mindset of him in check.

"Okay, thank you." he said honestly and perked up when he heard Iwaizumi already typing out his thoughts again.

> So, what do you want to watch?

"Can I choose?" Oikawa asked, and Iwaizumi nodded. As Oikawa took the remote and started flicking through the channels, he noticed the faint clicking of the keyboard again. He curiously turned his head to see what Iwaizumi wanted to tell him.

Clothes. (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)

And that's how Iwaizumi got his first pillow thrown at his head.  
__________________

The next day was a Saturday, and Oikawa had been assigned the morning shift. It was his favorite shift as it included not having to stay up all night (even though he was used to it because of high school), and after his eight hours of work he still had the entire evening to himself.

When Oikawa came home after 2 p.m., he noticed that absolutely nothing had changed in the apartment since he had left it. 'Is Iwaizumi still asleep?'

Oikawa had gone to bed quite early last night as he had to get up at 5 a.m., but he didn't known when Iwaizumi had decided to go to bed. 

It was when Oikawa strolled through the living room to get to the kitchen that the door to Iwaizumi's room opened up behind him.

"Oikawa...? Are you back already?" mumbled an obviously drowsy voice. When Oikawa turned around he saw a glimpse of Iwaizumi's face peeking through the small door gap, room behind him completely obscured. 

Of course he had slept in like the good university student he was.

"Yeah, and by the looks of it I got up when you went to bed." Oikawa guessed and finally made his way into the kitchen. He needed some coffee now, and food. Definitely food. It didn't take long for Iwaizumi to lazily join him in the moderately sized kitchen, wearing the same clothing as yesterday. His eyes lit up as he saw Oikawa preparing himself a coffee. "You want some too?"

"Hmh, but-" Iwaizumi briefly interrupted himself to clear his throat as his voice sounded uncomfortably raspy "-but I can make some myself." 

"Sure, suit yourself." Oikawa stepped to the side to leave some space for Iwaizumi, and the smaller man moved himself into it. With a swift motion he took a mug out of the cupboard, a movement that showed that he had done the very same thing every morning for quite a while; Oikawa still had to double-check if he was opening the correct cupboard. Right now he was using one of Iwaizumi's mugs, but he had taken the three he owned with him, though they were currently still lying in one of the moving boxes.

When they had both prepared their coffees they sat themselves at the table, Oikawa being clearly a lot more awake than Iwaizumi.

"What time is it?" asked Iwaizumi and pushed back his bedridden, dark hair.

"Two-Thirty in the afternoon." answered Oikawa, leaning back in his chair and sipping his sweet beverage. His morning coffee always had to be a lot stronger and less sweet, but his afternoon coffee was an entirely different matter. Iwaizumi sighed as he also took a good gulp of the contents of his mug, him needing the boost of caffeine to even start functioning.

"Hm, that's too late to go jogging...Too hot." mumbled Iwaizumi as he set his cup down to pour some more cream into it.

"Oh, you do jogging?" Oikawa asked curiously. He himself hadn't gone jogging for quite a while as running supposedly still put too much pressure on his knee, but he had wanted to take it up again soon.

"Yeah, you too?" The tone of Iwaizumi's voice sounded interested.

"Yes! Maybe we could go together sometimes?" Oikawa proposed while whirling the liquid in his mug with a casual wrist movement. 

"If you can keep up, sure."

"Hey, I'm actually quite fit, okay!" Oikawa defended himself. He didn't miss that for a short moment Iwaizumi's eyes flickered down his body, but only so briefly that it didn't pass as a checking out.

"Then fine by me." Iwaizumi settled.

"If you can get up before lunchtime." Oikawa added, not wanting Iwaizumi to have the last word. The man averted his eyes and pressed his lips together in a way of saying 'Well he's not wrong.' 

"I can make some exceptions."

Oikawa stuck out the tip of his tongue while grinning. 

"By the way, we should go grocery shopping today." Iwaizumi said after chugging down the rest of his coffee.

"Oh yeah, good idea." 

Oikawa didn't want to admit that he still felt kind of awkward around Iwaizumi and the apartment. He couldn't shake off the feeling that he was intruding in someone's home, even when he really wasn't. To have food in the house that he knew he had bought himself and that he could use to his liking would definitely ease this weird sensation.

And he was hungry.

Oikawa waited for Iwaizumi to change into some summer-suited clothing - He himself was still in his outside-attire. Nothing special, only some comfortable white shorts and a light blue shirt, but the colors helped dealing with the skin-melting heat.

Oikawa was leaning against the back rest of the Sofa while lazily checking his phone. The only message he had gotten was a "I hope your first night went well! ♥ Fight!" from his mom, which brought a small, fond smile to his face. He decided to call her in the evening to show that everything was okay, and to maybe hint at this queasy feeling that had so far been accompanying him. 

His eyes flicked up as he heard Iwaizumi's door open, and he lowered his phone when he saw the man leaving his room: He was wearing a black tank top with the Nike logo on it, and dark shorts that were already quite washed out.

"It's pretty much hell's furnace out there, you're going to die." he remarked as he pocketed his phone. Iwaizumi looked at him and shrugged his shoulders.

"Only the weak don't wear black in summer." 'Is he serious.'

Oikawa found out that he was. 

And that he coped well with it. While Oikawa felt his entire being slowly transcending into soup, Iwaizumi didn't complain a single time, even though Oikawa noticed the small layer of sweat that had formed on the other man's forehead.

"It's hooooooot." Oikawa complained for the millionth time.

"Says the one wearing bright clothing." Iwaizumi remarked with a neutral face.

"That doesn't change the fact that it's freaking hot!" Oikawa continued as he adjusted his backpack with some lazy shoulder movements. 'Sticky.' 

Iwaizumi lifted his head to look at the cloudless sky, squinting his eyes at the overly blue hue.

"Hoooooooooot.", Oikawa breathed again and let his head sack forward, face towards the concrete and arms swaying loosely at his sides. He suddenly felt a fist nudging his shoulder, and he languidly turned his gaze towards Iwaizumi. His dark brown hair seemed just a tad shinier in the bright sun.

"Tell me before you overheat, we can find a shadowy place to rest."

"I can take it! It's not a long walk!" Oikawa suddenly felt the spurt of pride in his body, making him stand upright again. Iwaizumi shrugged his shoulders, but halted when he heard a whispered " _I'm not going to lose to a black-wearing freak._ "

"Freak?" Iwaizumi deadpanned while looking at Oikawa with half-lidded eyes and furrowed eyebrows. 

" _Ack._ " Oikawa stumbled over his own foot, realizing his offhand comment had been noticed. "You know, some people like being called freaks~?"

"Don't even try to save it." Oikawa glanced at Iwaizumi, a bit worried that he had made his new roommate mad, but he seemed more amused than anything else. It would have been a lie if Oikawa had said that he didn't like the way this man had handled all the situations involving Oikawa so far.

"I have to, after all this is bonding time we're having here!"

Iwaizumi mouthed the words 'bonding time' and slowly turned his head to the front. " _What did I let into my house._ " he whispered.

"Hey! I heard that!" Oikawa complained in a theatrical way, making sure to let Iwaizumi know that he wasn't actually offended.

"That was my intention."

" _Hey!_ "

Shortly after they arrived at the convenience store Oikawa worked at. As they entered Oikawa greeted the person that had taken over the next shift at the register, engaging in a quick chat that it was truly way too warm outside and that they never wanted to leave the air-conditioned store ever again. Iwaizumi had agreed on that.

They bought all the food items that were used by both, such as rice, vegetables, noodles, and the likes, and some individual necessities which were paid separately by themselves. Oikawa also bought some sweet pastry he loved to eat on his breaks, and Iwaizumi got himself dark chocolate with peppermint-filling. "How adult." Oikawa teased, and Iwaizumi shot back "How predictable". An employee snickered in the background.

When they entered the corner that held coffee-related items, Iwaizumi took out his notebook and wrote a "About 200." on the top of a new page. 'Already?'

Oikawa shifted slightly as he waited for Iwaizumi to put away the small book again. 

"What do you do when you reach your limit when you're outside like now?" Oikawa asked to fill the silence, and because he was genuinely interested. He didn't dare to speak loudly, as it was one of the subjects people usually avoided talking about in public. 

Iwaizumi blinked up at him, surprised that Oikawa had touched the subject. He looked down at his pocket and swiftly grabbed his notebook again to turn to one of the earlier pages, one that had his part of a conversation written down.

"Oh, I see. Isn't that kind of unpractical though?" Oikawa had expected Iwaizumi to shrug his shoulders and say that he was used to it, but instead the shorter man sighed and closed his eyes.

"Of course, but I can't really bring my laptop with me all the time."

"Aren't there smartphones to help with that?" Oikawa asked. He remembered it well from his school days.

"Do I look like I can afford one?" Iwaizumi said, the tone of his voice a bit harsher than before. Oikawa had not been the first person to point that out.

"I guess being a university student really doesn't leave you with much time for a job, does it?" It had been Oikawa's attempt to sound compassionate, but it had seemingly backfired as Iwaizumi sighed one more time. 

"The thing is, I want to work, but it's really hard to find a job. I can't work in a call center for obvious reasons, same goes for anything involving customers. Not speaking is seen as rude and is only an unnecessary hurdle for employers. So yeah." As he finished the sentence he picked the pen out of his notebook again and wrote a ‘About 280’ underneath the first line.

Oikawa swallowed. This was something he had never considered, and it made him feel very bad about ever having said that people with a low limit used their handicap as an excuse. 

He wished that he hadn't touched the subject. It truly was something you shouldn't discuss in public, was it? 

Suddenly a piece of paper was put into his line of vision, and his eyes focused on it.

> Don't make a face like I just took your candy away.  
> Let's continue shopping, okay?

Oikawa nodded and put up a smile to hide his remaining uneasiness, and Iwaizumi nodded back. They continued down the aisle, and Oikawa caught himself paying more attention to Iwaizumi's actions than he had before: He realized that every time Iwaizumi was in someone’s way he apologized, every time he unintentionally held a brief eye contact with a stranger he greeted them, and every time someone moved out of the way he thanked them.

He was using his words like he had no limit at all.

"...- thank you for your purchase! Have a nice day! And Oikawa, see you Monday!"

"Yeah, see you! Have fun!" Oikawa's coworker sighed as he turned towards the next customer to welcome them with a bright smile.

"Have a nice day." Iwaizumi added even though the cashier wasn't listening anymore. He headed towards the entrance, shortly followed by Oikawa. As the door opened they were greeted by the searing heat, making the both of them groan in displeasure. They started their walk home, and Iwaizumi took out his notebook again to make changes in his word count. 

He must have felt Oikawa's stare as he turned his head to look at him. "Something wrong?"

"No, I was just thinking about how many words you actually spent inside that shop. You know, saying thank you and sorry." Oikawa said. Iwaizumi glanced at the wall they passed before looking at Oikawa again.

"I believe that being nice is important." Iwaizumi answered shortly. Oikawa knew that his must had been the reason, but it made him feel weird to hear it, even though he couldn't pinpoint exactly why. It was common sense, wasn't it?

"And hey." Iwaizumi suddenly spoke up. He was now facing the path they were walking on, not looking at his roommate walking next to him. Oikawa lifted his eyebrows in an asking manner.

"Hm?"

"My entire being doesn't revolve around having a low limit." 

Ah man, Oikawa had finally managed to make him uncomfortable. Good job.

"I know. It's just the thing of _what_ you are using your words for. If I have to guess, that does make up a lot of your being. And it seems like a good one, honestly."

This seemed to take Iwaizumi aback. He was quiet, and Oikawa could see out of the corner of his eyes that he was looking down at his walking feet.

"Thanks.", he murmured, so soft that Oikawa barely heard it.

Oh. 

Now he knew why Iwaizumi being nice had made him feel weird.

It was because Oikawa, with his apparently endless amount of words, had chosen so many times to hurt others with them.  
__________________

The awkward tension had vanished fairly fast, but the two men didn't indulge in any new conversation, mainly because the heat was draining their energy level at a rapid pace, and talking only worsened it.

When they arrived at home they placed everything onto the kitchen table and forced themselves to put all the items away, before taking turns at taking a cold shower. Oikawa had gone first and had now started unboxing the rest of his belongings in his air conditioned room. He finally set up his laptop on his desk and checked if everything was still working properly - there were enough horror stories of computers breaking when moving. A MacBook wasn't the cheapest product on the market after all.

When he concluded that it was in perfect condition, he continued putting his few leftover belongings into place. He sighed quietly when he laid his volleyball on his nightstand. Outside the room he could hear Iwaizumi talking - he was probably on the phone. The sound was cut off when the man moved inside his own room, leaving Oikawa alone with the whirring sound of the AC.

It was about an hour later that there was a knock on Oikawa's door.

"Yes~?" answered Oikawa in his usual drawn-out way. He was lying on his bed, reading a manga he had bought some weeks ago. 

Iwaizumi entered, back in his attire of sweatpants and tank top. Not that Oikawa was any better, wearing his own sweatpants and a cotton shirt.

Oikawa put the small book on his bed and propped himself up on his elbows to properly look at Iwaizumi. The man was currently staring at his laptop.

"Seriously, Apple?"

"What, something wrong with that?" Oikawa pushed himself up even more to sit cross-legged on his bed.

"I was just thinking earlier that you looked like an Apple person, but that you actually are one." 

Oikawa pouted. What was wrong with having a stable computer that looked good? "I bet you use Windows."

"I do."

Well, that explained everything. 

"So, what do you want?" Oikawa asked.

"Spirited Away is on TV and I was wondering if maybe you'd want to watch it.", Iwaizumi asked while offhandedly shrugging his shoulders. Oikawa considered for a moment. He could put off reading his manga for an hour or two to watch one of his favorite childhood movies with this new person. As soon as everything would start to settle he'd definitely get enough time for himself.

"Yeah, sure!" Iwaizumi put on that small, content smile Oikawa had seen the first day he had met the man. Oikawa got up from his bed with one quick roll and followed Iwaizumi into the living room. The movie had already started, considering it was broadcasted on TV, but Oikawa didn't mind. He knew the story well enough.

"Want something to drink?" Iwaizumi asked as he headed into the kitchen.

"Coke, please." Iwaizumi nodded, and Oikawa seated himself in the right corner of the couch while waiting for his drink and roommate. Both appeared in his line of vision shortly after. Oikawa thanked Iwaizumi when he was given his beverage, and Iwaizumi sat himself on the other end of the couch, which honestly wasn't too far away as the couch didn't seat more than three people. Nevertheless there was enough room for Oikawa to lazily put up his legs and bend them next to him. 

They watched the movie in peace and quiet. Oikawa was completely indulged in the feeling of nostalgia that rushed over him when seeing those scenes that had followed him through his childhood. It was only when the commercials started that both men began to stir again. Oikawa had almost forgotten that Iwaizumi was present as well - a nice change of pace to his usual friends who would comment on every single scene and snicker about some immature jokes; Not that Oikawa couldn't be like that as well, but when he really wanted to enjoy a movie, he got into a zone he didn't like having interrupted.

"There is a theory that Spirited Away is a metaphor for prostitution.", Oikawa said to break the awkward silence that always formed when minds would slowly get dragged back into reality by overly loud commercials. Iwaizumi seemed to consider Oikawa's statement.

"Really? That's...Oh what the hell, that actually makes sense."

"I know right? There's a nice article on the internet about it. I can send it to you if you want." Iwaizumi nodded and took a sip of his beverage, obviously still reflecting on the different scenes that could add up to the theory.

Oikawa looked at the TV screen, observing the hair product advertisement and asking himself if anyone actually bought anything they had seen on TV, when his eyes wandered up and halted on the volleyball lying on the bookshelf.

Ah yes, he had been wondering about that.

"So, you play volleyball?" he asked, trying not to sound too intrigued. Iwaizumi immediately perked up. Well, that was a good sign. 

" _Duh._ " The man put his arm on the couch rest and turned himself more towards Oikawa, obviously expecting this to be a longer conversation than a simple one-word-answer.

"Man, awesome! And Sugawara said he plays, too! Oh, I play myself, if you haven't heard before." Iwaizumi lifted his eyebrows and observed Oikawa in a searching way that Oikawa hadn't expected. Did he say something wrong?

"Of course I know? We played against each other before."

What. 

Oikawa snapped his head towards his roommate. That couldn't be the case? He usually remembered all of his opponents, and there was just something about Iwaizumi, something that made Oikawa sure he would have remembered him. His eyes flicked up towards the ceiling when he searched his memory for this spiked-haired man with a grim-looking expression, but found nothing. When he fixated his incredulous stare back to Iwaizumi, the man had tilted his head to the side, giving him the expression of a dog that didn't understand the issue.

"You really don't remember? Junior High? We had some practice matches against Kitagawa Daiichi, and in our last year we were both team captains."

Didn't that mean that Oikawa had actually shaken hands with Iwaizumi before? Why could he not remember him? Or maybe...

"Did you go through some phase back then? Like those emos with their colorful hair?"

Iwaizumi slowly blinked, annoyed eyes drilling into Oikawa.

"Maybe you were just too invested in looking at your 'friend'."

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows, not getting what Iwaizumi meant.

And then it hit him.

" _Ahk_ you saw me looking at Akira?" He put his hand over his eyes to avoid looking at Iwaizumi and to ignore the fragments of memories that stirred up in his head. It had been that day? Considering that Oikawa still remembered it so clearly, it only affirmed that he used to have it really bad for his friend. 

And it had been so obvious that someone else had noticed it.

"I guess you weren't as secretly bi as you thought you were." Iwaizumi said with an amused voice. Oikawa didn't even have to look to know that Iwaizumi was smirking. Well, who wouldn't be when 184cm of a man with puffy, wavy hair was sitting on your couch and wailing because you had exposed their middle school crush.

Wait.

Oikawa realized he had never told Iwaizumi that he was bi. 

He lifted his hand to look at his roommate, who snickered back at him in return. When he noticed Oikawa's puzzled expression, he tilted his head again in an asking way. 

"Did Sugawara tell you that I'm bi?" Iwaizumi blinked before it dawned on him that he wasn't supposed to know that bit of information.

"Oh, yes, sorry. I guess you wouldn't know, but Suga is a horrible gossip. I'm sure he told you about me as well." Iwaizumi added while shrugging his shoulders, as if it was no big deal to him at all. Or maybe it really wasn't?

"Yep. He said that you are 'gay. Like so gay'.", Oikawa repeated the words Sugawara had told him. Iwaizumi stared at Oikawa, before groaning and putting his hand over his face. 

"Suga.", Iwaizumi murmured. And oh god, was that really a faint _blush_ creeping up to his cheeks? Oikawa would almost say that it looked cute, but he refrained himself as he remembered that this man was taken.

"And that you have a boyfriend." Oikawa added with a light voice, eyes closed to enhance the smile he had put on his lips. You were supposed to say these things in a sweet way, weren't you?

"Yeah.", Iwaizumi answered softly.

When Oikawa looked at him, his expression had changed. His gaze was tender, looking down at the couch but not really seeing it, mind completely taken by the fond feeling spreading through his body as he reminisced about the face, the stature, the essence of his lover, all of those emotions flooding him with the irresistible urge to smile. 

It was something Oikawa had never thought possible with the stern aura Iwaizumi radiated. He liked this kind of smile on people, this vulnerable expression they made when they thought of someone they dearly cared about. 

As those thoughts passed his mind, Oikawa felt a small twitch in his body he couldn't really place. Maybe it was because he had never been able to smile like that, no matter how much he loved his family, no matter what friends he had, no matter in which relationship he had been. They had never felt like a truly deep connection had been built, and Oikawa didn't know what he had been doing wrong. 

Well, he knew what the problem was in his romantic relationships. It wasn't like he had ever dated anything else than his fangirls, or the girls that in the course of the relationship had turned out to be fangirls. They had looked at him as if he had been some price, a pretty trophy to be called theirs. Oikawa had never felt like they saw him as a human being with flaws, opinions, and emotions. Eventually they had all found out that he had those, and when they had realized they weren't as easy to be handled as his chirpy moods, they had broken up with him. Oikawa had accept somewhere down the road that he would never get into one of those meaningful relationships. 

"Bad luck in love?"

The words tore Oikawa out of the bitter mood he had accidentally slipped in. His head snapped up - he hadn't even noticed he had been staring at the floor - and he turned his gaze towards Iwaizumi.

The man was looking at him with a compassionate expression, one that Oikawa again hadn't known he was capable of. It wasn't pity he was trying to emit, and Oikawa appreciated it. He tried to switch moods again with a grin, going back to his light personality that everyone seemed to so truly love about him, but it didn't seem to work quite right. If it had, Iwaizumi wouldn't have leaned over and given him a supportive pat on the back like saying 'It's going to be alright.'

"Then tell me, was this Akira the reason you found out you're not as straight as everyone probably assumed?" 

Oikawa pressed his lips together because he clearly saw the hidden grin on Iwaizumi's face. He faintly remembered Sugawara's words: ' We all love talking about these things, don't let anyone tell you otherwise' Well, Akira was in the past, so Oikawa didn't mind.

"Yeah, he was the first guy I really liked." Oikawa admitted, verbally for the first time in his life. It made his cheeks tingle in excitement, and he hoped it hadn't transformed into a blush. His skin was so pale that the coloring always shone through brightly, even when it was only a light case. It made him a bit envious of Iwaizumi's tanned skin which definitely hid small embarrassments in a better way.

"Did it work out?" Iwaizumi asked bluntly, seemingly realizing that Oikawa wasn't uncomfortable talking about Akira. He was taken aback when Oikawa shook his head and sighed loudly, almost in a theatrical way. 

Ah good, he was starting to be his own self again. 

"Don't tell me he didn't realize it, a blind chicken would have seen a mile away that you were crushing on that boy."

Oikawa actually laughed at that comment. Had he really been that bad? 

"He was straight."

Iwaizumi groaned and threw his head back slightly. "Ah, the age-old pain." Oikawa nodded, the action of watching TV long discarded.

"Is it that common?" he asked curiously. Iwaizumi sighed while crossing his legs.

"Common? Ask in a gay club if anyone has ever crushed on a straight person, they will all lift their hands and groan in unison."

The imagination made Oikawa snicker for good, and he was feeling a bit better again.

"And how did you find out?" Oikawa asked in return. Iwaizumi's gaze fixated a point slightly over Oikawa's head, showing that he was trying to remember.

"Quite early. I had cool cousins that taught me that being gay is a thing, and that no one ever told you about it until you are in your teens. It had always struck me as weird that I didn't think of girls as anything dateable, and considering I had always been attracted to guys the way you were supposed to like girls, it just made sense. The problem was that other people didn't know, so I was left with my -" 

Suddenly Iwaizumi halted, eyes widening slightly. He immediately sighed and shook his head. 

"Something wrong?" Oikawa asked. Had he remembered something bad? It was when Iwaizumi shook his head again and slid his flat hand over his throat in a cutting motion that Oikawa understood. 

Of course, his limit. He was a bit surprised that Iwaizumi had handled the forced stop of words so well - usually people would stumble over their own vocal cords and start wheezing or coughing. Well, that was the case for people that didn't reach their limit too often. Iwaizumi must be used to it.

The man took the laptop from the table - Oikawa hadn't even noticed he had placed it there beforehand. He booted it up while still sitting cross-legged and typed out something before flashing the screen to Oikawa in the same way they had communicated yesterday.

> Sorry, I had to help out a classmate on the phone  
> earlier. Took more words than I had planned.

"It's okay, not your fault." Oikawa said. He waited patiently as Iwaizumi typed out the next words. Suddenly the man halted, eyes focusing the border of the laptop screen, before erasing what he had written and retyping a quick sentence. Oikawa curiously leaned over when Iwaizumi tilted the laptop in Oikawa's direction.

> They usually make it seem like it's our fault

Oikawa mouthed a small 'oh', his mind not having anticipated this statement. He moved his eyes to gaze down at Iwaizumi, head slowly following. The shorter man was simply staring at his laptop screen, fingers gently resting on the keys of his laptop. 'He touched the subject. It's okay.'

And so he gave him a small slap on the back of his head, taking Iwaizumi by surprise. The man looked up at Oikawa with confused eyes and was met with this sunny-boy looking at him with intense eyes, giving him a serious, meaning expression, one he hadn't expected this man to ever wear. Oikawa’s hand was still hovering over the spot he had hit him. 

It only lasted an instance, then the look on Oikawa's face transitioned into his usual, always bright self as he took back his hand.

"Don't say silly things like that. It's not your fault. End.", he put his actions into words, leaving Iwaizumi to stare back at the line he had written on his computer screen. He decided to erase it. When he started typing again, Oikawa spoke up. 

"Can I sit next to you? So you don't have to always turn the laptop."

Iwaizumi nodded and seated himself properly on the couch to leave enough space for Oikawa. Oikawa scooted a bit closer so that the two weren't touching, but were still close enough for him to see the screen.

> Suga said you haven't really talked to people with  
> a LoW below the norm before, is that true?  
> It kind of doesn't feel like it.

He really wanted to push the subject, didn't he?

"You are talking a lot about limits for someone who said that their being doesn't revolve around it." he decided to point out. Iwaizumi flinched slightly before quickly typing:

> I just wanna get all the necessary conversations  
> out of the way

That made sense, and Oikawa liked that idea. He could deal with some awkward-ridden tension for a while if it meant that those conversations wouldn't come up as frequently anymore.

"Okay. And yes, you are the first one I have really talked to. I mean, we did have some at school, but I never really spoke to them, you know?" 'Yes, because you asshole made their life a living hell, and after that felt way too awkward to talk to any.'

> Why didn't you talk to them? Did you think  
> they were weird?

"No, just different. And you know how young people are when they meet anything that is different." He saw out of the corner of his eyes that Iwaizumi was slightly tensing up. Uh-oh. This wasn't heading into a good direction. Oikawa really had to watch out how he would phrase his answers now.  
"I knew some in high school though, but the reason I didn't really interact with them was because I simply wasn't friends with them. I spent a lot of time with my volleyball team and my band, so I just settled with those friend groups."

It wasn't even a lie. Iwaizumi nodded, and Oikawa felt a bit more comfortable when he realized that Iwaizumi was just as awkward about asking these things as he was answering them. His hands hovered over his keyboard for a short instance, before determinedly writing down his next question.

> I'm still surprised you never asked my limit?  
> Especially in my case.

Oikawa shifted slightly. 'Sorry Iwaizumi, it's not because I'm a nice person.'

"Yeah, about that...guess who told me." 

Iwaizumi sighed exasperated and let his head fall back against the couch while writing ‘Sugaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa’, keeping his finger on the A-key until an entire paragraph of a's had appeared on the screen. When Iwaizumi decided to stop internally cursing his gray-haired friend, he pressed the enter key two times and quickly typed:

> Then can I ask your limit?

This surprised Oikawa. "Has Suga not told you?"

Iwaizumi shook his head that was still resting on the back of the couch. Oh boy, this was going to be uncomfortable. He was looking up at Oikawa, clearly expecting an explicit number.

"Uhm, well..." Oikawa hesitated, but Iwaizumi waited patiently. "The thing is...I don't really know?" he finished saying, taking his left hand in his right one and averting his eyes from Iwaizumi. When they wandered back he saw the man watching him with a curious expression, like he didn't really get what Oikawa had said.

"I don't know my limit. I've never reached it in my life." he summarized and saw how Iwaizumi's face faded into realization. The dark-haired man lifted his head from the couch and stared at his screen, unreadable expression on his face.

> wow.

"Yeah" Oikawa said to not let the mood transition into complete awkward silence, and shrugged his shoulders. Of course he would never truly understand all the specific advantages that having a high limit was granting him, as no one understood what it would feel like when a key feature of their abilities were suddenly missing.

Iwaizumi lifted his gaze from his monitor again. When Oikawa's eyes met his, Oikawa gladly realized that the other's face wasn't overcast by bitterness, but by curiosity.

> NEVER reached your limit?

Oikawa shook his head. "Never! So yeah, I don't really know what it feels like." Iwaizumi let out a small, breathless laugh.

> I kind of wanna punch you now, you  
> entitled son of a bitch

Instead of being offended, Oikawa laughed inwardly. The word 'entitled' still bugged him though, as it reminded him that his limit really had nothing to do with his own efforts.

But he had not expected Iwaizumi to take this reveal so lightly. 

"I thought you'd get mad that I am this way." 

Iwaizumi seemed to think about it for a moment. What Oikawa had not known was that the man sitting next to him had in fact felt a pang of envy when he had heard of his roommate’s non-existing limit, but just as it had not been his fault for being born with a low limit, Oikawa had not chosen to have a high one. If this roommate-situation was to work out, he had to decide to let this go and accept it.

> Why should I?

“Well, who knows! And I mean, even without it, I'd still be really great!" Iwaizumi let his eyes fall into their half-open stare again.

> "Great"?

"Yes, I'm amazing!" Iwaizumi lifted one of his eyebrows before slowly turning to his laptop, determinedly starting to write something.

Oikawa only had to see the "(⁄ ⁄•", " to know what Iwaizumi was about to show him.

" _That was one time!!_ " he whined, trying to grab Iwaizumi's wrists to stop him from writing. Iwaizumi evaded to his side, amused smirk plastered all over his face. Oikawa tried taking his laptop away, but Iwaizumi easily pushed him away with his knee. It was only now that Oikawa realized that Iwaizumi was actually very strong, but Oikawa was _taller_. He managed to hit the backspace button, even though he didn't see how much he was actually erasing. 

Their small bickering ended with Iwaizumi having gotten everything he had written that day erased, and Oikawa having gotten limbs pushed into his rips several times.

"Truce?" he said while protectively holding his arms over his stomach. Iwaizumi wrote something on his laptop and flashed the screen in Oikawa’s direction.

> It's not like there is anything left to erase.  
> But okay, truce.

" _Still, what a brute._ " Oikawa whispered to himself.

Suddenly he felt the sharp jab of a thumb in his rips.

" _Ahk_ , you're just proving my point!", Oikawa complained while scooting away from Iwaizumi, who was sitting upright and looking victorious, though this included his still existent pissed-off expression. Oikawa hugged his own knees to his body and looked at Iwaizumi in a daunting way, but this only seemed to amuse him.

Oikawa tried thinking of all the nice people he had ever met in his life to overshadow this experience.

Suddenly his thoughts fell on the gray-haired man he had met not so long ago.

"By the way, does Sugawara come by often?" he asked, playful smile on his lips again. He saw how Iwaizumi side-eyed him, expression not as intrigued as Oikawa had hoped it to be. When Iwaizumi didn't turn the laptop after writing something down, he dared getting closer to Iwaizumi again.

> ...he has a boyfriend, you know.

'Ah, man. But I'm not surprised.' It was when he looked at Iwaizumi and the way he was gazing at Oikawa that it suddenly clicked in his head.

"Oh! Sorry! Are you guys-?" Iwaizumi sighed.

> Sawamura Daichi.

"The former team captain of Karasuno? Nice catch, Sugawara!" But then what had Iwaizumi's expression meant?

> So don't even try.

"I wasn't implying that! He just seems like a nice person!" Iwaizumi nodded slowly and his eyes left Oikawa's convincing expression to type:

> Sure. I've met your type.

"Hmmmmm what type am I~?" Iwaizumi didn't even have to speak for Oikawa to know that Iwaizumi deadpanned the next line:

> The trash.

"Hey! What would you be then? The barbarian? Oh wait, sorry, you're not tall enough to be called a barbarian!"

Iwaizumi's hands halted on the keyboard, his face slowly turning to Oikawa.

It was in this instance that Oikawa knew he had done it.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good practice guys! We're really stepping up our game!" Oikawa said as he turned to his band members that had already stored all of their equipment away. They were five people in total, consisting of guitar, bass, singing, drums and keyboard. Usually they’d play covers of their favorite songs and sometimes tried to come up with some of their own. On occasion they'd perform, often alongside with other groups, but as they were only doing it for fun and the sake of music, those times were quite rare.

It was enough for Oikawa. He didn't plan on becoming a singer anyways. 

"I sure hope we are, we _did_ put a lot of individual practice into it." one of the black-haired members said. Oikawa knew the guy was right, especially _him_ , as he usually practiced the drums every day - It was his way of coping with the everyday stress that piles up on all of us. Oikawa quietly thought to himself that it reminded him of his own connection to volleyball.

"I think we're this good because we make no commercial use of what we do." a blonde chimed in. He had been against the idea of trying to make a name for themselves from the get-go: His family had pushed him to play the guitar ever since childhood, to the point that he had fallen out with them at the age of 16 and had sworn to himself to never use music as his source of income, but as his beloved hobby.

"Yes, you hate that idea, we get it." the other black-haired member, the keyboard player, sighed. "Oh, and speaking of 'hating an idea', how is your step year going so far, Oikawa-senpai?"

"Quite well. Having money rocks, honestly."

In the background he could hear someone whisper: " _That he buys us food after practice rocks._ " 

It really reminded him of his days as team captain.

"And not studying! And living away from home! The only down-part is not playing volleyball almost every day." Oikawa admitted. Not that anyone wouldn't have noticed that over the course of the last few months. 

Not that Oikawa had told them that he hadn't been able to practice lately because of his knee.

"Yes yes, just brag that you have a better life than we do. Being a third-year is _hard_." the keyboard player complained and started heading out of the band room. They had finished up early today as their bass player had an important math test tomorrow, and no one wished to see him fail. 

"I was a third year just recently as well, I _know_. But I'll soon invite you guys over to my place for some movies and food, so be excited for that!"

"Is your roommate okay with having four strangers in his house?" Oikawa looked back at the guitarist. He let his eyes wander between his band members, all of them younger than him, but all of them trustworthy, nice-looking people. 'He definitely won't mind.'

"I'll just kick him out for the day~!"

"Wow, Oikawa. How does your roommate even cope with you." they keyboard player said as he rolled his eyes. Oikawa stuck out the tip of his tongue and locked the door to the band room.

They didn't hang out for long after that - Oikawa bought them all some sweet bread at a nearby store, wished the bass player good luck for his test and then headed to the train station by himself. 

It was still relatively early into the evening when Oikawa entered the apartment with a loud yawn, sure that his roommate would still be awake. 

What he didn't expect to find was the sound of guitar strings being plucked filling his small home, outside of the band room he was so used to by now. It wasn't too loud, though the noise was clearly emitted from an acoustic guitar, and the pattern of notes stirred a sense of recognition inside Oikawa.

Without second thoughts he decided to knock on Iwaizumi's bedroom door, and the string of melody was abruptly halted.

"Yes?" Iwaizumi's voice rose from inside the room. Oikawa peeked inside, realizing it was the first time he would actually enter the small bedroom. It wasn't anything special: Some posters of different bands and a library decorated the walls. Oikawa concluded that Iwaizumi must really like reading, taking into account the library in the living room.

Iwaizumi was currently sitting on his bed that was situated vis-à-vis to the door, right underneath the window, and he was looking curiously at Oikawa. The wooden guitar was casually resting in his lap.

"Sorry, I didn't hear you coming home. Was the guitar bothering you?" Iwaizumi asked when Oikawa didn't speak immediately.

"Was that _Swing Life Away_?" Oikawa asked instead. Iwaizumi nodded and started plucking the initial notes of the intro. "I didn't know you play the guitar." 

"I haven't really played recently. But yeah, I do." Iwaizumi answered while shrugging his shoulders. 

"Awesome! And I love that song, I actually know the lyrics." Oikawa said as he completely entered the room. What he said was true - his band had practiced playing the song several times, even though lately they hadn't rehearsed it that often.

"Know them or sing them?" Iwaizumi asked as he lazily shredded the chords of the main chorus.

"I am a very good singer, thank you very much." Oikawa said as he sat himself on Iwaizumi's bed without asking. Iwaizumi gave him a quick side-glance in return, but didn't complain.

"You just want me to ask you to sing along, don't you?" Oikawa sat cross-legged and turned himself to Iwaizumi.

"Exactly~"

Iwaizumi sighed, but he didn't seem to mind the idea. Without saying anything more he started playing the intro again, intervals of plucking and shredding hitting Oikawa's ears. His voice was still nicely warmed up from practice earlier, so the tones emitted from his humming sounded comfortable in his throat.

In the small break before the singing part would kick in, Iwaizumi glanced up from his guitar to look at Oikawa, curious expectation glinting in his eyes. It was the small gaze anyone gave to their partner when an action of teamwork was about to happen, be it in music, in sports, or in simple every day events.

It only lasted an instance, and then Oikawa took a deep breath to let his voice form the words into art:

> _Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up?_  
>  Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck?  
>  Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost? 
> 
> _I'll show you mine if you show me yours first_  
>  Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse  
>  Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words 
> 
> _We live on front porches and swing life away,_  
>  We get by just fine here on minimum wage  
>  If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,  
>  I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand 
> 
> _I've been here so long, I think that it's time to move_  
>  The winter's so cold, summer's over too soon  
>  Let's pack our bags and settle down where palm trees grow 
> 
> _I've got some friends, some that I hardly know_  
>  But we've had some times, I wouldn't trade for the world  
>  We chase these days down with talks of the places that we will go 
> 
> _We live on front porches and swing life away,_  
>  We get by just fine here on minimum wage  
>  If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,  
>  I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand....until you hold my hand 
> 
> _I'll show you mine if you show me yours first_  
>  Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse  
>  Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words 
> 
> _We live on front porches and swing life away,_  
>  We get by just fine here on minimum wage  
>  If love is a labor I'll slave till the end,  
>  I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand 
> 
> _Swing life away_  
>  Swing life away  
>  Swing life away  
>  Swing life away 

They both let the sound of the song slowly die out, before Iwaizumi gently slapped his hand on his guitar to indicate the end of the dreamy state an artist always flowed into when performing his art.

"I have to admit, you are a very good singer." Iwaizumi broke the silence, but he didn't look up from his guitar.

"Thank you! It was easy to sing along to your playing." Praise where praise was due. 

"Really?" Iwaizumi sounded honestly surprised. "It's the first time someone ever sang to my playing, so I can't really judge."

"Oh my, I took away your first time~?" Iwaizumi shot him an annoyed glance. "Just admit that it was good, after all I am quite experienced."

"What the fuck, Oikawa. But weren't you in the volleyball club?" he asked as his head tilted in an asking way.

"Yeah? Why do- oh! I play in a band, that's also the reason why I came home late today." Oikawa explained, and Iwaizumi nodded acknowledging.

"We never really talked about what we are doing in our lives, did we? I only know that you'll work at that convenience store for a year and that you plan to study afterwards."

"And I only know that you go to university." Oikawa added, only now realizing that he really didn't know much more about Iwaizumi. So far the topic had never arisen, and Oikawa knew it was something they should discuss at some point. 

"Go ahead." Iwaizumi said while putting his guitar next to him. Oikawa rested his head on the knuckles of his hand to think.

"Okay, so you want to know more of the great Oikawa Tooru!" Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and whispered something Oikawa couldn't quite catch. "But it seems like you already know more about me than I do about you. As you said, I'll be working for a year because I wanted to take a break and experience some new things in my life. I'm also a singer in a small local band, but it's nothing more than a hobby that I'm pursuing until university starts. Speaking of which, that is when I definitely want to take up playing volleyball again und go pro."

"Go pro? That's a goal you don't hear often." Iwaizumi said, punctuating the end of his sentence with a short whistle. 

"I have been scouted by some universities and been invited to special camps, so it's looking good!" It felt weird to talk about his future plan when he wasn't even regularly playing volleyball anymore, but the doctor had still not given his okay. "And what about you? What are you doing?" Oikawa steered the conversation towards Iwaizumi. He seemed a little bit surprised that Oikawa didn't continue to ramble about himself.

"I'm on my way of getting a language degree. I'd like to become a teacher." 

'Being a teacher with a low word limit?' Oikawa didn't speak his thoughts as he was sure Iwaizumi had been told this several times already: It was indicated by the small break in his speech and the calculating look he gave Oikawa before continuing. "and I still play volleyball, which is the reason why I often come home late."

"Man, I miss playing volleyball." Oikawa whined and let himself flop onto his side. 

"You don't play anymore?" Iwaizumi asked curiously, his gaze lifting up to a shrugging Oikawa. 

"I don't really have a place to practice around this area." He wasn't lying; he was just keeping his true reason hidden. It was already bothersome enough that he couldn't play. He didn't need any more looks of pity whenever he mentioned his favorite sport. 

"I can bring you to the court sometimes, if you feel up to it? No one is going to notice if you act like you belong to the university." Oikawa immediately perked up.

"Wow, Iwaizumi is suddenly being nice to me!"

"What is wrong with you, I have never been mean to you." Iwaizumi defended himself.

"How can I know, you always look so grumpy! It's misleading!" Suddenly Oikawa's vision was blacked out by a pillow hitting his face.

"That didn't even hurt." Oikawa said in a muffled voice.

"Want it to, huh?" Oikawa could feel Iwaizumi shifting on the bed. He heard the _thunk_ of the guitar being placed on the floor, the vibration causing the strings to emit an ever so slight sound.

"Uh, kinky~" Oikawa expected himself to be smothered by another pillow, when suddenly he felt a pair of feet at his side. The next thing he saw was the ceiling of Iwaizumi's room, his back and side hurting from being forcefully pushed off the bed. "That hurt!!" he whined when he realized what had happened to him.

"Trash to where the trash belongs." Oikawa flung back the pillow that had gone down with him, missing Iwaizumi by several shots. "I thought you were good at setting, I guess you're getting rusty?"

"See! See!! Iwaizumi is rude to me!" Oikawa complained, pointing at Iwaizumi in an over-dramatic way. The man looked back at him with deadpan eyes, and after a short moment of quiet they both snorted at the silliness of their actions. 

"You know, at first I was a bit worried about getting a roommate, but this isn't so bad." Iwaizumi admitted while calming his small laugh.

"You would have rather lived alone?" Oikawa guessed while sitting himself up on the floor. Iwaizumi nodded, and when he didn't explain himself further, Oikawa asked: "Any reasons?"

"It's easier not to reach your limit when you don't have to talk at home. And, y'know, I'm 19 years old, I just _wanted_ to move out and live my own life. It's the main reason, to be honest."

"Same.", Oikawa said before adding: "I mean, the second one."

"Duh.", Iwaizumi grumbled, throwing the pillow back at Oikawa, who caught it with ease.

"Just admit it, you love living with me." he said while sticking out his tongue behind the pillow he was holding with both hands.

Iwaizumi halted for a moment, a fragment of a second too long, before averting his eyes and saying in a monotone voice: "I take it back. It's bad." Oikawa pouted with half-opened eyes, and Iwaizumi's gaze flicked back to him.

When he didn't say anything, Oikawa started to feel a bit uncomfortable. 

"What? Is my face that pretty? I know, thank you." Iwaizumi rolled his eyes again and sighed.

"I was just wondering if I should ask you something." This piqued Oikawa's interest.

"Huh? What?" Oikawa asked curiously. 

"Uh. I was just wondering if you want to grab something to eat and play Mario Kart." Oikawa thought about the offer before his eyes lightened up in a delightful way.

"Food and crushing other people's self-esteem with a racing game? Sure sounds like fun to me, I'm in!"

"We'll see whose gets crushed." Iwaizumi said in a challenging voice. He stood up from his bed with a quick motion, giving Oikawa a playful slap on his head when he passed him.

They decided to simply order pizza as it was the option of the least discussions. In the meantime they set up the living room after Iwaizumi had revealed that the sofa was actually a sofa bed he had been allowed to take with him from home. They were zapping through the channels and decided to stop at _Pacific Rim_ , when the bell rang and the men hungrily ran down the stairs to get the pizza. 

Oikawa had insisted on paying, considering he was the one with a job and earning money regularly, but not without Iwaizumi shoving some money bills into the pockets of Oikawa's zip-up hoodie right after he had taken the pizzas into his hands. They got into a quick argument, before Iwaizumi waved him off and walked up the stairs. The delivery guy smirked knowingly, but Oikawa didn't bother to correct him, instead following Iwaizumi to get his hands on the savory cheesy goodness as quickly as possible.

They ended up finishing the movie, Oikawa laying flat on his stomach and Iwaizumi leaning on the backrest of the couch, legs fully outstretched. Oikawa had not known he had been missing a sofa bed in his life, but he sure realized it now.

Iwaizumi went to grab some drinks for the both of them while Oikawa set up the GameCube with Mario Kart Double Dash. When his roommate came back, Oikawa was already sitting on the sofa bed, controller in hand. Iwaizumi put the beverages down onto the floor in front of them and took his own controller, when Oikawa finally hit the character selection screen.

"Okay, I know this will turn into a huge fight, but I'll take Yos-", but Oikawa's declaration of war was interrupted by the pink princess waving at them from the screen. "Wait, seriously."

"I will kick your ass with my umbrella, you dino." Iwaizumi said, slightly hunching over his crossed legs.

"Just wait and see." Oikawa grumbled, feeling a small emptiness inside him when he didn't have to fight over his favorite character like he usually would have with his friends. 

"What do you even want to do with Yoshi, out-cute me?"

"No need, I already do that in reality."

Oikawa's head was hit by another pillow, a sensation he would soon learn to be familiar with.

The two men found out fairly quickly that they both were very competitive personalities. None of them felt like the other was slacking off, and some battles for the first rank turned out intense. Iwaizumi was quiet most of the time, focused on his own bubble of concentration, but swearing every time he made a grave error that cost him his current ranking, and complimenting Oikawa when he made a good move. The only thing that aligned with Oikawa's way of playing was the quiet of being in the zone. When Oikawa missed an item or fell off a cliff, he loudly exploded in either swearing or whining, but never blaming anything else than himself for the mistake. 

Iwaizumi noticed that.

They played until late at night. Oikawa was on his way of finishing the rainbow road in first place, and he could already taste the win when the finish line presented itself on the horizon of the screen. He was about to call out a screech of victory, when suddenly Yoshi was pushed to the side by a ray of pink, sending him off the edge of the road. Oikawa watched in horror as Yoshi tumbled into the dark abyss of space whilst Peach danced victoriously in her cart, having crossed the finish line only moments later. 

Without a single word, Oikawa put down the controller and stared at Iwaizumi, who was grinning at the screen, purposely avoiding Oikawa.

In the flash of a moment Iwaizumi was hit by a pillow, it ricocheting to the back of the living room. 

"How _dare_ you!" Oikawa squawked, squinting his eyes when the only thing Iwaizumi answered with was laughter. He shoved the man, but not quite enough to make him tumble down the sofa bed. 'Unfortunately.'

"Hey, you still have to drive past the finish line, you're in last place now." Iwaizumi pointed out, and Oikawa realized only now that he had completely abandoned the game. He still had enough pride to at least finish the game, so he grumpily took the controller and steered Yoshi into the goal.

When the sad tone of having reached the goal in last place started playing, Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi with an annoyed glare, but the man was still grinning in amusement.

"Who crushed whose pride?" he teased, and Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows.

"It takes a lot more than that." Oikawa answered, intensity dripping in his voice. He didn't like losing, but he sure wouldn't let himself be undermined by that. 

"It was still a good round." Iwaizumi said while shrugging his shoulders to lighten up the mood Oikawa had fallen into. It seemed to work, as Oikawa sighed and pressed the A button to continue to the victory screen. He still got into third place with Iwaizumi taking the crown.

The tall man stretched his limbs, his body shuddering in the last few moments, and decided to check the time on his phone. 1:55AM.

“Man, when was the last time I played until 2 AM with a living person?” Oikawa said when Iwaizumi turned off the TV and the room was enveloped in sudden darkness, only illuminated by the screen of Oikawa’s phone.

“A _living_ person? You have some weird preferences.”

“Oh, I- man I’m tired.” Oikawa sighed. He couldn’t see Iwaizumi’s expression in the dark, but he heard him standing up to search for a source of light.

“Well, good night then I guess.” he said when he turned on the lights in the living room. Oikawa turned his head towards him, letting himself fall on his back while doing so. 

“Good night~.” he answered lightheartedly.

__________________  
As expected, Oikawa had fallen asleep on the sofa bed. He only woke up for a short moment when he heard Iwaizumi leave the house, but he didn’t care enough to actually let himself be forced out of the sweet bliss of sleep yet.

It was when Iwaizumi came home again that Oikawa lazily opened his eyes and pushed his body up into a sitting position.

“What time is it?” he asked, yawning mid-question. 

“It’s one in the afternoon.” Iwaizumi said in an informative way, but something struck Oikawa as off. When he pulled his body over the backrest of the sofa he realized what it was: Iwaizumi seemed less lively than usual, and his face was furrowed in a thoughtful way.

“Something wrong?” Oikawa asked. Iwaizumi’s head slightly snapped up, surprised by Oikawa’s quick observation.

“Is it that obvious? It’s nothing bad though.” Iwaizumi sighed while stripping off his shoes and entered the living room.

“Thinking doesn’t suit you, Iwaizumi.” Oikawa said in a light voice, trying to get the usual Iwaizumi out.

“Was that an insult?” he instead sighed again, not reacting any further on the comment. When he passed the couch, Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi's shirt with his thumb and index finger to slightly pull him back. The man stopped and looked down at Oikawa

“You can tell me if it helps you, I can be serious.” Oikawa offered. Iwaizumi seemed to consider the offer, sighing and putting his hand over his forehead when he decided to accept it.

“Okay. Since you are a part of it, I guess I should tell you?” Oikawa blinked twice and let go of Iwaizumi. 

Iwaizumi turned, slightly sitting himself on the backrest and letting his head fall back to watch the ceiling, as if the sentences would start appearing if he only looked at it intently enough.

Oikawa rested his head on the backrest, looking up at Iwaizumi and waiting for him to speak.

“It’s stupid, honestly. My boyfriend and I ordered pizza for lunch, and the same pizza guy from yesterday showed up.”, Iwaizumi sighed. “He was surprised to see me twice in a row, so he literally told my boyfriend ‘oh yes, I delivered pizza to him and his boyfriend yesterday!’”

Oikawa snorted, amused by the imagination of what expression the delivery guy had worn when he had realized what misunderstanding he had created.

“Seriously? Oh man, I knew he had misunderstood something, but I didn’t really care to correct him. But that can’t be the end of the issue, right?” Oikawa brought the story back on track. Iwaizumi shook his head and closed his eyes. He took out his notebook and started scribbling something down, and Oikawa waited patiently until he showed him a fully written page.

> My boyfriend is a bit of a jealous type.  
>  He already wasn’t too amused when I had told him I would  
>  move in with a guy, and even less so when I had  
>  mentioned your name. His sister is one of your fangirls,  
>  what the fuck by the way, and apparently you have a name  
>  for being a flirtatious pretty-boy. So hearing what the pizza guy  
>  said kind of aligned with what he had feared could happen,  
>  and he got mad.

“Oh damn.” Oikawa said, and even Iwaizumi let out a breathless laughter, the only laugh he could produce while his mood was still so low. “But seriously, he never has to worry about that. I hope the situation got resolved? I mean, it’s a clear misunderstanding.”

That’s when Iwaizumi started frowning again.

“The situation itself did, but…I don’t know, he’s just always so jealous. It’s a general thing. But hey, I definitely have almost no words left today, so I’m just going to shut up now, okay?”

The exasperation in his voice made it clear that this hadn’t been the first time a similar thing had happened. Oikawa couldn’t help but hope that his boyfriend was still treating him right, especially because Iwaizumi was such a nice and understanding man.

Not that Oikawa was going to admit that.

“You know what always helps me when I’m frustrated about anything? Volleyball.” Oikawa said, and Iwaizumi perked up, giving Oikawa a pondering look. He noted something down on his notebook.

> The university court is free to use on weekends.

“Then go!”, Oikawa said with joyfully heightened voice, feeling a small pang in his stomach when he thought about his doctor’s note saying that he wasn’t allowed to do any sports for at least another month.

> Want to come as well?

Fuck the doctor’s note.

The opportunity was too sweet to push it away.

“Oh, you could have said that you’d love having me around~!” Oikawa said in a sing-sang voice, smirking at Iwaizumi. The man's eyes fell into their half-open stare and he sighed, but this time out of annoyance and not empty desperation. Iwaizumi pushed himself away from the couch and started heading to his room, probably to pack his sports gear. 

‘He probably just doesn't want to be alone with his thoughts.’ Oikawa thought as he rolled off the sofa bed, preparing himself to make his next doctor’s appointment become a lecture of his irresponsibility.

__________________

"Oikawa-senpai, I didn't know you lived in this area!" a cute voice emerged from a girl that was looking up at Oikawa through her bangs.

"You should have told us! We didn't stop thinking you're the coolest just because you graduated!" a more lively girl tried to get his attention.

In the meanwhile a very pissed-off looking Iwaizumi was standing on the sidelines, not believing what was reality in front of his eyes. He had wanted to hit some volleyballs to get his thoughts off his problems, not to get smothered by high-pitched voices talking to his roommate. 

At least now he got what they meant by 'flirtatious pretty-boy'.

"Oh, I'm so happy to see that you are all doing well!" Oikawa said in a joyful tone, and the girls were struck with giddy excitement, as if they had all been mentioned individually.

"Can we take a picture with you? My friends won't believe that you got even handsomer!" One of the girls stumbled into the front of the small group, smartphone in hand.

"Of course! Want me to snap it so we all fit on it?" They all nodded enthusiastically, and the owner of the phone froze for a moment when her hand touched Oikawa's as she handed him her device.

They quickly gathered around Oikawa, every single one trying to get the place closest to him to snatch a casual touch. He flashed a peace sign at the camera and stuck out his tongue in a playful way before hitting the camera trigger.

The girls’ excitement didn't even begin to vanish after that, but Iwaizumi's patience was doing so at a rapid pace. 

So he decided to end this. He stepped in, grabbed Oikawa by the collar of his shirt and started dragging him away.

"Sorry, he's busy.", he excused as the girls looked dumbfounded at the situation presented in front of them, their idol being dragged away by some guy they hadn't even noticed up until then.

"Iwaizumi, you can't just do that!!" Oikawa whined, waving at his fangirls in an apologetic way and blowing them a goodbye-kiss before turning his head to his abductor to pout at him.

"I'm disappointed my boyfriend would think I'd fall for something like that."

"I'm charming, okay!" Oikawa defended himself.

"Christ, I'm not surprised you haven't had any luck in love so far."

Oikawa slumped in his movements. Iwaizumi turned, surprised by the sudden lack of resistance. It was when he saw Oikawa's stance averting himself from Iwaizumi that he realized he had stepped over a line. He let go of Oikawa, who sighed as he turned around. Oikawa ran a hand through his brown, wavy hair, pulling down a strand into his line of vision and fixating his gaze on it.

"I know I'm doing something wrong, okay?" he muttered, not seeing the blurry Iwaizumi behind the focused patch of brown. It was impossible to ignore him though, as only moments later Oikawa was startled by a flick on his forehead.

"I didn't mean it. Come on, we wanted to play some volleyball, didn't we?" he said when Oikawa finally locked eyes with him. The man gave a quick glance to the side before sighing and letting the tension drop.

"Right."  
________________

When they arrived at the university gym, only a few people were already occupying the space. The school had several courts, so getting a playing field for themselves wasn't an issue. Oikawa wondered if someone would recognize him, but apparently all the other students in the hall were basketball players. They didn't even bat an eye.

They didn't talk while getting into the changing room and emerging again in their familiar training gear. Oikawa unconsciously had a little jump in his step, his mind being way too excited about the prospect of being only minutes away from playing volleyball again.

Both men quickly fell into their own warming up regime, not really minding the other person next to them. They set up a net at the end of the court, a small space that would suffice for the two of them. Without many words they started playing back and forth some over-head tosses. Iwaizumi quickly found his usual rhythm, while Oikawa's fingers still felt a bit rusty. Getting the ball to another person was a completely different feeling than bouncing it into the air while lying in bed, something Oikawa had grown very accustomed to in the last few months.

He was still happy to notice that it didn't take long for his body to remember the movements forged by hours of training: The ball hit and left his hands in split seconds, the fluid motion leading from his wrists up to his fingertips. He didn't even have to think about the posture of his legs or the point of impact anymore - it all came to him by itself. It wasn't like he didn't find any errors or misjudgments, but the happiness of finally being able _to do this again_ overshadowed all the self-critical thinking for now.

Instead he observed Iwaizumi. His gaze was attentive, his reactions fast and accurate - Oikawa was sure he was a good addition to whatever team he was playing in. He couldn't be a setter like Oikawa was. The passes felt solid but not as ingrained as they would have been in a setter's hand. What made up for it was his presence. His way of fluidly moving to wherever the ball was headed, with strong strides and quick way of hand, could hint at him being a middle blocker, but the strength of his arms and the sureness of bringing the ball back brought Oikawa to one conclusion.

"Are you per chance a wing spiker, Iwaizumi?" 

"Yes, why?" Oikawa made an internal triumphant noise. 'I still haven't lost it.'

"Just wondering~" Iwaizumi looked down at his hand for a moment. Oikawa smirked as he imagined Iwaizumi wondering how Oikawa had found out this piece of information. His judgment was affirmed when Iwaizumi glanced back at Oikawa and proceeded to study him with furrowed eyebrows. He only averted his gaze with a grunt after Oikawa stuck his tongue out.

After that Iwaizumi started doing some simple over-head serves, and Oikawa stood on the sidelines, quietly watching his roommate shoot one volleyball after the other over the net. He was holding a ball in his own hands, fingers twitching at the thought of making Iwaizumi look at him in awe after performing a flawless jump serve.

Should he try?

He licked his dry lips and aligned himself a few steps to the right of Iwaizumi, who had shot him a quick glance after he had moved. Oikawa held his arm away from his body, balancing the ball in the flat of his hand.

No, if he messed up the jump serve Iwaizumi would never let him forget it. He first had to practice it to perfection again.

But what was he saying. He bit his lip as he remembered that not even at the peak of his performance he had considered it perfect. It had always had flaws.

It had never been good enough.

“ _Iep._ ” Oikawa squeaked. A volleyball had suddenly hit his shoulder and had startled him out of the downward spiral that would always end in the same abyss of self-loathing. He rubbed the spot that was throbbing in the rhythm of his heart and looked at Iwaizumi with a bit of bewilderment. 

He was looking back at him, his head tilted a bit to the side. It felt like he was asking what was wrong. 

And it did look kind of cute.

“Gosh, I’m fine, but do you always hit people out of the blue? How rude of you.” Oikawa complained as he picked up the volleyball that had fallen out of his hand. He could feel Iwaizumi’s eyes on him as he let the volleyball bounce on the floor a few times to get a feel for the shape and density of the material, before he flung it into the air and let it carry over the net with the impact of his hand. 

“Nice serve.”

Oikawa flinched. The words tugged at his heart, a wave of nostalgia hitting him in the stomach. ‘Get yourself together. You are here to cheer Iwaizumi up.’

“Want me to toss to you?” he asked with a smile plastered all over his face. Iwaizumi immediately nodded. Well, what had Oikawa expected of a wing spiker. 

Iwaizumi took hold of a ball and jogged a few steps backwards, waiting for Oikawa to position himself next to the net. When their eyes met, Iwaizumi passed him the ball and immediately started the run-up. Oikawa fixated the ball like a predator waiting for his prey to reach his vicinity, and when it was just close enough to let his instincts take over the handling of the ball, he switched his attention to the airborne Iwaizumi who had already locked his eyes onto the ball. 

‘He jumps well, but…’

Oikawa tossed a bit lower than he would have for his taller teammates, and Iwaizumi hit the ball nicely. The satisfying sound of impact reached Oikawa’s ears, and Iwaizumi smirked as he landed steadily.

“Nice shot! Anything I can do to make you spike more comfortably?” Oikawa immediately asked out of habit. Iwaizumi looked a bit surprised, but he started pouting as he considered what indeed could have been better. He then started signing, waving his hand away from him and then pointing at the net.

“A bit closer to the net?” Oikawa made sure. Iwaizumi nodded.

They continued this way, Iwaizumi clearly being amazed by how well Oikawa adapted to his way of playing. When Iwaizumi suggested through signing that Oikawa could go for some spikes as well, the itch inside Oikawa couldn’t be held back anymore. He wanted to move, to jump, to feel like himself again. 

Iwaizumi obviously didn’t toss as well as Oikawa did, but it was solid and Oikawa was able to spike every ball. The heat building up in his body made him forget all about his injury. In fact, his knee didn’t hurt one bit, and Oikawa asked himself if maybe the doctor had been too cautious.

They played for a while, switching up the type of exercise from time to time. After an hour it was Iwaizumi who said that they could wrap it up for today.

After they cleared the court of the volleyball equipment, they finished their post-workout stretches and returned into the changing rooms to take a quick shower in the single cabins. 

When they stepped out of the gym it was already early evening, and Oikawa stretched his arms over his head while releasing a satisfied yawn. Iwaizumi simply walked next to him, seemingly lost in thoughts. 

Oikawa glanced at him. Of course Iwaizumi hadn’t gotten over the situation with his boyfriend yet.

Volleyball had simply been a way to delay the overwhelming thoughts of a moment gone wrong. Oikawa was sure that if Iwaizumi let the day pass by he could look at it more rationally, but for that he had to be distracted until then. It was the one thing where Oikawa could actually continue to help.

“Want to watch a movie when we’re home and order some takeout?” He asked, smiling gently at Iwaizumi. The man glanced at him, and after a short moment of silence he nodded. They sure ordered too much takeout than was usual for the sporty types, but it seemed like the both of them equally didn’t care. 

Oikawa skipped a little bit in his steps, even though his mind told him that it wasn’t appropriate when Iwaizumi was clearly down, but he couldn’t help his natural response to playing volleyball after several months. It was only when he realized that Iwaizumi was watching him out of the corner of his eyes that he stopped. 

When he did, Iwaizumi snorted quietly and let his eyes wander in front of him again.

The scenery around them was peaceful. The sky was being painted with a yellowish hue, and only the rhythmic steps of the two young men were filling the air. It was dulling their sense like a sweet lullaby, and before they knew it they were already standing in front of their apartment again. 

When they finally entered their home, they slumped down on the sofa bed with a loud sigh. With a quiet agreement they dialed the pizza place again, and it didn’t take long for their food to be delivered at the doorstep of the building. This time though Oikawa went to pick it up alone.

When he came back, Iwaizumi was already zapping through the channels with his laptop lying next to him.

“What do you want to watch?” Oikawa asked, but Iwaizumi simply shrugged his shoulders as he took his pepperoni pizza out of Oikawa’s hands. Even though pizza had been his meal three times in a row, he didn’t seem to mind it even one bit.

“Thanks.” Iwaizumi said while opening the box. His eyes lit up as they encountered the cheesy glory presented in front of him. There was nothing pizza couldn’t cure, at least temporarily.

They ended up watching _Kingsman – The Secret Service_ , even though it was more a situation of Oikawa watching it. After finishing his pizza, Iwaizumi had closed his eyes and had eventually dozed off. The pizza box was still resting on his lap.

Oikawa’s eyebrows perked up. He was very particular about his sleeping position, which was lying on his stomach with his arm covered snug by his pillow. He couldn’t even start comprehending how someone could fall asleep sitting, with their head falling uncomfortably to their shoulders while having something lying on their thighs.

“You are a very simple man.” Oikawa sighed as he switched the channel. Some romantic drama series his mother liked came up, and just for the sake of it he decided to leave it there. When he was younger he used to watch them with her, hoping to get some good advice on how to make girls fall for him. In the end his natural charm had been good enough, and he never had any use for what he had learnt from these trashy shows. It was still a good memory, and when the ending credits rolled Oikawa decided to continue watching the next episode.

This one was about the main character’s male best friend visiting her, and her boyfriend getting jealous over it. It turned out that her best friend was equally jealous that she was spending so much time with her partner, and at the end of the episode she ended up losing both of them.

“Wow, she really deserved better.”

Oikawa startled and looked at Iwaizumi, who was still slouching but who was very clearly awake now.

“Since when are you awake?” Oikawa said in a high voice, trying to calm his pounding heart. Iwaizumi yawned and turned on his laptop to write his answer to Oikawa.

> When her friend arrived at the airport.  
>  You seemed invested in it, so I didn’t want to  
>  bother you.

Oikawa pouted, but let it go. What surprised him more was that Iwaizumi hadn’t been bothered by watching a romance show which had ended in a break up.

“If I had known you were awake I would have watched something else.” Oikawa said in an understanding voice, switching channel to show his point. Iwaizumi simply shrugged his shoulders again.

> I dunno, I can never relate to such overdramatic shows.

Oikawa nodded, secretly remembering that these very shows sometimes made him feel bad, especially when the couple turned out to be soul mates. Maybe he was a bit too cynical, but he had already given up the hope of ever finding his, and so the very notion of one just made a dark void twitch inside his stomach.

Some cartoon Oikawa didn’t recognize started airing, and he leaned forward while crossing his legs to avert the attention away from his thoughts.

“If we continue like this, this is going to turn into an all-nighter.” Oikawa said off-handedly. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Iwaizumi typing.

> Nah, I never pull all-nighters, else my limit won’t reset.

‘Oh yeah, right.’ Oikawa never had to put any thought into these things, so he had completely forgotten about the simple rule of word-resetting.

A human had to sleep five hours or more for his limit to be reset. It was needed to relax the vocal chords that were responsible for the word counts. Any less sleep and you wouldn’t know with how many words you were left the next day.

They continued watching the cartoon in silence, when of course another romantic sub-plot emerged. Oikawa sighed and fell backwards against the backrest, letting his head roll to the side to look at Iwaizumi who returned his gaze with a side-eyed glance.

“There sure is a lot of romance in media.” Oikawa sighed again. “Shouldn’t there be more movies focusing on good friendship that aren’t for little girls? It’s like adults don’t have best friends.”

“I agree.” Iwaizumi said, the sudden gentle voice startling Oikawa a little bit. He hadn’t expected him to speak.

But then Iwaizumi started typing again, and he took his time, often looking up from the bright display of his laptop, only for his eyes to fall on the illuminated TV screen in which colorful figures jumped around. Oikawa let him type away, and he almost didn’t notice when Iwaizumi finally showed him his written text.

> I mean  
>  Just as it is not easy to find your one true love,  
>  It is exactly as hard to find your one true friend.  
>  Sometimes you find both in the same person,  
>  Sometimes you don’t,  
>  And both is fine  
>  And none is more worth than the other

“Wow, Iwaizumi is really sappy, isn’t he.”Was Oikawa’s immediate response.

“Shut up.” Iwaizumi mumbled, lightly throwing the pillow he had been leaning on at Oikawa’s head. Oikawa easily blocked the shot, but when he shifted his attention back to Iwaizumi, the man had pulled his knees closer to his body, his arms hugging the laptop with the display hiding his face.

But the light of the laptop illuminated his skin, and Oikawa could see that he was slightly blushing. 

Oh, had he been trying to start a 3 AM talk? 

Oikawa adjusted his head to look straight at the ceiling, his hands resting lax on his stomach. 

“Have you found one of your number ones? You don’t have to answer.” He asked, and Iwaizumi stayed quiet. Just as Oikawa wanted to change topic, Iwaizumi mumbled:

“No.”

“Oh?” Oikawa knew too well that if someone said that while being in a relationship, it couldn’t be going too well. “I mean, I know you’re in a relationship, so…want to elaborate?”

Iwaizumi slowly blinked, obviously not being sure if he should put his thoughts into written text. Maybe he didn’t even know what thoughts he exactly had. The two men were quiet for a while, when Iwaizumi finally sighed and suddenly started shifting closer to Oikawa.

Oikawa tensed up, but quickly relaxed when he noticed that his roommate had simply done that to make him able to read his laptop screen while he was typing. At this distance Oikawa could see how the tips of Iwaizumi’s dark hair were shining ever so slightly under the influence of the bright electrical light emitted from the screen. 

There was something so intimate to it that Oikawa couldn’t help but feel himself grow closer to Iwaizumi simply by existing next to him in this moment.

> I guess it’s a bit hard to describe. Just before I say anything, I  
>  want you to know that he’s an amazing person.

Oikawa nodded, and when he glanced at Iwaizumi he could see the display reflecting in his eyes. Iwaizumi’s gaze became gentle, his eyelashes brushing against each other as he closed his eyes to remember what good things had happened because his boyfriend had come into his life.

His bittersweet smile was still so full of fondness that Oikawa felt again a twisted emotion arise inside him. He wanted someone to make that expression when they thought of him. But this time he kept this thought to himself, and Iwaizumi typed:

> I mean, he learned the sign language because of me.  
>  Simply so that when my limit hits we can both switch  
>  to it, so I won’t feel as bad because I’m not able to talk verbally.  
>  He got me this laptop.  
>  Okay, it’s old, but still.  
>  He even helps me prepare my presentations for Uni,  
>  like he comes up with ideas on how I can hold them  
>  with as little words as possible.  
>  He just tries to be here for me and honestly,  
>  he was the first person to ever make me feel like  
>  I was more than my disability.  
>  When I’m alone with him I almost forget  
>  that this is supposed to be a disability.

Suddenly Iwaizumi’s head perked up.

> Sorry, I got lost.

He had typed this hurriedly, quickly pressing enter a few times to start a new paragraph. Oikawa simply smiled.

When Iwaizumi spoke like this about his boyfriend he could barely imagine what in the world made him think that he wasn’t an absolute keeper. But there must be something, because Iwaizumi’s happy façade slowly started crumbling as he went on typing.

> But even after all this, I can’t shake the feeling that  
>  he just doesn’t feel like the one. It’s like something is missing  
>  and I’m not sure what it is. My mom always said your partner  
>  should be one of your best friends, and I don’t even have a **friend**  
>  I feel that way about. I don’t know. Maybe I’m overthinking this.  
>  Maybe this is just how life is.

“If it makes you feel a bit better, I don’t think I’ve found either as well. Always feels weird when people talk about their best friends.” Oikawa said and moved his legs, only to feel a numb sting in his right knee. ‘Are you fucking kidding me.’

Iwaizumi scrolled up in the text document and bolded out the words ‘ **It is exactly as hard** ’. Oikawa chuckled breathlessly, and weirdly enough Iwaizumi’s mood seemed to have lightened up a bit. It was like Oikawa had absorbed some of his bad thoughts. Maybe this was what they meant by sharing pain. To know there was someone that didn’t judge you for what you were experiencing, and maybe even understood it.

“But I guess my band feels like a best friend to me. The group.” Oikawa said with a small smile. He was truly happy to share this other hobby of his with some cool people.

> Not your volleyball club?

“No, that’s my family. Or rather, was.” Oikawa said without giving it much thought, only now realizing that he really felt that way. He felt the familiar pang in his heart and the numbness ridding his face of any emotions. His eyes moved by themselves towards the volleyball on the shelf, and Oikawa tried to suppress his thoughts, but the dark room bathed in the light of the screens had a surreal feeling to it, like time was standing still and nothing being said in its presence was ever really happening.

And so he couldn’t bury the thoughts with a smile and silly expressions, and they simply emerged from deep inside him, where they were always trying to claw their way forward.

He had lost his family, and now he would soon lose his best friend. He couldn’t have borne losing them both at the same time, but the fact didn’t change that soon they would both only be a memory of the past.

Oikawa could feel a sting in his eyes, and he quickly covered them with his hand. His setter hand.

‘Stop you stupid thoughts.’ He couldn’t show weakness, he wouldn’t let himself, not in front of another person. He had an image to hold up, it was the only thing that was keeping everyone else from knowing the real him. If he was his real self-

Suddenly he felt a warm arm around his shoulder.

Oikawa let his hand slide down to look at Iwaizumi with blurry vision.

“It’s okay. I’ve been there.” Iwaizumi said, and even though Oikawa couldn’t really make him out behind the tears filling his eyes, he heard how understanding his gentle voice was.

Oikawa really hated being weak. But maybe it was because this strong Iwaizumi had shown him some of his weak sides, that his mind automatically let his guard down a little bit more than usual.

“It sucks.” Oikawa sniffled and wiped the few tears away.

“It sure does.” Iwaizumi sighed and patted Oikawa’s shoulder before taking back his arm.

They continued watching stupid movies until the sun had already risen.


	4. Chapter 4

Oikawa dragged himself towards the kitchen. Never had he thought that working shifts would mess up his daily schedule this much. He used to be an early bird, even when he almost pulled all-nighters to watch videos of volleyball matches. Somehow his body just wouldn’t ever let him sleep in later than 8 in the morning.

But ever since moving into this apartment, this had drastically changed.

It was one of Oikawa’s free weekends, and he had slept until _11_. 

He lazily scratched his shoulder and almost walked into the door frame, halting only millimeters before impact. With a low grumble he continued walking into the kitchen, making a beeline for the coffee cupboard. Instead of opening it he let his forehead fall against it, some stray strands of hair getting squished in between.

“Uuuuuuuuuuurghs.” Oikawa groaned. He missed having a steady schedule.

“Oh, you’re finally up?” A voice suddenly emerged from behind him. Oikawa languidly turned his head, fixating his tired eyes on his roommate.

“Uuuuuuuurghs.” He answered, and Iwaizumi snickered. “Why are you already up? Did you suck up my energy while I was sleeping?”

“I wanted to go for a walk.” Iwaizumi answered. “Want me to make you some coffee?” Oikawa thought about it for a moment and then nodded. He seated himself at the table, already hearing Iwaizumi opening the jar of instant coffee. Oikawa had really gotten used to the taste.

He stretched his arms and let his upper body rest on the table, his arms and hands following suit. A loud yawn escaped him, almost making a tear emerge from the corner of his eye. Instead he caught sight of the small box of chocolates that was lying next to him.

It had been the apology of Azuma, Iwaizumi’s boyfriend, for having overreacted a month ago, back when the ‘pizza-incident’ had happened. The box was long empty, but it had been decorated with a little drawing of what Oikawa guessed to be Azuma, making an apologetic face. That was the reason Iwaizumi had kept it.

Apparently Azuma loved drawing, and it was obvious by what Oikawa had been shown that he was extremely talented, but he had taken the safe route of studying law. ‘We all struggle to find our place in the world, don’t we?’ Oikawa had thought.

Oikawa had wondered if maybe the couple had connected over a shared passion for art, but as it turned out Iwaizumi sucked badly at drawing, and generally everything that involved being creative.

He flinched as his thoughts were interrupted by a mug being placed next to him.

“Sugar and milk included, should be how you like it.” Iwaizumi said, leaning himself on the kitchen counter while sipping his own milk coffee.

“Huh? You know how I drink my coffee?” Oikawa said surprised, taking the mug into his hand. The thought of someone remembering such a trivial thing made a warm feeling spread through his chest. 

“How could I not remember such an abomination of a coffee.” Iwaizumi laughed and put his free hand into the pocket of his sweatpants. Oikawa held up the cup and took a curious sip.

_Oh._

“That’s my afternoon coffee!” He exclaimed, but took another sip nonetheless.

“Afternoon coffee?” Iwaizumi asked confused.

“Yes, I like my afternoon coffee to be sweet and creamy, but my morning coffee is always quite strong. Helps me with waking up and stuff. Of course you wouldn’t know that one, you usually sleep in until the afternoon.” Oikawa explained and smirked at his roommate, who knowingly averted his eyes.

Oikawa took the mug into both of his hands, his lips lightly touching the rim of the cup. His eyes were barely open, and the sweet smell of the warm beverage filled his senses.

“Still, thank you. No one has ever done that for me.” Oikawa said, smiling happily and looking up at Iwaizumi with a joyful glint in his eyes. He noticed that Iwaizumi had been staring at him, unreadable expression on his face, but after he blinked he returned the gentle smile.

“No problem. Never saw someone so genuinely happy over something simple like that.” Iwaizumi said, taking the last gulp of his own coffee and turning to make himself another one. Oikawa continued drinking, savoring the taste of his own recipe, if he could call it that. He looked out of the window and watched some birds twirl in the warm summer air. The quiet of the room, only disturbed by the rhythmic ticking sound of the clock on the wall and the calm breath of the two young men, really made the moment feel like a calm morning out of a movie.

The silence was broken by Oikawa’s phone ringing in his bedroom. He shot up, quickly walking to get the small device and taking the call.

It was his older sister who had wanted to catch up with him. Oikawa sat himself at the kitchen table again, and Iwaizumi left the room to not make things awkward.

They had talked for at least an hour, Oikawa telling her how his life was going right now, but it was his big sister who had the bigger news. She had a new job and would soon be moving again, but this time closer to home. Oikawa excitedly promised that he would visit her again soon and would help her with moving, but not before his sister invited herself over for some date in the future.

When they hung up, Oikawa’s tongue felt heavy from all the talking. He put the empty mug into the washing machine and shuffled back into the living room, where Iwaizumi was sitting on the sofa and reading a book.

“Damn, you sure talk a lot.” He said when Oikawa seated himself on the other end and started checking the messages on his phone.

“Admit it, you love it~” Oikawa smirked, slightly sticking his tongue out but not taking his eyes off his phone.

“As long as I don’t have to answer.” Iwaizumi said in a dry voice, turning to the next page and equally not looking up.

“You are answering right now.” When Iwaizumi didn’t reply, Oikawa dared to shoot a quick glance, head unmoving. Iwaizumi was squinting with a death stare at the opposing wall, and Oikawa was playfully expecting his next move, when suddenly the doorbell rang.

Oikawa and Iwaizumi looked equally confused, when suddenly Iwaizumi widened his eyes.

“Suga! I forgot about him!” He shouted, dashing towards the door, but not without first having gently placed the book on the sofa. ‘Nerd.’

“Don’t tell me you forgot me.” Oikawa heard Sugawara deadpan. Iwaizumi apologized and let his friend in, but only moments later Sugawara was laughing again.

Oikawa really wondered how those two had met. At first glance they didn’t seem like the type of people who would befriend each other.

“Hello, Suga!~” Oikawa chirped when Sugawara entered the apartment. He was wearing a white button up and shorts, matching the warm early September weather, and of course his glasses. When his full brown eyes met Oikawa’s, they widened excitedly.

“Oh, Oikawa! I didn’t know you’d be here today! How are you?” Sugawara said with his charming, joyful voice. He really should record audio books, Oikawa thought.

“As amazing as I’m looking!” He answered brightly, and behind Sugawara he saw Iwaizumi roll his eyes.

“You are still in your PJs and didn’t even brush your hair.” Iwaizumi said with a flat voice and patted Sugawara on the shoulder to whisper: “Just ignore him if he gets too full of himself. It hurts his pride.”

“I can hear you.” Oikawa growled, but his smirk betrayed his serious expression. Sugawara laughed and adjusted his glasses.

“Already at the stage of insulting each other? Seems like he really was a good pick.” He said to Iwaizumi, and he gave him an approving little smile back. It made Oikawa feel warm inside to see his roommate enjoying this living situation as much as he did.

“So, what brings you here today?” Oikawa asked and leaned his upper body against the backrest of the couch, his arms loosely crossed.

“We were going to have lunch together and go play some volleyball afterwards. You can’t even imagine how little time studying medicine leaves you for hobbies! I really need to move more. Daichi said he can start seeing my tummy.” Sugawara said with a pout and put his arms around his stomach. Iwaizumi laughed, and Oikawa got the urge to pinch Sugawara’s side.

“I bet Mr. Milk Bread here knows what you’re talking about.” Iwaizumi teased, and Oikawa widened his eyes, mouth agape.

“Who gave you the right to drag me like this?” He complained, this time not only playfully offended. He still looked _sharp_ , okay?? It wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t work out anymore!

Well, technically it was his fault.

“Your personality.” Iwaizumi responded with a smirk and turned to walk into the kitchen.

“Rude Iwaizumi, rude!!” Oikawa raised his voice, and Sugawara broke into laughter.

“Hey, Iwaizumi, let’s bring Oikawa with us. I bet that would be a lot of fun.” Sugawara said and put his hand on Oikawa’s shoulder. 

“Sure, I don’t mind.” Iwaizumi called out from the kitchen, and Sugawara shot a gentle smile to Oikawa before they both joined Iwaizumi in the kitchen.

They decided to eat a nice heap of pasta before they left the apartment together, armed with their bags of training gear.

Obviously Oikawa hadn’t told them anything of his medical history. The doctor had not been amused that Oikawa had disregarded his advice, but he had said that if he would take it easy and would continue doing his daily exercises, he should soon be able to _slowly_ start practicing again.

To repress his urge of moving, Oikawa had instead started watching videos of volleyball games again. With them at least his mind would retain his game sense.

But how could he turn down the offer to actually play.

“I heard you are pretty much an all-round player?” Sugawara asked while leaning forward to look past Iwaizumi, who was walking between them. Some clouds were hindering the sun from burning its way through the air, which made their surroundings appear in a gentler, colder shade. It was a nice change to the usual bright reflections.

“Yes, but setting is my specialty.” Oikawa said and adjusted the strap of his bag that was cutting into his shoulder.

“I was really left in awe when we played against your team. You always remain so calm and composed, no matter the situation.” Sugawara continued, looking up at the cloud-obstructed sun, though the subtle rays of sunshine still reflected in his glasses.

Ah, how Oikawa loved to be praised.

“That’s the least I should do as team captain!” Oikawa bragged with a proud voice, straightening his shoulders to give a movement to his emotions.

“I bet it took a lot of work.” Iwaizumi chimed in, only halfway looking at the man next to him. His hair appeared darker than it usually would on a sunny day.

“It’s what was expected of me.” Oikawa stated. More correctly, it was what he had expected of himself. How many times had his teammates joked about his intensity?

But he hadn’t always been a good leader. His thoughts spiraled back in time, to points in his life where he used to practice too much without anyone being there to stop him. Oh, how he still cringed at the memory of him hitting Tobio in the gym and getting banned from club activities for a while.

“And it still wasn’t enough to beat that stupid Ushiwaka.” Oikawa growled, his eyes squinting with pure spite for that man.

“Ushiwaka? You mean Ushijima Wakatoshi?” Iwaizumi said surprised, inching a little bit closer to Oikawa.

“Yes.” Hearing his name spelt out felt like poison. He couldn’t stand this son of a-

“Gosh, I hate him.” Iwaizumi groaned, and Sugawara sighed lightly. It was now Oikawa’s turn to be surprised.

“You too?? God, I’ve been trying to beat him ever since junior high, but I never managed to! And you know what his reaction to that is? He’s calm as shit!”Oikawa let out his frustration, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

“You say it. And no matter how much of an enemy you are, he is just so _down to earth_ when he talks to you. It pisses me off to no end.”

“Yes, exactly! He even had the nerves to tell me that I should have gone to Shiratorizawa! That fucking bastard, I wish I could smash a volleyball right into his face.”

“If you do, call me. Jesus Christ, I wish I could have seen him loosing against my team just once, it would have been so-“

“Calm down Iwaizumi, you’re going to use up your words!” Sugawara tried to pull Iwaizumi back to reality. Instead the man turned his head with a fiery hate glinting in his eyes, making him look like someone who would beat you up in a back alley. But Sugawara knew that even though Iwaizumi had more than enough the ability to do so, he was usually a very gentle individual.

“Using all my words to trash-talk Ushijima sounds like a blast to me.” Iwaizumi replied with a delighted smirk, turning to Oikawa again to continue ranting for a while before Sugawara held his mouth shut to stop him from regretting his impulsive speech.

Damn, what a great roommate Oikawa had found. He laughed as Iwaizumi tried fighting off Sugawara’s good will, but in the end he succumbed to it. Oh well, it wasn’t like they couldn’t live out their shared hate in the next months to come.

They arrived at the gym a little bit later than expected, mainly due to some fangirls of Oikawa’s finding them on their way there. Naturally Oikawa had wanted to converse with them, but Iwaizumi had immediately grabbed the collar of his shirt to drag him away from the scene, like he was the owner of a dog in heat. Sugawara had added that it seemed like things didn’t change much for Oikawa after graduating.

“I’m allowed to talk to them.” Oikawa grumbled as he opened the door to the gym.

“I bet as soon as you are on the court, you’ll have completely forgotten about them.” Iwaizumi added with a sigh, which was only normal after the tall dork had ignored him like a bratty child that had his toy taken away.

It wasn’t like Iwaizumi was absolutely correct.

They all got changed, and when they entered the hall they happily realized that except for a small group of people they had the court for themselves. Not much later they had set up the net and had brought a cart full of volleyballs.

Sugawara took the lead for warming up, something that Oikawa had deemed a bit unnecessary to do in a group, but it reminded him of the team dynamic school, so he didn’t mind it too much. He watched Sugawara stretch his arm, his pale body skinnier than Iwaizumi’s, who honestly looked more like a full-time athlete than Oikawa and Sugawara combined.

It was a little bit weird to Oikawa how his eyes always fell on Sugawara when he was around him. He didn’t even have any romantic interest in him. Though how could anyone not like this gentle but mischievous guy, with such bright, loving eyes and personality full of life and caring? He was going to be an amazing doctor.

“Man, do you ever see someone and question your own sexuality?” Oikawa sighed, though he fixated his eyes on a dark-haired guy from the other group to divert the attention away from his small circle of friends. It would have been weird to throw such a remark into their casual gathering.

“Never met a girl like that, no.” Iwaizumi said, letting his arms fall loosely at his sides. Sugawara snickered at Oikawa’s annoyed expression.

“Oh come on, you are so comfortable with your sexuality, it hurts.” Iwaizumi returned this with a sly smile. In the meantime Sugawara had gotten a volleyball out of the cart, and they passed some overhead tosses before Iwaizumi excused himself for a toilet break, leaving Oikawa and Sugawara alone.

“I wish I had the same confidence as Iwaizumi.” Oikawa sighed as he threw the ball to Sugawara, who caught it with ease. That was not the point of volleyball, which is why Oikawa looked at him with a confused look on his face.

“It’s good that people seem to think that now. It wasn’t always like that.” The silver-haired guy sighed, looking down at the yellow-blue striped ball. He didn’t pass it back, so Oikawa was left with an awkward emptiness in his hands.

“We all have to grow into being a strong person.” Oikawa replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest. The other group of people glanced at them, probably asking themselves what those two were discussing instead of training.

Instead Sugawara sighed again.

“I guess I just wanted to tell you why I was a bit overprotective of Iwaizumi when we first talked.” Sugawara continued, and Oikawa started to understand.

“I don’t think you were overprotective. You were a good friend.” To that Sugawara smiled, though it was sad in a subtle way. Oikawa shifted his weight to his left leg, and Sugawara continued:

“I probably shouldn’t be telling you this, but…Iwaizumi used to be bullied back in school.”

Oikawa widened his eyes. There were people who would choose to go up against Iwaizumi? Had they even looked at him? But what would Oikawa know of his past. He should be last the person not to understand that someone like Iwaizumi must have been the target of harsh words.

“Yeah, the first time I heard it I reacted the same.” Sugawara said and looked up again, rolling the ball in the flat of his hands. “I can’t even imagine how horrible it must be to have someone tell you ‘Say stop if you want us to stop’ while teasing you for hitting your limit.”

“What assholes.” Oikawa burst out and Sugawara nodded acknowledging. His heart pounded harder, but it wasn’t of anger. It was his conscience that felt trapped, like Sugawara would know of what he used to do just by looking at him.

“I mean, he has now realized that not everyone wants to be mean to him. He’s okay with who he is, but I’m still worried. He’s strong, but everyone can break, you know?” Sugawara whispered and looked sincerely into Oikawa’s eyes, brown meeting brown. Oikawa started feeling nervous, but then Sugawara dropped the small tension and smiled. “You seem like a good guy, Oikawa. To be honest, I haven’t seen Iwaizumi this relaxed in a while.”

“Probably because he uses me to let out his violent side.” Oikawa grumbled and averted his eyes, a small motion that let a strand of hair fall in front of his face. Sugawara laughed and unexpectedly threw the ball at Oikawa, who fumbled awkwardly to catch it in time.

“He told me that you deserve it because you are full of shit.”

“Hey!” Oikawa called out, immediately glaring at the gym door and hoping that Iwaizumi would come in right this moment. Instead it was only the group of people that glanced at him.

“But honestly, he has also told me that you turned out quite differently than what he had expected. I think he said something along the lines of ‘He seems like one of these self-loving pretty boys, which he honestly is, but he’s actually a huge dork underneath all that attire. It makes me want to laugh when I see these _‘fangirls’_ of his speak so highly of him, all the while you know how he actually acts when he’s in private.’” Sugawara squinted with a serious expression in his face, lips slightly slanted to imitate Iwaizumi. His flat voice was the last straw to made Oikawa laugh out loud.

At that exact moment they heard the gym door open, Iwaizumi quickly emerging from it and jogging back to them. They were still snickering when he came to a halt next to them, very obviously confused of what seemed to be so funny. Sugawara waved him off and Oikawa passed the ball to Iwaizumi, his quick reflexes catching it before even realizing what had happened.

Iwaizumi asked Sugawara again what was so funny and approached his friend with threatening steps. Sugawara jumped back, innocently holding up his hands with the look of absolute guilt in his face.

Oikawa laughed at the picture, but looking at Iwaizumi made him realize that what he used to think was bullshit.

He could never understand what living a life with a low limit really felt like. Even if it had seemed logical to him that he could comprehend it a bit because he was bi, it was a completely different situation. It was nothing like being discriminated because one liked the same gender.

And Iwaizumi experienced both of it.

“Come on guys, let’s play a little bit before we beat each other up!” Oikawa chirped, and the other two men followed his call.

Their setup was simple: Someone would spike after passing the ball to the setter, and the last person would receive it on the other side of the net. It was fun trying out the different constellations, and just the thought of playing with another setter made Oikawa feel the fire of competition igniting inside him. He could prove himself as the better setter.

Poor, rusty Sugawara obviously had no chance at being as good as Oikawa, but Oikawa remembered that Sugawara’s plays in their last team match had been simple but solid. His personality made up for the lesser skill, and Oikawa could see having Sugawara in a team just for being an amazing morale booster. 

He got to spike a few balls set by Sugawara, and he felt it in his throws that Sugawara was a solid player, but maybe not adept for bigger leagues. Obviously that was why he had started studying something completely different.

Oh, but how Oikawa enjoyed setting to Iwaizumi. He was powerful and easy to adapt to, and in turn Iwaizumi seemed trusting of Oikawa’s talent. It truly felt like a connecting language that needed no words.

After Sugawara had managed to bring back every ball, he proudly bragged about his boyfriend being an amazing receiver, something that made Oikawa roll his eyes and Iwaizumi grin. Oikawa whispered “What kind of receiving are you talking about?” which made Sugawara laugh in surprise and Iwaizumi throw the ball at his arm.

They were changing up the playing order again when the sting in Oikawa’s right knee started flaring up. It was much more intense than last time. During his exercises at home he would usually feel a numb prickling around the area, but never a painful sting. He scowled at his leg, slightly limping to the receiving zone.

“Something wrong?” Iwaizumi asked in the setter position, looking underneath the net at Oikawa’s leg. 

“Hm?” Sugawara hummed curiously, coming closer after seeing Iwaizumi hesitating to start.

“No, don’t worry.” Oikawa dismissed and put his feet firm onto the ground to get a good balance. He wasn’t wearing his knee supporter as he didn’t want them to know about his weakness, but he noticed that his knee definitely didn’t approve of that decision.

“So you know that something’s up. You’re walking weird.” Iwaizumi pushed, ducking under the net and walking in front of Oikawa. When his roommate didn’t answer but instead starting humming while watching a line a few meters ahead of him, Iwaizumi crossed his arms and lifted an eyebrow. “What’s wrong. We won’t continue until you tell me.”

Oikawa sighed and straightened himself up again, slightly looking down at Iwaizumi with tired, annoyed eyes.

“I have some issues with my knee, but that is no-“

“Then why the fuck are you training, you idiot?” Iwaizumi shouted, making some guys in the gym turn to them. Oikawa’s eyes flared up. Who was Iwaizumi to tell him what he was supposed to do? Oikawa knew well enough himself what he was capable of doing.

“That is none of your business.” Oikawa whispered back to shush Iwaizumi up, but he wouldn’t have any of that.

“You go and sit down _right. now._ ” Iwaizumi commanded, authority overwhelming his voice. Most people would have shied away from this tone, but Oikawa was the last one to do that.

“No. I haven’t played for months and I won’t have this taken away from me now.” He starred at Iwaizumi’s dark eyes, but the soul behind them wasn’t backing down.

“Guys, calm down!” Sugawara raised his voice behind them, but neither of them listened to him.

“Think of the future you idiot, not the satisfaction of the present. If you mess up your knee you won’t be able to achieve your dream, am I wrong?”

Oikawa stilled for a moment, the realization of this fact crawling up inside him. He knew this well enough. But if he waited too long without any practice his dream was going to be just as much out of reach. 

He had to push himself. It was the only way to show his worth.

His short hesitation was enough for Iwaizumi to grab Oikawa’s shoulders and push him backwards. Oikawa couldn’t stop without the risk of falling, and so he reluctantly let himself be lead by Iwaizumi’s hands. Once again he realized how strong this slightly smaller man was, with hair like a tree in the shadows and the piercing eyes of a hunting dog. They were the only things in Oikawa’s vision, and he even saw the light stubble forming around Iwaizumi’s jawline. In the next moment his back hit the wall and he was forced to sit down. It was only then that Iwaizumi let go of him and sighed.

“Just so we’re clear, if you get up to play I’ll punch you in the face. Then we’ll see if people still think you’re that pretty.” He said with a harsh voice, but his eyes shone with worry.

“Come on, I know you think the same.” Oikawa joked and stuck his tongue out to force down his own impulse to fight back again. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and stood up, quietly looking down at Oikawa.

“You know well enough that you are, so shut up.” He said as if he was telling a fact. 

Oikawa had never heard a guy imply that he was pretty. It somehow made him incredibly excited, but luckily enough he was good at swallowing his real emotions. He felt his body slightly warming up, so he redirected the feeling into teasing words:

“Just admit that you’re flirting with me.” A sly smile played around his face, and Iwaizumi stared at him with soulless eyes.

“Suga, can I punch this person?” He asked with a flat voice that could have belonged to a coldhearted killer. But Oikawa had nothing to fear, Sugawara was a good person that wouldn’t-

“Of course!~”

“SUGAWA- HEY! DON’T COME CLOSER IWAIZUMI! I’M INJURED!” Oikawa squawked and pushed his back against the wall, as if he could suddenly slip through it.

“Apparently not enough.” Iwaizumi whispered with cold eyes and cracked his knuckles.  
__________________

Oikawa opened the door, a big yawn escaping his exhausted body. He had just come home from his evening shift and it was already quite late.

“Welcome back.” A voice emerged from the dimly lit living room. Of course Iwaizumi was still awake. When Oikawa shuffled into the apartment he saw his roommate on the sofa with some book from his course lying on his crossed legs.

“Why are you studying, you don’t even have classes tomorrow.” Oikawa said as he gently placed his backpack behind the sofa, putting his hands on the back of the furniture and looking atop Iwaizumi’s studies.

“You really don’t know anything about university, do you.” Iwaizumi sighed, closing his book and stretching his arms behind him, letting out a demotivated grunt.

“Not long until that harsh reality is going to catch up with me.” Oikawa wailed and closed his eyes. He didn’t really want to think about that now. 

“Did you wear your knee support for work?” Iwaizumi asked, eyebrows furrowing while looking up at Oikawa, who only slightly opened his eyes again.

“What, are you my mom Iwaizumi.” The death glare of the century rayed upon him, and Oikawa felt an instinctual shiver run through his spine.

“Yes, I did, okay!” He squawked, wondering how such a nice person was able to call upon such facial expressions.

“Good.” Iwaizumi simply replied, letting his head fall on the back rest. “Why am I still not tired.” He complained with a desperate sigh. Oh, so he was at least trying to have a steady sleeping schedule.

Oikawa looked down at his backpack with a pondering look. Would Iwaizumi be up for it…? He didn’t seem like the type of person who would mind.

“If you want to we could drink a bit.” Oikawa decided to ask him. Iwaizumi’s head perked up in surprise.

“You got alc?” He asked, his eyes glinting expectantly. 

“Yeah. My co-worker sometimes sells it to me. Okay, he buys it and I give him the money afterwards. Just today I got some more beer.” Oikawa explained, and Iwaizumi grinned. Who cared that they were only one year underage. In other countries you could drink at the age of 16, so it wasn’t weird that two 19-year olds wanted to share a drink. If they could live alone they should be able to buy some goddamn beer.

“Hit me the fuck up.” Oikawa laughed and heaved his backpack over the sofa, himself following suit. He had changed out of his uniform back at work, so he was already wearing clothes that were quite comfortable. They each took out a can of beer and Iwaizumi eyed it curiously.

“Oh, with flavor.” He stated and gently opened the can, anxiously hoping it wouldn’t explode right into his face.

“Yeah. I tried normal beer and it tastes disgusting.” Oikawa explained and opened his own beverage that had been industrially mixed with lemonade. One day he’d be able to drink actual beer, he told himself. He was happy that Iwaizumi didn’t make fun of him for that.

They talked a little bit about their day, Iwaizumi keeping his own part short for obvious reasons. Oikawa did exactly the opposite as he loved sharing little details of his life, and Iwaizumi listened with small nods between sips. After a while they turned on the TV and watched some lesser known comedy show that wasn’t half bad. The atmosphere was incredibly relaxing, and once again Oikawa was happy to have moved in with another person. He was sure that these were memories he was going to hold dear in the future. Maybe that future would even include Iwaizumi as his friend?

After they were almost done with their beer, Oikawa got a stupid idea.

“Hey, we could play a drinking game.” He suggested, downing the rest of the bitter-sweet liquid. Iwaizumi let the bottom of his can circle in his hand.

“Are there even any fun ones you can play with two people?”

“Yeah, there is one I came up with a while ago. You guess something about the other person. If you are right the other has to drink, and if you’re wrong you have to drink.”

“Simple, but good.” Iwaizumi approved, taking a new can of beer out of Oikawa’s backpack that was now resting on the floor. He turned down the volume of the TV and sat himself sideways with one leg angled to better see Oikawa. The young man also took another can of beer and cautiously opened it. He could only slightly feel the alcohol of his last drink manifesting inside him, so he didn’t worry about drinking one or two more.

“You had the idea, so you start.” Iwaizumi stated as he lifted his drink to his mouth, only then realizing he wasn’t supposed to do that. Oikawa let his eyes glide through the room, humming while trying to find something that would give him an idea. They fell on the laptop that was resting on the small table in front of them.

“I bet your wallpaper has something to do with volleyball.” Oikawa started, looking back at Iwaizumi expectantly, but he shook his head. Oikawa pouted and took a good gulp. He had been so sure.

“It’s a scenery of a sunset.” Iwaizumi corrected him.

“Wow, that actually fits so well.” Oikawa said and nodded. He lifted his arm in a protective way as Iwaizumi shifted, but it hadn’t been the initiation of a pillow attack. Iwaizumi had simply sat himself into another position, both legs crossed on the sofa. He pointed at Oikawa with the index finger of the hand that was holding his drink and said:

“I bet yours has something to do with volleyball.” Oikawa squinted at him and took another gulp, all the while Iwaizumi grinned triumphantly. 

“Not fair.” Oikawa murmured, just so low that Iwaizumi couldn’t hear his defeated voice.

“Your turn again.”

“Hmmmmm…I bet if you were a dog, you’d be a Rottweiler.” Iwaizumi lifted his eyebrows.

“You can ask something like that?” Oikawa nodded, and Iwaizumi pondered on it. “Well…I think that’s a good guess.” So he drank.

“And what would I be?” Oikawa asked, excitedly swaying from side to side. Hups, maybe the beer was making him a bit more light-hearted. He bet he would be an amazing and smart dog, something like an Australian Shepherd.

“A Chihuahua.”

“HEY!” Oikawa shouted, overpowering Iwaizumi’s snicker that he hadn’t been able to hold back. “You drink! I’d be a graceful and smart dog!”

“I only see a yapping puppy.” Iwaizumi smirked smugly with half-lidded eyes, something that Oikawa’s slightly hazy brain would have deemed as attractive if it hadn’t been occupied with having its pride offended.

“You. Drink.” Oikawa snarled, and Iwaizumi complied with a laugh. Maybe this hadn’t been a good idea after all. “And now you ask, or this is going to go back and forth.”

“Hmm…You did _not_ have a dinosaur phase.” Oikawa drank.

“Does that mean you had one?” Oikawa asked, and Iwaizumi drank before Oikawa could tell him that this had been a normal question. “Can I just add that this one fits you _so well_. You almost look like a dinosaur yourself.”

“What’s that supposed to mean.” Iwaizumi leaned forward and starred down Oikawa, but he looked so upright innocent that he let it pass this time. “Then what kinda phase did you have?”

“Aliens.” Oikawa replied, and Iwaizumi made a surprise face.

“I’d have guessed horses or some guilty pleasure like that, but aliens?” Oikawa nodded. He had long grown out of the phase of thinking that UFO’s flew through their sky, though he still liked the concept of aliens. It was a fascinating topic that could spurt on many conversations, and alien movies were either absolute trash or incredibly well made. Oikawa liked both.

So they started talking about what lied in the past of their world, which consisted of so many things humanity could never find out. Iwaizumi was curious if humans had always had word restrictions, and why evolution thought it was a good idea to make such a capable race be born with this big of a disadvantage in communication. 

Iwaizumi also added that he found languages incredibly interesting as some had tried adapting to that exact handicap by introducing long words that could be combined to form short but meaningful sentences. On the other hand they also had languages like English which was made up by many short words, which made sense when seen in a historical context as only upper class people with high limits were able to speak it.

They also talked about the future. What if they were really going to contact aliens, and if they did, what they would think of humanity. Maybe aliens had an entirely different handicap or even none at all. But even if they disregarded aliens in the concept of the future, it still held many speculations like the theories of parallel universes and what they could imply. Maybe one day it would be possible to switch into another world to live a better life, but that would most likely lead to absolute chaos.

What the two men didn’t agree on was what was more important: Studying more of what their home planet held, or study what lied behind it. Iwaizumi thought that the earth was so full of information, knowledge and phenomenon that still needed to be explored before thinking about things that were completely out of their reach. It was much more sustainable to first get their earth into a good place before trying to look out into the window of the universe.

Oikawa instead thought that the more knowledge, the better. He believed that looking for clues in outer spaces could help them better understand what their place in the universe was, and how meaningless their little problems on earth seemed in comparison to that. It put things into a different perspective and opened up many more options which could be useful for a future they couldn’t phantom at this day and age.

“Gosh I should really stop talking. I always blabber like a machine gun when I’m tipsy.” Iwaizumi groaned, looking at his discarded word-counting notebook on the table. It was now a play of guess when his limit was going to hit.

“But isn’t it nice to have a conversation without worrying about it?” Oikawa argued, eyes closed to match his smiling lips. Iwaizumi sighed and took a sip of his third beer. Oikawa had only bought a six-pack so this was the last one they could drink, but the alcohol felt nicely warm in his body, and it wasn’t too much to make him feel anywhere close to uncomfortable. “By the way, there is something I’ve been curious about.”

Iwaizumi nodded, gently putting down his can on the backrest of the sofa. Oikawa could already see it falling down, but in his momentary state of mind his question was much more important.

“I know that words count towards the limit, duh, but what about sounds? Like laughing? Or crying?” Iwaizumi cleared his throat.

“No, that stuff doesn’t count. You can still do sounds when you hit your limit, they just sound a little bit weird. I mean you can even laugh quite loudly, but you bet you’re gonna sound like a dying walrus.” Oikawa almost spit out his beer at the thought. “And…it would be kind of problematic when you have a partner. Like. Moan-“

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION.” Oikawa shouted a little bit too loud, which made the startled Iwaizumi almost throw his beer off the couch. After he made sure it wasn’t falling he cautiously took it into his hand and drank one more gulp before putting it onto the table.

“Considering you are new to this gay experienced I thought you might want to talk about this topic.” Iwaizumi explained. It was now obvious to Oikawa that not only he was a little bit tipsy.

“How would you even know that I’m new?” Oikawa complained, puffing out his cheeks. He didn’t like being inexperienced in anything, and even less so when people knew about it.

“You have three guesses.” Iwaizumi said in a monotone voice, and Oikawa immediately caught on.

“ _Suga._ ” He sighed, and Iwaizumi nodded before snickering. It really had a nice ring to Oikawa’s ears. “He reeeeeally likes to tell stuff, doesn’t he.”

“Yeah. Awful, am I right? But if you tell him it’s supposed to be a secret he’ll keep shut like a safe. Oh, which reminds me, what did you guys talk about when we were at the uni court last week? You know, when I was at the bathroom.”

“That you think I’m full of shit.” Oikawa grumbled with a pout, and Iwaizumi started laughing without really caring that Oikawa had beaten around the bush. Iwaizumi leaned forward and patted Oikawa’s shoulder, all the while the man tried swatting away his arm in a playfully annoyed way. In the end even he laughed, though maybe it was more the influence of the alcohol that made him prone to it.

He let himself flop to the side, landing right in front of Iwaizumi.

“I think we are becoming good friends.” Oikawa spoke his thoughts out loud without really meaning to, but at the moment it just felt right to give them a recipient.

“Of course you would only say that while drunk.” Iwaizumi said with a breathy laugh, flicking Oikawa’s forehead which made him yelp in exaggerated pain. He pushed himself up, glaring at Iwaizumi who simply returned the stare with unimpressed eyes.

“Don’t downplay my honesty!” Oikawa complained, leaning forward and impulsively hugging Iwaizumi. 

He appreciated him, so why was he so mean!

“Are you honestly a touchy-drunk, because that one fits _you_ so well.” Iwaizumi said amusedly, looking down at the brown haired dork who had mashed his cheek against his chest with a hilariously offended face. He put an arm around him with a small laugh that Oikawa could feel lowly tremble through his own body.

“But yeah, I think we’re really becoming good friends.” Iwaizumi added and patted Oikawa’s back like he was in the company of a friendly dog.

“I’ll rethink it. Iwaizumi is always so rude.” Oikawa murmured, and Iwaizumi rolled his eyes, which Oikawa obviously couldn’t see. “Pffffft, saying Iwaizumi is such a mouthful.”

“Well, that’s my name.” Iwaizumi said with perched up eyebrows. The way his voice rumbled deeply in Oikawa’s ears had something extremely calming to it, so much that he could imagine himself falling asleep right here and then.

“But I always shorten my friends’ names.” Oikawa mumbled, now opening his eyes.

“I’m fine with Iwaizu-“

“Iwa-chaaaaan.” Oikawa sang, hugging Iwaizumi closer.

“No, please not tha-“

“Iwa-chan, Iwa-chaaaan, Iwa-chaaaaaaaan~” Suddenly he felt a pillow hitting the back of his head. 

“Stop being mean, Iwa-chan!! You can’t choose nicknames!!” Oikawa let go of Iwaizumi to lift himself up so he could properly look at Iwaizumi with hurt eyes, a move which he probably should have reconsidered. In the blink of an eye his face was being stuffed with a pillow, and next thing he was being thrown back to his side of the sofa.

“IWA-CHAN IS TRYING TO KILL ME!” Oikawa cried out without any thoughts to what their neighbors might think. Iwaizumi’s voice definitely had the ring of someone who was trying to end his life.

“I’m doing what, Shittykawa? Want to meet the floor again, Trashkawa? You Crappykawa should-“

And like that Iwaizumi hit his limit. Oikawa freed himself of the pillow and looked at his roommate with worry before he noticed what had happened. Immediately after they both broke out into laughter.

It really sounded like a dying walrus.  
__________________

Oikawa was standing in the kitchen, humming songs he had practiced a few days ago with his band. The notes vibrated gently through his throat and the kitchen, filling it with a gleeful atmosphere.

He was waiting for the muffins to finally be ready. Oikawa didn’t bake often, but the task of making sweets had something very relaxing to it. It was a lot less stressful than cooking. 

It was his mother’s recipe, and Oikawa fondly remembered how he used to bake these exact muffins with his sister, back when they were several years younger and still living together. Usually it ended in a mess, one’s hair dirty with flour and another’s cheek having the butter wrapping stuck to it. Their mom obviously wasn’t happy about that, so the times they baked together had been quite few. But maybe exactly because of that it was such a funny memory.

In his own apartment, Oikawa had already cleaned up all the tools and was waiting for the oven to fulfill his duty.

He barely heard the front door open.

“I’m back.” Iwaizumi’s ragged voice traveled through the apartment.

“Welcome back.” Oikawa replied, a habit they had steadily formed. Weird, how in the beginning Oikawa had hoped he wouldn’t have to interact too much with his roommate, but now loved every minute of it. “How was it outside?”

“Good, good. It’s getting a bit colder tough.” Iwaizumi said as he entered the kitchen. “Oh, you’re baking? I thought something smelled nice, and it definitely wasn’t you.” Oikawa turned around and squinted at Iwaizumi with a challenging smile. He was starting to get good at insulting.

Oh yeah, he had almost forgotten he had lent him his Aoba Jōhsai jacket for jogging. That morning Iwaizumi had asked him if he had any sports jackets left as his own were all hanging wet in the laundry room. It was weird to see him such bright colors – dominant white with light blue – when he usually exclusively wore dark clothes.

It suited him and made the image appear in Oikawa’s head of what it would have looked like if Iwaizumi had been on his high school volleyball team. He bet it would have been a ton of fun to have him around. On second thought, considering his sassy teammates it would have ended in a disaster for Oikawa.

“You really should wear more bright colors, they look good on you.” Oikawa said as he leaned his back on the kitchen counter, next to the oven as not to burn his skin on it. Iwaizumi sighed.

“Now you sound like my mother. Thanks for lending it to me though. I really didn’t want to catch a cold.” Iwaizumi said as he let the jacket slide of his arms, revealing his regular black sports shirt. Oikawa had wanted to go jogging with him, but now that he knew about Oikawa’s injury there was no way he would let him.

“No problem.” Oikawa said with a smile, glancing down at the oven clock to check how long the muffins still had to bake.

“You haven’t forgotten that Azu is coming over today, right?” Iwaizumi asked, already turning around to head for the shower. It was the first time in all these months that Iwaizumi’s boyfriend was visiting their apartment. Usually Iwaizumi went to Azuma’s place as he lived very close to Iwaizumi’s university, so it just made sense to head over there after classes.

“Nope! That’s one reason I’m making muffins.” Oikawa said brightly, putting his hands into the pockets of his sweat pants. Iwaizumi smiled approvingly.

“He’s going to love that. Just…” He hesitated, and Oikawa looked at him expectantly. Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head and let his hand sit there, averting his eyes and fumbling with his next words: “Just don’t say anything like you just did. You know, that something looks good on me, or something along those lines. He’s really on edge because…you know…he-“

“It’s okay. I won’t say anything like that.” Oikawa immediately understood, looking at Iwaizumi with a small but honest smile. His roommate immediately relaxed, nodding without looking at Oikawa and turning around to finally head into the shower.

Oikawa was really curious to find out what this Azuma was really like. The eyes of love could stop someone from seeing the true colors of their partner’s personality, but Oikawa didn’t see Iwaizumi as the type of person who would let himself be roped into such blind fascination. 

Then the oven’s alarm clock finally went off and Oikawa’s thoughts shot straight back to the muffins. He took them out, put them gently on a cooling platform and immediately took pictures to send his sister. As soon as he had hit send, she had already looked at the message and was writing her reply. Apparently she had just wanted to text him. They wrote each other for a while until Iwaizumi came walking into the kitchen again, wearing a baggy shirt and boxer shorts. His hair had already been blow-dried.

“Do you want to try one? They taste better when they are hot.” Oikawa suggested, stepping sideways to present the homemade chocolate chip muffins glory.

“Oh, so just like men.” Iwaizumi said with a flat voice, and Oikawa laughed. His naturally serious face just made every joke seem double as funny.

“I hope you like them. Oh, I’ll bring down the trash before I forget it.” Oikawa remembered, taking the already sealed trash bag that was standing next to the kitchen entrance and walking towards the front door.

“How useful, the trash is bringing itself out.” Iwaizumi called out after Oikawa.

“I thought you used your words to be nice!” Oikawa shouted back, putting on his slippers to not get his socks dirty outside.

“Like I need to be nice to you.” Iwaizumi responded with lower voice, mouth obviously filled with a muffin.

“…” Because Oikawa was better than that he left the apartment and did his duty of trash-disposal before shuffling upstairs again. Damn, he missed living at ground-level.

When he entered their apartment, Iwaizumi was leaning on his bedroom door, obviously waiting for something. As soon as he noticed Oikawa his head perked up.

“Hey, I just want you to know I don’t really mean these things I’m saying.” He said to Oikawa’s surprise.

“I know?” He replied in return, a little bit confused as to why Iwaizumi pointed it out. It was obvious, wasn’t it?

“Okay. Good.” Iwaizumi said with a relieved but gentle smile. “Then I’m gonna go get changed.”

Like this Iwaizumi disappeared into his room. Oikawa sighed, though it wasn’t negative. In the end he would just always be nice, wouldn’t he?

Oikawa had to get changed as well, so he quickly slipped into his room to put on the clothes he had already laid ready onto his bed this morning. He didn’t like wasting too much time with considering options when he had to hurry. It was a simple outfit, namely a pair of regular jeans and a white-blue striped shirt that had bought because it reminded him of the Aoba Jōhsai colors. 

Outside he heard the doorbell ring and the quick, shuffling feet of his roommate running out of his room.

Oikawa followed suit, only to catch the couple in the middle of their greeting kiss. It was the first time Oikawa saw two men kiss in person, and it felt a little bit surreal to him. In only an instance they had parted again, so he didn’t feel awkward walking up to them.

“Hello Azuma! It’s nice to finally meet you.” Oikawa said with a bright voice, coming to a halt before him and putting his hand out for a handshake.

He was a little bit taller than Oikawa with a natural, sturdy built that was not due to any sports he might do outside of university. Some very noticeable stubble formed over his well-formed jaw, and his gentle, dark brown eyes were framed by thick black glasses. His deep black hair was tied back in a short ponytail, though the hair curled back into his natural form wherever it had been able to escape the shaping done by its owner. His body was clothed in a red and black flannel shirt, paired with slightly ripped black jeans.

Or short: He really looked like a queer art student.

“Hello Oikawa. I can only say the same, I’ve heard a lot about you.” Azuma said with a deep voice that matched his looks and took Oikawa’s hand in a firm handshake.

“I bet, Iwaizumi told me that your sister is apparently quite fond of me.” Oikawa said and put his free hand behind his puffy, brown hair. Azuma sighed and looked at Iwaizumi with jokingly desperate eyes while letting go of Oikawa.

“If only you knew. When I told her I was visiting today she wanted to force her way into letting her come as well.”

“Well, I hope I can live up to my name!~” Oikawa chirped joyfully. Oh, how he loved acting like this with people he barely knew. “But I have to go to work later, so I won’t be here for long.”

“I don’t think we’ll mind.” Azuma said, glancing smugly at Iwaizumi who averted his eyes. ‘Oh boy.’ Suddenly Oikawa was very happy that those two usually hung out at Azuma’s apartment. 

“You guys can go sit on the couch, I’ll bring you some drinks.” Iwaizumi fled the conversation, leaving behind a grinning Azuma.

“And the muffins!” Oikawa shouted. He noticed out of the corner of his vision that Azuma was eyeing him apprehensively. It stopped when Oikawa looked back at him. 

They sat themselves on the couch, Azuma on the place where Iwaizumi usually stayed.

“It really hasn’t changed much since the last time I’ve been here.” Azuma said, observing the apartment with attentive eyes.

“I have most of my stuff in my room. We didn’t see the need to change anything.” Oikawa explained while shrugging his shoulders.

“You know, at first I was supposed to move here.” Azuma said, leaning back on the sofa with good posture. “But a very good university surprisingly took me in, and Hajime didn’t want me to miss out that chance. Unfortunately the campus is quite far away, so I had to take an apartment closer to the city.” Oikawa wondered if the reason his flat was right next to Iwaizumi’s university was so they could see each other more often.

“Then why didn’t Iwaizumi move to you?” Oikawa asked curiously. It seemed like the perfect place for him to live.

“My apartment is quite small. It’s built right into an old woman’s house who is renting out the flat for students like me.” Azuma explained, looking back to the kitchen where Iwaizumi was preparing their drinks.

“Oh, that sounds adorable!” Oikawa said gleefully with a – self-proclaimed – cute smile. Azuma nodded.

“Absolutely. Sometimes she brings over leftovers or sweets. When I introduced her to Hajime she was absolutely smitten with him. If she were a tad younger I’d probably have to be afraid!” Azuma joked and Oikawa acted accordingly. What a sweet living situation.

“As if he’d ever consider a woman.” Oikawa replied with a smirk, remembering all his conversation with Iwaizumi.

“That’s true.” Azuma again shot a glance at the kitchen, probably wondering what was taking his boyfriend so long. “I’m gonna go help him.” He told Oikawa and got up.

Oikawa noticed he had forgotten his phone in his room and quickly went to grab it. He saw that his sister had written him several times, so he sat himself on his bed and responded her. Outside he heard the sound of plates being placed on a table, probably his cue to emerge from his room again.

“Oh, where did Oikawa go?” He heard Azuma’s voice ask.

“Probably the bathroom.” Iwaizumi answered nonchalantly. Oikawa only had to answer two more texts, they could wait that long.

“So…That is Oikawa.” His head perked up, surprised to hear his name.

“Yeah. Is he really as bad as your sister made him seem?” Iwaizumi said with a laugh. “He gets better with time, trust me.”

“That’s not it…You know, I let people be the way they are. It’s none of my business.” Azuma explained. Oikawa slowly got up and sat himself next to his door to hear them better. Who wouldn’t be curious what people talked about you when they thought you weren’t listening, though he was still dabbling away on his phone.

“That’s true. It’s what I like about you.” Iwaizumi said, and Oikawa could hear the fondness in his voice.

“It’s just weird to think that he’s the guy you’ve been spending all your words on lately.” This made Oikawa slowly lower his phone and listen closely.

“Come on Azuma, please stop.” Iwaizumi said with a quiet voice that Oikawa could barely hear. “You know that I love you, and no matter who I’m living with is going to change that.”

“But it’s been several times now that we’ve had our goodnight call and you didn’t even have the words left to tell me ‘I love you’. Am I not even worth three words to you?”

Was this guy serious?

Oikawa slowly got up as not to make any sounds. There was no way this wasn’t making Iwaizumi feel like crap. Suddenly he felt really protective of his roommate and new-found friend. He took a deep breath, waited a few seconds and then left his room with his phone in hand, a big smile brightening up his face.

“Sorry guys, my sister texted me something really funny and I had to respond to it!” He interrupted their talk, both of them very obviously startled that Oikawa had not emerged from the expected bathroom door. Azuma starred at him with big eyes, and Iwaizumi simply looked awkward between them. Oikawa played innocently, flashing them a playful grin. “Did I interrupt something?”

“No, don’t worry. Come on, let’s eat.” Iwaizumi said, taking Azuma’s hand and sitting on the sofa. Oikawa didn’t bother joining them and sat himself on the floor, right at the table. They drank their coffee and ate Oikawa’s muffins, Azuma complimenting him that they were indeed incredibly tasty. He even asked for the recipe.

“By the way, Oikawa, _could_ I bring my sister over? I could get some huge bonus points with her if I did.” Azuma asked and Oikawa put his cup of coffee down.

“Sure, I don’t mind. There is enough Oikawa for everyone!” He said with a cheerful voice, making a peace sign next to his face. Iwaizumi simply rolled his eyes and smirked. “Just don’t let her tell anyone else where I live, or I won’t get any peace anymore.”

“Sure, sure! Thank you a lot, I didn’t expect you to agree.” Azuma said, seeming very pleased. Oikawa checked the time on his phone and realized he was supposed to get ready for work.

“Well, unfortunately I’ll have to leave you without my presence now. Work is calling.” Oikawa said, ending the phrase with a dramatic sigh.

“Hop hop, go earn that rent.” Iwaizumi said lightly, which made Oikawa pout at him. He got up in a playfully offended way and stomped back into his room, earning him a headshake from Iwaizumi and a confused look from Azuma. This time he got changed at home as he wouldn’t have enough time to do so at work. After packing everything he needed – namely water and a change of clothes – he heard the sound of Iwaizumi tuning his guitar.

Oikawa would have really loved to sing along to his playing again, but he couldn’t be late for work. Instead he was able to catch the notes of the first song he played, a song that Oikawa immediately recognized. 

It was Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

He emerged from his room, the two other men not even noticing his presence. Iwaizumi was concentrating on his guitar, playing the song as flawlessly as his skills allowed. Azuma listened intently, not taking his eyes of his boyfriend as if doing so would rupture the moment. Oikawa wanted to pass by quietly, but obviously his mind couldn’t hold back.

“Are you emo, Iwa-chan~” he sang to the notes of the song, immediately hurrying to the front door after saying them. With a last shred Iwaizumi abruptly stopped playing, the tone hanging in the air like an unfinished art piece. Oikawa didn’t even have to look to know what kind of stare was burning at the back of his skull. He was sure that if Azuma hadn’t been there he would have felt the consequences here and now.

“Iwa-chan?” Was the only thing Azuma had to say.

“Don’t bother, he’s an idiot. I didn’t approve of it.” Iwaizumi scowled and resumed the song, but Azuma was still glancing at Oikawa with unsure eyes.

“Don’t look at me like that. You can have all of Iwaizumi, what would I even want with him.” Oikawa shot back, seeing in Azuma’s face the small shock of having been discovered. Hopefully that showed him that he didn’t have to be possessive in this household. 

“He’s the best, okay.” Azuma instead replied, putting an arm over Iwaizumi.

“ _Azu._ ” Iwaizumi said with a heightened voice, looking embarrassedly at his boyfriend. Oikawa hoped that Azuma would behave better as soon as he would leave them alone.

“What, I’m only honest! But hey, Oikawa, it was nice meeting you. I’m sorry for being a bit weird today. I hope we can get along.” Azuma said, a nice but awkward smile on his face. At least he acknowledged that he had not been acting correctly.

“First times are always weird. Hope to see you soon, and tell your sister I’m excited to meet her!” He said brightly before leaving the house, now having to hurry as not to be late for work. At least it took his mind of what could be happening at home, but after having started working he realized that it was none of his business. If Iwaizumi minded he would have to talk with Azuma, not Oikawa.

It didn’t take long for Oikawa to get incredibly bored. He put new wares into the shelves, checked if there was any cleaning due and then took over the register. He had kind of hoped that Iwaizumi and Azuma would show up, but they didn’t.

It felt like an eternity until Oikawa was finally able to leave. Well, he shouldn’t complain, he was really happy to have gotten the job and to be able to afford this gap year. It didn’t make the boring work any sweeter though. He really missed doing things that used his brain and body. At least it started to motivate him for university.

And he had gotten paid yesterday, a feeling which would probably never stop being amazing. Of course most of it was going into his university and emergency funds, but he was still paying a part of his rent - his parents taking over the other part -, and sometimes he wanted to treat himself to something.

It was then that he passed a store he had walked by almost every day and he had always wanted to check out. His steps slowed down and he peeped into the window, surprised that the shop was still open at this hour. An item caught his eye, and he felt like it was a stupid idea, but something he couldn’t place made him slowly enter the shop which greeted him with soft light and the voice of a tired vendor.


	5. Chapter 5

Tap. Tap. TapTap. Tap. Tap. TapTap.

Oikawa was tapping the end of his pen on the counter of the register, matching the beat of the pop song that was playing on the radio. Usually he would only do that when he was bored out of his mind, but this time he did it to distract it.

Why was he even nervous, he had done nothing wrong.

He looked outside the window, the sun having already risen over the edges of the nearby buildings. It was fall and thus Oikawa cherished every ray of sunshine before the grayish, depressing rain was going to hit the neighborhood and his mood.

At least he had a home he was happy to always go back to, but said home was exactly what was troubling his mind at the moment.

Tap. Tap. TapTap. Tap. Tap. TapTap.

Why were no customer coming. His friendly act would at least give him something to do.

It wasn’t like something had happened back at the apartment. Oikawa thought of the box that was lying on top of the kitchen table, next to the handwritten note.

Tap. Tap. TapTap. Tap. Tap. TapTap.

He had bought it on an impulsive night over a month ago, but as soon as the next morning had hit, Oikawa had been overcome with doubts. In the end he had decided to just keep it, but a few days ago he had found it in his drawer again. If he would simply leave it there he would have bought it for nothing, and that embarrassed him more than overcoming the question if this wasn’t a little bit too much.

That was why in the spur of the moment Oikawa had laid it on the kitchen table and had left for work. There was no turning back now. He couldn’t walk out of work to run to the apartment and hide it again, but Iwaizumi would definitely be awake when Oikawa came back home after 2 P.M.

Tap. Tap. TapTap. Tap. Tap. TapTap.

He just had to let it happen, and he would have been okay with it if he didn’t have to wait several hours for it. Oikawa sighed just as a customer entered, which made him immediately perk up with his gleeful personality, welcoming the person inside the shop. 

Luckily the people started pouring in from that moment on, and Oikawa was kept busy until the next employee came to take over the evening shift.

On his way home Oikawa didn’t know if he should hurry or stall for time. In the end his steps quickened just as his heart rate did, and he didn’t even really notice the passing buildings or the gentle warmth of the sun. Only when he entered the apartment complex he realized that something different than the usual exchange was probably going to greet him.

He tried to act nonchalantly as he opened the door and entered the flat.

“I’m back~” He took the initiative of words, humming a few strings of melodies while taking off his shoes. Immediately he heard the sound of a chair being pushed back and in the next moment Iwaizumi emerged at the kitchen entrance, looking at Oikawa with bewilderment.

“Are you _crazy_.”

Oikawa played with his smile, making it seem like it was no big deal.

“Maybe a little bit! But it wasn’t expensive. I mean it’s second hand.” He explained with a shrug of his shoulders, walking towards Iwaizumi who stood completely frozen. Suddenly his eyebrows furrowed, and Oikawa made a dead halt before his searching eyes, like Iwaizumi was trying to pierce his soul for an answer.

“What did you break. What did you do.” Iwaizumi asked with a threatening voice, putting one hand on the wooden doorframe.

“Nothing! I know it seems weird, but sometimes I can be nice.” Oikawa said, crossing his arms before his chest. Iwaizumi responded with a genuinely stunned expression.

“What the fuck is your definition of nice. Being nice means making dinner or cleaning the apartment. Not buying your roommate a _smartphone_.”

Oikawa knew he was right and dropped the act of casual lightness with a sigh. It still didn’t lift the confusion of why this was happening.

“I just…look. I saw how much money I’m making right now, which I’m mostly saving up for University, but in the end I know that my parents are going to help me out with a lot of the costs. I don’t know too much about your financial situation, but from what you’ve told me it seems like you’re struggling quite a bit. I just. There is nothing I really need to buy with this money. I already have a smartphone which kind of seems unfair, given the situation. I don’t know. I _realize_ this is over the top. It was an impulsive decision. I just wanted to help you. It felt right at the moment.” Oikawa scratched the back of his head, trying to hide the sudden embarrassment by looking at the floor next to him. Speaking it out loud was a lot more awkward than when he had practiced it inside his head. He could feel the warmth creep up his cheeks and hoped it wasn’t too visible from the outside.

“Was it expensive?” He heard Iwaizumi ask, but Oikawa didn’t dare lifting his eyes. Instead he shook his head.

“It’s an old generation and in comparison to what I’m earning it’s really not worth the talk.” He explained and only looked up at Iwaizumi after the man had let out a deep sigh. Iwaizumi had closed his eyes, letting his hand slide over his face in continued disbelieve.

“What am I even supposed to say. I can’t just say thank you and leave it at that. Goddamnit.” He swore, looking back at the kitchen table where the smartphone was probably still sitting.

“Then you’ll have to add me on snapchat so I can always send you pictures of me, and you’ll have to reply to every single one of them~” Iwaizumi shot an annoyed look at the brightly smiling Oikawa.

“I hate you.” This made Oikawa grin even broader, which Iwaizumi played off with an eye-roll, his body following the motion to head back into the kitchen.

Oikawa hoped that Iwaizumi understood it had simply been a joke, but if given the chance he would still fill his inbox with texts and pictures like he did in his friends’ group chats. Though Iwaizumi would probably not respond much nicer than his friends did…

Oikawa followed his roommate into the kitchen, the man’s eyes alternating from looking at the smartphone and at Oikawa, who responded with an awkward smile. Gosh, what made him think this was a good idea.

“I’m gonna eat something now, you want something as well?” Oikawa asked, opening the fridge to check what was left in his personal and in their shared compartment. 

“Nah, I just had breakfast, but thank you.” Iwaizumi replied in his normal voice, which made Oikawa feel a little bit better. He looked back at him, fully expecting his roommate to be staring at him, but instead Iwaizumi was putting his SIM card into the new phone and started setting it up.

He was probably just as happy as he was awkward about it.

Maybe to Oikawa it felt a little bit like he could redeem his past actions with it. If he helped Iwaizumi out, it was one way to apologize to those children he had hurt in junior high.

“Oh, don’t forget that I’ll be visiting my parents next week.” Oikawa added, taking out some ingredients from the fridge.

“I know. Can’t wait to have all the quiet I want.” Iwaizumi said with a light voice, making Oikawa pout at him.

“Why do I even still try to be nice to you.” He grumbled, earning himself a small laugh from Iwaizumi.  
__________________

Oikawa was sitting on the train, already heading back home after a relaxing week at his parents’ place. Oh, how he had missed being fed every day without having to worry about shopping and time management. His parents had been extremely sweet, welcoming him with a big embrace and excited talking. The week had flown by fast, mainly due to Oikawa having been around a lot. He had visited his old high school to check out how his team was doing, the members greeting him with excitement and sassy talk. After practice he had taken them out to eat some snacks, inviting them to come visit him in his apartment when they were free.

He had even managed to get himself a date with a cute, black-haired girl he had already been texting with for a while. They had agreed on meeting the week after because she was already busy around the time Oikawa was in town. Luckily he didn’t live that far away so it didn’t matter that much to him. He was simply happy to finally get another shot at this dating game.

Sporadically even a message from Iwaizumi had lit up his phone notification bar. He had been testing different features of social media apps, sending Oikawa pictures of the volleyball court or a voice message that simply said “Idiot.”

It really made Oikawa miss their daily bickering, and he was happy to soon be back.

He was looking out of the window, the train station of his destination slowly coming into view. It still didn’t have a familiar flair to it, but what would he expect of a place he hadn’t even lived in for half a year. The train slowed down, and Oikawa threw is bag over his shoulders to head towards the entrance.

A gentle wind welcomed him into his hometown, and he walked past the few people that were waiting for their turn to board the train. It was a small station but it did what was expected of it. Oikawa walked up the stairs, searching his bag for his headphones. He passed some guy that was blocking his way at the top, asking himself where the hell he had put those headphones. It was like an entire new dimension had opened inside the bag.

“And you say that I’m rude.” A familiar voice hit Oikawa’s ears. His head perked up and only now he noticed that the guy who had been standing in his path had been none other than Iwaizumi.

“Iwa-chan! I didn’t expect you to be here!” Oikawa exclaimed with surprise.

“Still with that name, huh.” Iwaizumi whispered, before they greeted each other with a bro hug.

“What are you doing here?” Oikwa asked as they started to walk in the direction of their home.

“I just got back from university, when I saw that a train coming from your direction would soon stop here. I thought I could wait to see if you are on it, and hey, look at that.” Oikawa smiled, happy to have been picked up from the station, even if it had been a spontaneous coincidence. “How was your stay?”

Oikawa told him everything he had done, all the while Iwaizumi listened attentively and added comments wherever he saw fit. They decided to go shopping for some ingredients at the store Oikawa worked at as it was just on their way home. Oikawa introduced Iwaizumi to a co-worker who was standing behind the register with little enthusiasm. It was the first time Iwaizumi got to know an employee of his regular store. They were a little bit awkward, probably because those two had seen each other a lot of times over the course of Iwaizumi’s stay in this town, but they had obviously never had a proper conversation together.

When the two had left the store and had finally arrived at home, they put everything they had bought away and flopped onto the sofa. With a deep sigh Oikawa let himself melt into the fabric of the furniture, closing his eyes to relish the moment. Iwaizumi was tapping away at his new smartphone, something that Oikawa usually did when they sat together.

“There are some really helpful apps.” Iwaizumi said, not looking up from the electronic gadget in his hands.

“What kind of apps?” Oikawa asked, letting is head drop to the side with as little effort as possible.

“There is one that quite reliably counts the words you say in a phone call. You can even set a limit for a call and it will make a sound when you’re about to reach it. Or one where people put a map together with places to avoid because the employees are assholes towards our disability. There are also soundboards with common questions that help you save those words.” Iwaizumi explained, and Oikawa was surprised to hear how much was being done for this minority. It made him feel like there were still good people in this world. “I still think you are absolutely crazy, but damn if I’m not grateful for this. My mom was out of her mind when I told her, and she said she was going to pay it back to you as soon as she can afford it.”

“What a sweetheart, but really, don’t you guys worry about it. Just see it as a thank you for letting me live here.”

“You literally pay for that.” Iwaizumi sighed, obviously not understanding the train of thoughts his roommate had gone trough to make him buy this for him. That was because there were none behind it other than Oikawa’s later attempts to explain it to himself.

Iwaizumi continued to play around on his phone, the dim light of the window behind Oikawa filling the scene with a gentle hue. It was quiet except for the light tapping on the glass display. Oikawa ended up watching Iwaizumi, the man’s resting face slightly hardening from time to time when he concentrated on something, or his eyes widening a little bit before he acknowledged what he had seen with a few impressed nods.

Oikawa wasn’t really sure why this picture made him so happy.  
__________________

It had been several days since Oikawa was home again, and they quickly settled into their daily routines again. During the day he went to work while Iwaizumi went to university, and at home Oikawa usually took over the cooking as Iwaizumi was busy studying for his classes. They shared coffees together, watched movies and teased each other whenever there was just the slightest possibility for it, but sometimes they didn’t even interact for the entire day.

Needing their own private time was just something that living together did to people, but none of the two men minded. Oikawa called some of his friends so he wouldn’t bother Iwaizumi as much, who already had his fair share of social interaction at university and with Azuma. Iwaizumi appreciated that his needs were being respected. It made him feel even more comfortable around Oikawa.

But there were also times where too much went on for Oikawa, and this day was one of them.

Oikawa entered the flat with a deep, exhausted groan. He was _spent_. His shoes were left discarded without much attention as he dragged himself through the apartment, earning him a curious look from Iwaizumi who was sitting on the couch with a book and his smartphone.

“Long day?” He asked. Oikawa halted for a short moment, glancing at Iwaizumi with dead eyes and letting out a hollow laugh. “Christ, what happened to you.”

“Long day.” Oikawa eventually sighed, continuing his way into the kitchen without taking much notice of Iwaizumi’s reaction. There was nothing he wanted more badly than take a nap, but if he went to bed now he would sleep through the entire afternoon and probably the entire night as well.

Hopefully his date was going to forgive him that he was such a mess today. He had been absolutely sure that it was supposed to be tomorrow, but his phone had reminded him otherwise. Now he had to suck up the consequences.

He put his backpack on the kitchen counter, swaying a bit from side to side before snapping out of it and emptying the bag with a long, loud yawn.

“You sound like you didn’t sleep for several days.” Iwaizumi pointed out, still sitting in the living room.

“I _feel_ like I didn’t sleep for several days.” Oikawa groaned, his words muffled from the inability to make up clear sentences inside his head. He didn’t even know how he had survived work. Why had his stupid brain thought that he would be okay with pulling an all-nighter on this particular day? He really shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions at 3 A.M. while he was doing interesting things on his computer. 

Oikawa put the beer inside the fridge, the bread inside the bread bag and his soft drink on the table, when he noticed the little bag of spice they had been supposed to give out to customers as a sample. It had sounded tasty, so Oikawa had decided to take one home himself. If it was any good he could spice up his next pasta sauces with it. Apparently it was an all-rounder spice that would just kind of taste good no matter what you mixed it with.

Oikawa was muttering some words of a new song his band had introduced last evening, and he was obviously immediately trying to memorize the text as fast as he could. It wasn’t like school work was taking up his brain memory now. In the meantime he opened the bag of spice and smelled it. It was quite pungent. He curiously put a small heap onto his tongue to taste it. It was indeed spicy, but it was rounded off well enough with other spices so that it didn’t bother him too much. 

Oikawa coughed a little bit as he swallowed the spice, it probably being to dry for his throat.

“By the way, I’m gone this evening.” Oikawa called out to his roommate while taking a sip of his soda.

“Sure thing. Where are you going?” Iwaizumi asked, but Oikawa noticed in the tone of his voice that his thoughts seemed to be occupied with other things.

“A date.” He simply replied.

“Have fun.” Oikawa was a little bit disappointed that Iwaizumi didn’t react any further, but hey, he couldn’t have everything. Instead he continued singing the song in a low voice, redirecting his attention back to the kitchen. Ah yeah, he had to close-

Suddenly a coughing fit hit Oikawa. It quickly died off again, but he had been surprised by the spontaneity of it. He dismissed it with a shrug, wanting to continue what he had been doing, when another coughing wave overwhelmed him. Damn, what was wrong?

“Don’t swallow so fast you glutton.” He heard Iwaizumi point out from the living room. Oikawa wanted to reply with a growl, but immediately his throat starting acting up again.

Suddenly he wasn’t so sure anymore that everything was alright.

It felt as if thousands strands of hair wrapping around his airway were slowly constricting his throat, and a cold panic broke out inside Oikawa. He coughed again and again, and with terror he realized that it was getting harder to breathe.

Was he having an allergic reaction?

“Oikawa, are you alright?” 

He noticed a worried voice, but it was shut out by his quickening heart beat.

His phone. Where was his phone?

He grabbed his backpack with shaky hands, trying to find the little phone while attempting to block out the rising panic. When his fingers finally found it, it slipped out of their grasp several time until he was able to tear it out of the bag.

Lockscreen.

He didn’t have time for lockscreens. 

Wait. Emergency number. 

But what was the emergency number. He couldn’t remember. He couldn’t-

“Oikawa, what’s happening?” Suddenly Iwaizumi was standing behind him, worried eyes widening as he saw the expression of his roommate. Oikawa was too engrossed in his fear to realize what he looked like – Eyes widened in terror, pupils dilated, tears filled with every ounce of stress the body was able to produce.

Oikawa wanted say something, _anything_ that explained what was happening, but immediately the awful burning sensation spread through his throat again, making him cough with a dreadful whimper emerging from deep inside him. 

He needed a hospital. 

“Oikawa, please look at me. Try to breathe.” Oikawa wanted to scream at him, to please do something, but he couldn’t do anything else than look up at Iwaizumi while helplessly gasping for air, his hand gripping at his throat in the futile hope that he could rip it out.

“You are fine, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi continued. 

How the fuck was Iwaizumi thinking that Oikawa was fine? Was he even looking at him? Oikawa’s eyes were burning with despair, when Iwaizumi put his hands on Oikawa’s shoulders, looking at him with a reassuring expression and saying with a firm voice:

“Don’t worry. This is just your word limit.”

His limit?

No, he was _suffocating_ , how could this stupid Iwaizumi downplay it as something as simple as a fucking word limit?

And then Oikawa realized.

He wasn’t suffocating. 

Hearing Iwaizumi’s down-to-earth voice telling him that he was alright had made his survival mode take another look at the situation, and now he realized that he could in fact breathe.

What had cut off the air had been his panic kicking in.

“See?” Iwaizumi said with a gentle but relieved smile, looking into the dumbfounded, dazed eyes of Oikawa.

But how was this possible. Oikawa had never hit his limit before, and he had done some extreme stress tests on his own account. He tried remembering what could have made this happen.

The day before he had been on the phone with his mom and his sister for quite a long time. In the evening he had met up his band members for practice and afterwards they had gone out to drink something, when they had encountered some of Oikawa’s fangirls. He also didn’t sleep that night as he had spent it watching videos of old matches, sending life voice commentary to his friends’ chats and looking up different exercises for when he could practice again. Obviously that had hindered his word limit from being reset. This morning he had to work the early shift, which he had pretty much spent singing along to the radio as there were almost no customers, and the ones present had enjoyed his jolly voice.

Looking back he really wasn’t that surprised that his voice had decided to shut off.

“Come on, let’s sit down, you’re all shaken up.” Iwaizumi broke him out of his thoughts, gently grabbing Oikawa’s arm and leading him to the sofa without taking his eyes off him, worried that he could suddenly collapse or act up again. Oikawa didn’t really notice the sofa hitting his back, his mind engrossed with trying to understand that this was a reality that was indeed happening to him right now.

“Do you want some tea? It helps with calming the burning.” Iwaizumi asked, still standing next to Oikawa with his upper body slightly leaned towards him. Oikawa didn’t answer anything and only snapped back to reality when Iwaizumi turned to leave him.

Without thinking he grabbed the back of his shirt, an action that needed no words of explanation.

“Okay, I’ll stay.” Iwaizumi said, sitting himself next to Oikawa, who leaned back into the embrace of the pillows. “Don’t worry, you can still do sounds. Try humming, for example.”

At first Oikawa didn’t dare, his blurry vision slowly looking up from his disheveled hair to meet Iwaizumi’s dark eyes. They felt a bit like an anchor point Oikawa could hold onto. He stared at them for several moments, when he apprehensively started humming the song he had been practicing the entire morning. The vibrations felt off in his throat, like something was hindering him from achieving his full range, but it was strangely calming to realize that nothing was in fact broken.

What he didn’t expect was how relieved he felt about the aspect of actually having a word limit. In the end he wasn’t one of those people with no limit.

It was weird, but somehow it made him feel more human.

Next to him he heard the low clicking sound of a keyboard being used, and Oikawa realized that Iwaizumi had booted up his laptop. He watched his every movements, how his eyes flicked towards different parts of the screen or how his fingers flew over the keyboard with internalized practice. In the meantime Oikawa took hold of a pillow and hugged it close to him, the feeling reassuring him.

Suddenly Iwaizumi shifted closer, making the outer parts of their thighs touch for a short moment before he pushed the laptop half onto Oikawa’s lap, looking at his roommate expectantly.

Oikawa’s eyes were probably still shiny from the terrified crying, and he tried hiding most of his face behind the big pillow. With hesitant hands he reached for the laptop, turning it slightly towards himself to be able to slowly type:

> This is weird

Iwaizumi nodded, leaving Oikawa enough time to gather his thoughts.

> It’s like your entire neck cramps up and you’ll just stop  
>  breathing when you try to speak

Iwaizumi took one edge of the laptop between his fingers, shifting it back to the middle to write his respond. Instead of taking the laptop to his side he leaned towards Oikawa, their arms touching from the inevitable closeness.

Oikawa didn’t mind. In fact he had to hold back the desire to just completely let his body fall towards Iwaizumi so that the man’s warmth and nice smell could envelop Oikawa’s tired thoughts.

Had Oikawa ever noticed before how nice Iwaizumi smelled? He didn’t know why he did now, but everything that took his mind off the situation was a welcome guest.

> Try taking it easy.  
>  It’s only this bad the first time it happens.

How was Oikawa supposed to take it easy. He had only ever learned expressing himself with his words. Having his voice gone made him uncomfortable on a fundamental level. He loved toying with it, to use it as art to enchant others, and in return people loved talking to him.

It felt like his personality had been ripped away from him.

And what if his voice wouldn’t come back?

Oikawa realized that Iwaizumi probably lived with this small fear every day. The cases were incredibly rare, but there were people that suddenly stopped having their limits reset. He had never had to even imagine such a possibility, and just the thought was terrifying to him. What would he even do if that happened to him?

> Oh, what about your date?

The words entered Oikawa’s field of vision, and his heart skipped a beat. Oh no. He wanted to stand up but Iwaizumi immediately held him back.

“Wait. I’ll get your phone.” He said, leaving Oikawa for only a few seconds before returning with the small device. He handed it to Oikawa, who took a deep breath before typing in the code of his lockscreen, the combination now clear inside his head. He didn’t really know what to text the girl, so he decided to just tell the truth: That his limit had hit unexpectedly, and if they could postpone the date.

Only a few moments after he had hit send, the girl called him. Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi, not sure what to do. He opted with pushing the phone towards his roommate, looking at him with pleading eyes.

“Seriously?” Iwaizumi sighed, but he took the phone nonetheless. “Iwaizumi here, I’m Oikawa’s roommate. He’s telling the truth.”

Iwaizumi stayed quiet from then on, slightly widening his eyes until the girl suddenly hung up. It couldn’t even have been half a minute.

“I don’t like the term, but you sure dodged a bullet there.” He said with astonishment, giving the phone back to Oikawa as if the girl could contaminate him through it. Oikawa wanted to say something, and immediately his throat was being pierced by thousands little needles. He furrowed his eyebrows as Iwaizumi pushed the laptop slightly towards him.

> She seemed sweet at first, but oh well.

This earned him a long stare from Iwaizumi, one Oikawa replied to by leaning his head to the side in an asking manner. Well, now he knew why Iwaizumi did that.

The man shook his head and instead turned on the TV, probably to restore some familiar feeling inside the apartment. While Iwaizumi switched through the channels, Oikawa texted his mom about what had happened. He promised her to call tomorrow as he was sure she wanted to make sure that his beautiful voice was still intact. Finally he put his phone aside, trying to focus on the show in front on him, but his mind was always circling back to the situation around him.

He could feel Iwaizumi’s side touching his, the contact being so slight that it could have been dismissed as nothing, but still enough to make Oikawa feel like he wasn’t alone inside his thoughts. It was reassuring to have someone experienced next to him, though Oikawa doubted he would have been fine with it if it had been anyone else than Iwaizumi. Oikawa didn’t feel like he had to put up that much of an act in front of him. It was like he was starting to become a safe space to Oikawa, a feeling he didn’t really know what to think of.

His consciousness became more aware of the different places they touched, and Oikawa couldn’t help but wonder what Iwaizumi thought of this situation. Wouldn’t it feel ironically satisfying to see his pompous roommate get thrown off his high horse? Oikawa knew he would definitely feel that way. 

He slowly typed the question with one hand, not even being sure if Iwaizumi noticed that he wasn’t just dabbling on the keyboard to distract his mind. But as soon as he let his hand slide off the laptop, Iwaizumi eyed the display to check the message.

> Doesn’t it make you feel satisfied to see this happening to me?

An annoyed glare hit Oikawa from the side. The expression would have been answer enough, but Iwaizumi still typed with fast fingers:

> What the hell. Seeing you hurt isn’t fun at all.

This made Oikawa smile inside the pillow, his face hid behind it just so that his unfocused eyes could see the room in front of them. Well, Iwaizumi would always be Iwaizumi and not Oikawa, so why had he even expected a different answer. Instead Oikawa wondered:

> You aren’t talking. Are you close to your limit?

Iwaizumi didn’t make any eye contact as he typed his response:

> No, I’m just saving my words.  
>  Maybe you’ll need them. I know how much  
>  an “It’s okay” can mean.

This made Oikawa lower the pillow, watching Iwaizumi lift his eyes towards him. Oikawa felt calm as a small, friendly smile formed on Iwaizumi’s face, one he had been starting to get used to over the last months they had lived together. Strangely enough to Oikawa, it felt like it was the first time he was truly looking at Iwaizumi. He saw the short black hair that barely needed any styling in the morning, the dark eyes that could change from grim spite to a reassuring glint in a matter of seconds, and the thin lips underlining his emotions on his tanned face.

‘You’re really amazing, Iwa-chan. Why can’t you just kiss me?’

Wait.

_Wait._

Oikawa snapped his head towards the TV. What had he just thought? Had these really been his own thoughts? They couldn’t have been. Next to him he heard Iwaizumi laugh with a twinkling sound.

“Oh, I forgot the grand Oikawa isn’t used to showing some actual feelings.” He said, nudging Oikawa’s shoulder in a playful way.

And Oikawa felt a warm, fluttery twitch spread inside his stomach.

No. No it had not just done that.

_No._

This was _not_ happening.

Oikawa only had to calm down. He was being weird because this was such a new situation to him with his sudden limit and whatnot. It made his brain act weird. Apparently he must have looked quite bothered, as Iwaizumi said:

“Come on, you don’t have to be so embarrassed about this. A limit is something natural, and you’ll be able to talk again tomorrow. I promise.”

The gentle voice didn’t help Oikawa. He was still staring at the TV, not daring to look back at Iwaizumi as he didn’t want his brain to indulge any further in this irrationality.

Suddenly he heard a quiet clicking sound which made Oikawa instinctively turn towards the source. He widened his eyes in disbelief as he saw Iwaizumi with his smartphone directed towards Oikawa.

He had _not_ just taken a picture of him.

In a split second Oikawa tried ripping the phone out of Iwaizumi’s grasp, swallowing every word that had wanted to erupt out of his throat with all of his might. But Iwaizumi was stronger, quickly hiding the phone behind his back and pushing Oikawa away with only one hand and foot, a cheeky laugh filling the apartment. Goddamnit, why was Iwaizumi so goddamn strong!

And Oikawa felt weird in the first place, so this wasn’t a fair fight. He couldn’t completely focus on the task at hand as his mind always tried accessing the situation. Touching Iwaizumi didn’t feel any different than usual, or did it? For fucks sake, of course it would feel different if Oikawa was focusing on it!

Oikawa felt like he had slipped a little bit out of control, which made him end up being defeated.

He hadn’t been able to delete the picture, so now he sat back on his side of the sofa, pillow in arm and averting himself from Iwaizumi with an annoyed pout on his face. Iwaizumi snickered in response, but Oikawa tried to ignore it and concentrated on the TV.

At least he wasn’t physically able to accidentally blabber any of his confused, racing thoughts. 

From then on they were both quiet, watching stupid afternoon shows as the sleepiness hit Oikawa even more than before. His body was spent and his mind felt raw. He wasn’t able to fight back the drowsiness, and so he slowly sank deeper and deeper into the couch until the soft blanket of sleep finally enveloped him. He was only woken up by Iwaizumi softly shaking him, telling him he should go to bed as not to wake up with hurting joints. Oikawa had mumbled something incomprehensible in response, dragging himself off the sofa and immediately falling asleep after letting his body collapse onto his bed.

He didn’t know what time it was when he slowly drifted out of sleep, groaning loudly as he stretched his back and turning around to watch his bedroom ceiling. In fact he didn’t even remember going to bed, and he asked himself if everything that was slowly coming back to him had simply been a mere dream. It would make a lot of sense.

He searched for his phone but he didn’t find it in its usual spot underneath the pillow. Instead it was sitting on his table, an indication that it hadn’t been Oikawa who had put it there.

Oikawa rolled out of bet, immediately collapsing on all fours to drag his body towards the table, and he drowsily checked the time.

It was 8 AM. Oikawa must have been absolutely spent to sleep in _this_ long. He couldn’t even remember when it had been the last time he had slept 15 hours. It was probably when he had been sick with the flu.

He was wide awake now, which is why he changed out of the clothes he had been wearing since he had left work, putting on a white sweatshirt and his grey sweatpants. His discarded clothes made him remember what had occurred yesterday, and he felt anxious about trying to speak. If only that had been the only thing he remembered of yesterday.

Oikawa left his room and went to the toilet before entering the kitchen, being visibly surprised as he saw Iwaizumi already sitting at the table.

“Iwa-chan, why are you awake?” Oh. The words vibrated as light as ever inside his body, as if nothing had ever happened. Iwaizumi flinched, ripping the earbuds out of his ears. Oikawa hadn’t even noticed them up until now.

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi said and got up from his chair, but not moving any further as it felt awkward to do anything more. “Are you doing better now?”

“Feeling and looking fine as always.” Oikawa chirped, grinning brightly. A bubbling excitement crept up inside him. He would appreciate his ability to speak so much more now. Iwaizumi sighed, his posture relaxing.

“Why did I even worry?” He chuckled and walked up to the kitchen counter. Oikawa watched him from the side as he opened the cupboard to take out two mugs. Had Iwaizumi woken up early to check on Oikawa…? “You can sit down already. How do you drink your coffee in the morning?”

“Uhm.” Oikawa was taken by surprise and fumbled a little bit with his next words. “A teaspoon of sugar and a small sip of milk.”

“Gotcha.” Iwaizumi took out the box of instant coffee as Oikawa slowly sat down. This time he lowered his head into his crossed arms that were resting on the table, side-eyeing Iwaizumi’s back. He was wearing his usual black tank top and dark sweatpants, which looked as good on him as they did on the first day. Oikawa noticed the movement of his arms, following them to see how his hand gently took a spoon, his face coming slightly into view as he looked at the different objects on the counter.

Oikawa really had to stop overreacting. He was just very grateful for what Iwaizumi had done and that was the reason his mind was suddenly starting to consider that he might be falling for him. It was probably his subconscious screaming at him that he hasn’t had a partner in quite a while. Maybe he was simply lonely without really knowing it. Iwaizumi had been the person that was around him the most, so it wasn’t actually a far stretch to think that he would become the first person of interest.

Oikawa flinched when Iwaizumi turned, only now realizing that he had been staring at him the entire time. Iwaizumi set down the cup of coffee next to him, apparently not having taken notice.

“By the way, Azuma is coming over soon so we can hang out a little bit before my afternoon classes.”

Oh, so Iwaizumi hadn’t gotten up early because of Oikawa. Well, nothing he could do about that. There was no reason to feel bummed out about that.

“Sure thing.” Oikawa simply replied, taking a sip of his coffee and being happy that is was exactly the way he liked it.

They had enough time to finish their coffee and for Iwaizumi to get changed before Azuma ringed the door. Oikawa decided to greet him with his usual overly bright welcome before retracting back into his room to read in peace. He could hear incomprehensible whisper outside his bedroom door, and he had to admit that he was a little bit curious of what they were talking about. The last time Azuma had been over Oikawa had been way too glad to interrupt them.

He quietly got up, carefully opening the door to form a small gap and listened. At first they were talking about Iwaizumi’s university, when Azuma suddenly hesitated.

“Hajime, am I acting too jealous again?” Oikawa had to strain his hearing to be able to understand the words.

“In this case I actually don’t think so. I mean it’s not every day that you get a smartphone.” Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows. As soon as they would earn money they would get why he had done it. “Don’t worry, he really has no ulterior motives. Just look at him.”

And what was _that_ supposed to mean, though it was correct that there was no meaning behind it. He could hear Azuma’s relieved laugh.

“I just wish I could have been the one to give it to you. But okay. Please tell me again when I’m acting too over the top. Gosh, I really messed up the first time I was here.” At least Azuma was aware of it, and it made Oikawa feel calmer about their relationship.

“It’s fine. You’re the best, okay? I know that it’s not that you don’t trust me, but that you don’t trust yourself to be good enough for me.”

Oikawa gently closed the door again, letting himself fall onto the bed to continue reading the book. It was none of his business what Azuma had for issues. Iwaizumi could handle it himself without Oikawa prying on them.

After a while Iwaizumi knocked on the door of Oikawa’s bedroom, letting him know that they were heading out now. He wished them a good time and was left alone. He didn’t have any shifts today, so he spent his free time by taking a nice walk around the neighborhood, doing the exercises for strengthening his knee and making himself a nice lunch with the dreaded spice. 

He didn’t forget to call his mom, and she was extremely relieved to hear her son talk after the message she had received. They discussed the experience, his mother cursing herself that she hadn’t been able to be there for him when it had happened. She would think of a way to thank Iwaizumi for helping Oikawa, saying that he really sounded like a nice man. Oikawa agreed. They continued talking about different topics until they hung up, Oikawa then spending his time with some video games until Iwaizumi returned in the evening.

“Welcome back, Iwa-chan~” Oikawa sang, not looking away from his avatar on the TV screen. Iwaizumi didn’t reply anything, and Oikawa immediately understood that he had probably hit his limit. Behind him he heard the quiet steps of the man, and as they were passing by the couch a strong hand ruffled through Oikawa’s fluffy hair before leaving him again.

With a pout Oikawa looked up at Iwaizumi, but he had already walked past him, right towards the kitchen. Oikawa shrugged and concentrated on the video game. The level grinding always put him in some kind of trance, and it was extremely relaxing. Usually he wouldn’t even realize how much time had passed. He heard the bathroom door open, and with a quick glance he noticed Iwaizumi entering it. His roommate was probably going to take a shower.

Oikawa continued grinding, listening to the nice soundtrack that would never get boring to him. He smiled when his character reached a level up. There were only two more to go until he was at an adequate level to try his hands on the boss that had kicked his ass before. Oh, he was going to hit it until it broke.

He barely noticed the bathroom door opening again, the motion in the corner of his eyes diverting his attention from the video game for only a short moment. With a quick glance he looked at Iwaizumi, and just as his eyes flicked back they did a double-take.

Iwaizumi had come out of the bathroom with only his boxershorts on. There was nothing wrong with it per se. They were roommates and friends, so why shouldn’t he do that. Back in Oikawa’s volleyball days the teammates would see each other naked and that had been no big deal to anyone.

Maybe it frustrated Oikawa because it made him realize that Iwaizumi was quite ripped, which of course was due to his regular volleyball practice. Oikawa had still not been able to work out, and he couldn’t deny the changes he was seeing in the mirror. In comparison Iwaizumi’s chest looked much more toned and desirable.

Oikawa hadn’t noticed that he had been staring until Iwaizumi made eye contact with him, watching him curiously. He panicked inside and simply waved at Iwaizumi, a gesture the half-naked man repeated with a confused look on his face. As nonchalantly as Oikawa could he turned towards the TV screen again, hoping that Iwaizumi didn’t think he was weird.

He could hear Iwaizumi shuffle towards his room, and of course Oikawa couldn’t hold back a comment just as Iwaizumi was right behind the couch.

“Being half naked doesn’t make you prettier, you know.”

The footsteps stopped and Oikawa immediately dodged sideward, his back hitting the couch with his arms crossed in front of his face to deflect any incoming attacks. His instinct had been correct as Iwaizumi was leaning over the couch with annoyed, half-lidded eyes, one hand gripping the back of the furniture.

What Oikawa hadn’t calculated was that maybe this wasn’t the best situation to be in right now. He had to force himself not to look down on Iwaizumi, his upper body now fully presented in the bright light of the TV, making the shadows on him look much sharper than they usually would. The worst part was that Iwaizumi’s face didn’t make it any better as for some reason Oikawa thought that this scowling expression was somehow _very attractive._

‘Shht, shht, you are just realizing that you are quite gay. Any gay person would react like this.’

Iwaizumi continued holding the stare for only a few more seconds before he headed into his room with a scoff. It took a moment for Oikawa to sit upright again, watching Iwaizumi’s door before slowly turning to his video game again, hoping that this feeling would soon subside. 

He really needed a partner again.

When Iwaizumi emerged from his room again he shoved a note onto Oikawa’s head, it asking what they should eat for dinner. Oikawa decided to make the same pasta he had for lunch, and Iwaizumi complimented him by writing that it was indeed very tasty. They spend the rest of the evening apart, Oikawa continuing playing his video game until he was tired enough to hit the bed. The next day he had the afternoon shift at work, so it didn’t matter that it was already midnight.

Even though Oikawa usually had troubles falling asleep, this night being no exception, something was still off. His thoughts were circling around everything that had happened in these two days. He had gotten over the initial shock of hitting his limit, calming himself with the knowledge that it needed some extreme circumstances for it to happen again. The incident would make him grow as a person, he was sure of that. It was the other thing that was bothering him.

His sudden heightened awareness of Iwaizumi.

He was still sure that he was simply focusing on him because of those initial thoughts he had after hitting his limits. After all he liked Iwaizumi as his good friend and roommate, and that was all there was to it.

But his brain still didn’t stop after that conclusion. It was forcing the images of Iwaizumi happily laughing in front of his rationality. The way he smiled when he had a relaxing conversation with Oikawa, the way he squinted when Oikawa teased him, the way they had casual physical contact when they were bickering with each other.

“Shut uuuuup.” Oikawa groaned, smashing his hands against his eyes. He was already lying inside his dark bedroom, so it didn’t change anything about the blackness around him. They were friends and Oikawa appreciated Iwaizumi, but his mind was trying to push another idea inside his head, one that he was absolutely sure wasn’t true.

He let his arms drop down next to him, sprawled out so that one of his hands was loosely hanging over the edge of the bed. There was one way he could shut his brain up. He could try imagining being closer to Iwaizumi. What _if_ they were together, and how Oikawa would feel about it. The imagination wouldn’t hurt anyone, and Oikawa knew that this was a test that would either settle it or destroy everything he had built over the last months.

So he closed his eyes, but his subconscious was trying to block out any of the mental images he tried to summon. Oikawa told himself that this was just a test and not a definitive assessment of the situation, and tried again. He swallowed before breathing out, letting his imagination take over his senses that were already completely cut off from reality by the quiet of the dark room.

The images became clearer. Oikawa saw himself in first person, holding hands with Iwaizumi on the couch. So far so good. It was a pleasant feeling, but holding hands was almost never a bad thing. The gesture was reassuring and grounding, something that friends could do. He tried taking it a step further, making his imaginary self lean into Iwaizumi’s body, the man’s warm arms enveloping his tired self. The thought made an involuntary smile twitch on Oikawa’s lips, but again, this was something that close friends were allowed to do. Physical touch was something almost everyone craved, and satisfying this need with friends was nothing forbidden. 

There was something that only couples did.

Oikawa hesitated at the thought. He made himself gaze up at Iwaizumi who followed his stare, letting the pair of eyes meet each other. Iwaizumi had his usual look, lips slightly slanted in an adorable way and dark eyes attentively fixated on what was important to him. His expression slowly changed, his gaze becoming tender the longer he looked at Oikawa, a small smile forming on his face. A hand appeared in the corner of Oikawa’s vision, it gently touching the side of his head as if any unnecessary movement could break the fondness it was trying to convey. It found its desired place at the back of Oikawa’s hair, and it started to gently but firmly bring the face closer to Iwaizumi, both of them closing their eyes as Oikawa leaned forward-

The real Oikawa slowly opened his eyes, watching the ceiling without seeing it, with only the static black filling his vision while the hot twitch inside his stomach slowly ebbed away.

“Fuck.”


	6. Chapter 6

Now what the hell did one do in this kind of situation.

Crushing on your roommate was a complete no go, no matter at what angle you looked at it. It was even worse than dating a classmate. To some the thought of already living together with the person you desired could be interpreted as romantic; Being able to see your chosen one every day while they were doing mundane things, and always having them around whenever you wanted to be closer to them. But reality wasn’t as kind. It was like sitting on a ticking bomb, the timer being connected to the obliviousness of your crush.

So Oikawa opted for the easiest way: He ignored it.

He had always been good at letting his emotions take a back seat, so this was nothing out of the ordinary. It was simply a new situation he had to get a grasp on, but in the end nothing had to change. Oikawa was going to hunt down a new girlfriend or boyfriend and then everything would be okay.

He just had to act normal.

These were his thoughts as he was jogging to a university gym. Iwaizumi would kill him if he found out that Oikawa had strained his knee, but he wasn’t going to. He was in the middle of a match against that university’s volleyball team, and there was no way Oikawa was going to miss it.

Oikawa had wanted to see the entirety of it, but of course he had been given a shift at work that was overlapping with the start of the match. No one had been able to fill in for him, so the only option had been to run there after work. At least he was going to see who would win.

He entered the front entrance with ragged breath, his right knee burning hot from the undesired movement. Though it sounded bad, it was already better than it had been a few months ago. Oikawa felt that his leg was finally starting to function again. But now was not the time for his injury, it was the time for finding the stairs up to the spectator seats. He quickly unraveled the scarf around his neck as he walked through the hall, hearing the shouts of adult men inside the gym. His surroundings were lit with a cold light, the squeaking steps of his shoes overpowering every other sound. 

He finally found the stairway and walked up taking two steps at a time. When he entered the door to the hall it was like another dimension had opened up in front of him. The gym lights reflected on the lightly colored court, immersing the massive room in a warm atmosphere. Shouting traveled up from the playing field towards the attentive spectators, some sitting and others standing in the front. The air smelt stuffed from the heat and breath of the players and watchers alike.

Oikawa quickly walked next to the rail, his eyes already fixated on the field below him. The men were moving with strong strides and crunched up faces from concentration, but Oikawa barely noticed them. His mind didn’t settle down to analyze the match until it had finally found Iwaizumi standing outside the playing field, waiting for his turn to jump into the heat of the game when he was going to be switched out again.

Oikawa involuntarily smiled when he saw his roommate, waving his scarf in the air to catch his attention.

“YAHOU, IWA-CHAN~” He shouted with his usual bright voice, earning himself some stares from the other spectators, but he couldn’t care less. The person who was supposed to notice had heard his voice, and even though Oikawa couldn’t really see Iwaizumi’s facial expression from this distance, he was sure that he was glad that Oikawa had made it.

Somehow it reminded Oikawa of the time when Akira had come to watch his match so many years ago. Their roles had been reversed back then, but the air of similarity still stirred up Oikawa’s nostalgia.

Iwaizumi’s team scored, and the man jogged onto the court. Oikawa thought he had seen him glance up at him, but he wasn’t too sure. From then on he didn’t care anymore as he was attentively watching the match unfold. They were on their second set, the first set having gone to Iwaizumi’s team. This set seemed to be much less in their favor: They were already five points behind.

It definitely couldn’t have been Iwaizumi’s fault as he was giving 120% today. Even though the sweat was dripping down his face he was jumping reliably, and much to Oikawa’s surprise he turned out to be quite good at receives as well. It hadn’t shown as much when they had practiced together with Sugawara. He still shined the most when he spiked the ball, and a cry of satisfaction roared through the hall when it managed to hit the other team’s court.

“That number nine sure is suddenly playing a lot better.” One of the spectators said next to Oikawa. He looked up with surprise, the other man glancing at him as if the statement had been intended for him. Oikawa then realized that Iwaizumi was player number nine.

“Why, how did he play before?” He asked curiously.

“In the first set he had started out quite strong, but his performance just dropped after a few solid plays. Made me wonder what had happened. You his support buddy?” Oikawa smiled politely, trying to calm down the overwhelming happiness rising up inside him.

“I’m his friend, so I guess!” He replied, concentrating on the game again, his cheeks tingling with excitement at the thought of having been a morale boost to Iwaizumi. This wasn’t okay, but he could let this feelings do some damage when Iwaizumi wasn’t looking.

Watching the game made Oikawa realize how much he missed being on the court. His hands were gripping the rails whenever an intense play happened in front of his eyes, his mind wanting to jump right between the players to take control of the flow. It made him sure of just another thing he had known forever: There was no way this injury was going to be the end of his volleyball career. Oikawa wasn’t going to stop; He was only going to come back stronger.

The second set went to Iwaizumi’s team, making every spectator applaud for their ability to turn around the game. The winners hoarded up on each other, celebrating their win with high fives and hugs. After the two opponents shook hands, they proceeded with grabbing their things, taking some good gulps of water and leaving for the outside. The court would be cleaned by some voluntary helpers. Oikawa immediately darted downstairs, wanting to congratulate Iwaizumi on his win and amazing play.

Just as he jumped off the last step the gym door opened, filling the hall with the talk and laugh of the team.

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa immediately called out, skipping towards the sweat-drenched Iwaizumi who looked up at him with delighted surprise. He would have hugged him if he hadn’t been so sweaty, something that only irked him when his own body wasn’t wet from head to toe as well.

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi replied, walking up to him. Oikawa gave him a high five, a motion that Iwaizumi underlined with a victorious _“Yus!”_

“Congratulations on the win! You played amazingly!” Oikawa complimented him, and a big grin spread over Iwaizumi’s face. Oikawa had never seen him grin so proudly, and he felt happy just by looking at him.

“Thanks for coming, man.” One of Iwaizumi’s teammates called to Oikawa from the back. “Iwaizumi sure wasn’t on top of his game before you showed up.” Iwaizumi turned around to his teammate, mouth slightly agape for shouting back an answer, but in the end he simple averted his eyes.

Aww, was he embarrassed?

“Hehe, it’s like I am your charm or something!” Oikawa said, putting his hands on his hip in a proud stance. If he wasn’t able to play himself he could at least be the best support. “I wish I could have been here before the match had started. I could have told you the quote I live by: ‘If you’re going to hit it, hit it until it breaks.’” 

“Jeez, I wouldn’t want to get on your bad side. How awful of you.” Iwaizumi replied, his eyebrows furrowing in their usual manner, but Oikawa simply snickered mischievously.

“You sure were correct about him.” Another teammate with short, black hair said, standing next to Iwaizumi and looking at Oikawa with a relaxed posture. “So, you’re Oikawa Tooru. I heard a lot about you back in the days.”

The man turned out to be the captain of the team. They started talking about Oikawa’s past successes and what he was planning on doing in the future as there hadn’t been any recent news of him. The conversation shifted towards volleyball in general, the captain and ex-captain talking about their experience of leading a team and what was happening in the world of volleyball.

The rest of team had already headed into the showers, emerging from them with fresh clothes while the captain was still rambling on with Oikawa. Only when he noticed his men leaving the changing room, he gave Oikawa a quick goodbye and rushed to the showers himself. It was a captain’s proud duty to head out with the team after a match, so he had to hurry to not let his team wait too long.

In the meantime Oikawa caught sight of Iwaizumi again, who immediately approached him.

“You sure hit it off well with Captain.” He said, brushing through his damp hair that was lying flatter against his scalp than usual.

“He had some interesting things to talk about.” Oikawa said, catching a glimpse of Iwaizumi’s teammates. It was interesting to see the environment he spent so much time in. There were chirpy ones, relaxed ones, kind and quiet ones, and the hot-headed guy that seemed to exist in just every sports group. 

“Only when you talk about volleyball. Jeez, I tell you, it’s impossible to hold any other conversation.” Iwaizumi sighed. Oikawa liked people who were passionate about their hobbies, but everyone could push it to an extreme.

“Didn’t Azuma come?” Oikawa asked the thing he had been curious about ever since he had left the gym hall. Considering Azuma’s personality it seemed weird that he was missing out on Iwaizumi’s game.

“Oh, yeah...” Iwaizumi said with a tone that filled Oikawa with the urge to protect the man in front of him. Only the knowledge that he wasn’t supposed to feel this strong about the situation made him suppress the emotion. “He was supposed to be here, but he is stuck at university with an important assignment he needs to finish today. I only saw the message after the match though. I guess I was bad at hiding that I was a down because he didn’t show up, but hey. When I saw you I knew I had to give my best. I wouldn’t see the end of it if I lost a match while you are watching.”

“Come on, I’m not _that_ awful!” Oikawa said with a pout, but deep down he knew that Iwaizumi was right. He wouldn’t have let an obvious bad play go, but with the small difference that he actually cared about what was throwing him off.

The door to the showers swung open as the team captain jogged outside, clearly out of breath. At this rate he would be sweating again in no time.

“I’m here, I’m here! We can go, coach is already waiting at the bar next door.” He said raggedly, and Iwaizumi’s teammates started heading for the front door of the gym. 

“I’ll be heading home then, have fun celebrating!” Oikawa said with bright voice.

“I’m sure you can join us if you want to, you are no stranger to the volleyball world. And in some way you helped us win, didn’t you?” Iwaizumi added, a gesture Oikawa appreciated.

“Nah, that wouldn’t be right. We can have a celebration beer as soon as you come home, though.” Iwaizumi smirked and nodded.

“Then see you later. Thanks again for coming.” He said as one of Iwaizumi’s teammates called after him, making him hurry to catch up. Iwaizumi called back and walked to the door, but not before waving at Oikawa as he left the gym. Oikawa waved back while a gentle smile he hadn’t even noticed before was resting on his face. He felt happy to know that Iwaizumi had wanted him to join them, but these occasions were best when they were club-exclusive.

Instead he headed home, walking slowly along the paved street. He tried to kill off the emerging thoughts of why Iwaizumi had wanted him to join the celebration. Maybe he had wanted to be closer to him, maybe he had wanted to spend more time with him, or maybe-

He analyzed the match again, letting it play before his inner eye as he tried to let things stay the way they were supposed to be.  
__________________

Oikawa sighed as he closed his eyes, leaning himself against the cash register desk. It was another boring morning shift. After the early rush hour of people who needed their injection of caffeine to survive work, no one got lost in the shop except a few old people. Oikawa didn’t mind helping them as there was usually nothing else to do, and they had many pointless questions to ask. 

But it was still boring, and so he sang along the songs on the radio. A little fear flared up inside his heart as it reminded him of the time he had hit his limit because he hadn’t been careful with his words. He knew that it wouldn’t happen on a normal day, but the apprehension had still manifested inside his body. He wondered how people with a low limit dealt with this feeling every single day.

The entrance door bell rang, and Oikawa’s head immediately perked up. 'Iwa-chan?'

It was the nice old lady who lived next to the shop. She shot a beautiful smile at Oikawa, slowly walking into one of the aisles and disappearing from Oikawa’s view. Oikawa had smiled back, but in the back of his mind he was clenching the edge of the desk in front of him.

Why. Why. Why.

It wasn’t the first time this had happened lately. 

Only because Iwaizumi exceptionally didn’t have any classes that day didn’t mean he would come _visit_ Oikawa at the shop, and even less so in the _morning_. But some irrational part inside Oikawa always yearned for that small possibility. 

Goddamnit, it hadn’t even been that long since he had realized his crush on Iwaizumi, so why was it getting this bad already? Everything had been fine before. Of course he had started to notice the little things he had done and thought in the past that had been indications for the impending moment of realization. But how could one small realization make his mind go this havoc? Oikawa wasn’t used to this.

Maybe he should have denied it longer. It had worked quite well with Akira.

“My, my, young man, if only I were 50 years younger, I’d have swept you off your shoes!” The lady suddenly said, snapping Oikawa out of his thoughts. Immediately he put on his customer smile, laughing politely at her remark.

“If only time travel existed, am I right? I’m sure my beauty would have paled before yours.” The old woman laughed flattered, putting her groceries onto the countertop for Oikawa to scan.

Somehow Oikawa managed to get through his shift, and when he finally entered the door to his apartment he could hear quiet shuffling coming from Iwaizumi’s room. As Oikawa walked past he knocked at Iwaizumi’s door, saying: “Seriously? People are working here and you dare to sleep until now?”

Oikawa had already headed into the kitchen and was heating up his lunch, which consisted of yesterday’s leftovers, when Iwaizumi slowly emerged from his room, looking like he had slept 3 hours instead of 12.

“I work too, but for university.” He murmured as he settled himself next to Oikawa, taking out a mug to prepare his much needed coffee.

“Wow, you got the reaction time of roadkill.” Oikawa teased, but Iwaizumi only grunted in response. Yes, yes, don’t talk to a university student before they had their coffee. “I hope you’re awake enough for cleaning.”

Iwaizumi closed his eyes, rubbing his thumb and middle finger against his temples.

“Was that today? What day is it even?” He grumbled.

“It’s Monday, and some of my old volleyball club members are coming over later.” Oikawa reminded him, and Iwaizumi nodded slowly, like his mind was trying to catch up to the present with every single nod. Gosh, how deep did this dude sleep to make him this useless after waking up?

“Just gimme a minute.” Iwaizumi said as he let out a big yawn. They ate their meals separately before tackling some of their weekly chores. Iwaizumi had finally gotten out of his drowsy stupor and was more or less attentive at the task at hand. Oikawa cleaned the bathroom while Iwaizumi vacuumed the flat, only leaving out Oikawa’s room. They had agreed on not invading each other’s privacy by entering the other’s room for cleaning purposes.

From time to time Oikawa glanced out of the bathroom only to have his eyes meet Iwaizumi’s watching him curiously. Every time it gave him a little start which made him go back to his work, but the more it happened, the more he would look up to make sure he wasn’t seeing things.

What was happening?

It made him nervous to know that someone was watching him, considering who it was, and so Oikawa got up and leaned himself against the door frame. This time it took Iwaizumi a moment to realize that Oikawa was waiting for him. He turned off the vacuum cleaner and looked at Oikawa with asking eyes.

“Is something up?” Oikawa asked, and the way Iwaizumi shook his head irritated him a bit. “You were looking at me. Did you want to tell me something?”

“Oh, that’s what you mean. I’m just…I just wanted to ask if everything’s okay?” This took Oikawa by surprise, and he curiously perched his eyebrow.

“Yes, why? Cleaning is boring, but that’s okay.”

“You are acting a bit off lately.” Oikawa’s insides froze, but he tried not to let Iwaizumi notice. What did he mean by that? “I just wanted to tell you that if it is because of the phone situation, you don’t have to worry. It was weird for me at first, but I think that I’m really getting where you’re coming from now, and I’m incredibly thankful for it. I don’t think it’s an exaggeration to say that it has changed my life.”

Oikawa would have sighed in relief if he hadn’t still felt so tense. Because what Iwaizumi said meant that Oikawa hadn’t been able to maintain an air of normality around him.

“Oh, thank you for telling me, I’m glad the smartphone is useful to you! It’s not that though, maybe I’m just tired from work. So don’t read too much into it, okay?” Iwaizumi nodded, but Oikawa wasn’t sure if he actually believed what Oikawa had said. He simply had to try harder to appear normal.

They finished up cleaning, and the evening arrived in the blink of an eye. Kindachi and Kunimi arrived right on time like the good, respectful lower-class men they were, and Matsukawa and Hanamaki burst into the room half an hour late, throwing a half-assed excuse at Oikawa.

Iwaizumi only showed up to let himself be introduced to Oikawa’s friends before spending the rest of the evening inside his room. A group of people would obviously not be his forte. Oikawa could imagine that having his kind of word limit also limited the joy of long group discussions with people who didn’t know any sign language. Maybe he was wrong and Iwaizumi simply wanted a quiet evening to himself.

The others weren’t bothered by it, and so they baked pizza, watched a movie and played video games to enjoy their small get-together. They all had even brought their old Aoba Josai jackets, and Oikawa excitedly threw on his own to match the colors of his friends. A wave of nostalgia washed over them, and they teased and laughed with each other until Oikawa told them to be a bit quieter to not bother the other people in the apartment complex, which ended up with more teasing as to how adult Oikawa had become.

When Oikawa later admitted that he was on a forced sick leave from volleyball, he got a choir of scolding sighs as response, none of them surprised that it had come to that. Apparently Matsukawa and Hanamaki even had a bet going on during their volleyball days, guessing when Oikawa was going to get in trouble for his knee. None of them had won as they had both bet on earlier.

After a nice evening they decided to call it a day, promising each other that they would soon organize a bigger meet-up with all the members of last year’s team. Oikawa wished them a good rest of the evening and watch them head out the entrance door of the building. When they were out of sight Oikawa returned upstairs.

Only when he closed the door behind him he halted to take a shallow breath. The apartment was dark and quiet, filled only with the gentle shine of the small lamp in the living room. Oikawa didn’t want to move, looking down at his own body to see the white-blue jacket almost light up in the contrast of his surroundings.

Oikawa felt the familiar emptiness manifest inside the core of his body, and he shuffled towards his room. He quietly closed the door before letting himself fall onto the bed face-first. For a while he simply stayed there, bathing in the memories of the fun conversations he just had with his old teammates.

He rolled onto his side, his arms resting right next to him. His vision was filled with the white fabric of the sleeves, and without really thinking he slipped his hands deeper inside them to absentmindedly play with the seam. He knew this texture so well, and the thought of all the memories attached to this simple piece of clothing was still overwhelming to him. It had gotten better over the last few months, but tonight had stirred everything up again.

He realized he was crying when he pressed the fabric against his face, not knowing how to process this hopeless longing. Even if he was going to be in another volleyball group, it was never going to be this group again. This exact type of chemistry was never going to happen again, and Oikawa felt lost with grief. His parents hadn’t understood why he had been so incredibly attached to his team, and so he had never let them know how much this separation had pained him.

Maybe they hadn’t realized that it had been the first time he had experienced the feeling of true belonging in a group. And now he was here, trying to find the same sense of belonging in his band, living with a person he hadn’t even known for half a year and already crushing on them, working a job he didn’t really enjoy and not knowing if his future was going to turn out the way he wanted it to because of one fucking knee.

He had never felt this vulnerable in his entire life.

Small sobs escaped his mouth as he hugged his blanket in an attempt to force these unwanted emotions out of his body. Maybe he should have immediately started university. So many things would have gone differently if he had, but he still couldn’t shake the feeling that it would have been the wrong decision. The one thing he knew is that he could trust his sense of judgment, and he would never in his life try to stray from it. So why wasn’t he happy?

A gentle knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. He quickly rubbed the tears out of his eyes with the back of his sleeve, looking at the door and trying to say as stable as possible: 

“Yes?”

“Can I come in?” Iwaizumi’s muffled voice emerged from behind the wooden door. Oikawa panicked, but saying no would be much more suspicious. What if Iwaizumi came to the wrong conclusion that Oikawa was jacking off?

“Yes.” The door gently swung open, and Oikawa tried to not have his face be illuminated by the light streaming into his room. He could only make out the silhouette of Iwaizumi, and he saw that he was holding something in his hands. “What is it?”

“You aren’t feeling good, am I right?” Oikawa stiffened up. He was supposed to be the observant one.

“I’m feeling fine, don’t worry.” Oikawa lied.

“I won’t butt into your business, but I know just too well how it feels to meet your teammates after graduation. I think we’re quite similar when it comes to that. I…I’ll just leave this on the table.” Oikawa heard Iwaizumi enter his room, and a quiet clack made his curiosity perk up. Before he could say anything Iwaizumi was already at the door again. “I’m just next door if you need to talk, but no pressure.”

“Thanks…” Oikawa said, not really processing what was happening. The door closed again, leaving him alone in his dark bedroom. After a few moments he grabbed the remote on his bedside to turn on the dimmed ceiling light. A mug was standing on the small table, and Oikawa slowly approached it. He gently took it into his hands and sniffed at it, only to be met with a subtle chocolate smell.

Iwaizumi had made him a hot chocolate to cheer him up.

Oikawa sipped the beverage while leaning against his bed, feeling again a little bit more at home in this apartment.  
__________________

The visit of the old team members had been several days ago and Oikawa was starting to feel normal again. In the end he hadn’t talked with Iwaizumi about what had gone through his head that night, but he thanked him for trying to cheer him up. Iwaizumi in turn had replied that that’s just what friends did.

The weekend was upon them and Oikawa realized again how quickly time passed when you didn’t have any assignments due or tournaments to prepare for. It was a threatening feeling of adulthood approaching.

But it wasn’t like Oikawa didn’t have anything to do: This weekend Azuma was coming over with his little sister in tow. It had been quite a while since Oikawa had spent some time with a girl, so he was actually looking forward to it. Maybe she would turn out to be incredibly great? He needed anything to take his mind off Iwaizumi, even if it literally was the sister of said person’s boyfriend.

And so the door bell rang, the siblings entering the apartment with different approaches. Azuma immediately targeted Iwaizumi and embraced him with an excited hug while his sister awkwardly stepped into the flat and let her eyes wander around the unknown apartment. Oikawa slipped out of the kitchen just as the little sister had taken off her shoes, and as soon as she realized his presence she stiffened up in amazement.

“Ah, hello Oikawa!” Azuma greeted him, his body language becoming more secure with each time he visited Iwaizumi at his apartment. Apparently he started to realize that Oikawa was no threat to him. “This is my little sister, Airi. She’ll graduate next year.”

“Hello, Oikawa!” Airi nervously said as she walked up next to her brother. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes with Azuma’s arm still draped over his shoulder.

“What a beautiful name, Airi. Nice to meet you!” Oikawa said politely, and the small girl grinned excitedly. She had her dark hair tied up in a high ponytail, a white lace keeping the style together. Her brown eyes were big and warm, just like her brother’s, and generally she seemed like an adorable person. The black skirt she was wearing was more modest than those of a lot of girls who had approached Oikawa in the past, and the cute bottom up with a black bow around her neck flattered her. Oikawa was curious to get to know her. 

Apparently Azuma noticed Oikawa’s interest and patted his little sister on the head, earning him a viscous glare.

“Well, we’ll go into Iwaizumi’s room if you two don’t mind.” Azuma said, looking at Iwaizumi who nodded. Oikawa had agreed on spending some alone time with Airi, something not every brother would allow his sister. 

So they ended up in Oikawa’s room, sitting in front of his MacBook, listening to music and passing back and forth the volleyball that usually rested on Oikawa’s bed. It was relaxing and the motion helped with not letting the atmosphere drop into awkwardness. The way it looked Airi was absolutely overwhelmed by spending some time alone with one of her idols.

“So, you’re graduating soon? Are you in any clubs?” Oikawa asked, and Airi nodded.

“Yes. I’m in the arts club, but sometimes I enjoy playing volleyball with my friends. Seeing you play really inspired me to take up the sport.” She said, a little bit embarrassed about admitting his influence in her life.

“That’s amazing! I love it when girls know their way around volleyball.” This made her giggle as she passed back the ball.

“I don’t know too much, but I’m working on it! Maybe I could even try to join the team when I enter university.”

“I can show you some useful videos if you want to.” Oikawa proposed, and Airi nodded enthusiastically. He couldn’t shake the feeling that she didn’t actually know anything about volleyball and was just trying to impress him. The usual routine.

“So, what kind of art do you do?” He asked while searching for a video that explained the pros and cons of different rotations in volleyball.

“Mostly digital art. I try doing commissions but I’m not really known yet.” She said humbly, but Oikawa was still impressed. He didn’t know much of the art world, but from what he’s gathered it’s an incredibly tough business.

“Damn, that means you aren’t just incredibly pretty, but you are talented as well? You’ll have a great future ahead of you.” Oikawa flattered, and this time Airi blushed. She pushed her hair gently behind her ear, looking down at her crossed legs. 

“You don’t have to be this nice to me.” She said while laughing awkwardly, probably wanting to downplay herself. 

“How could I not be nice to a cute and gentle girl like you?” She averted her face, not wanting to show off her reaction to the compliment.

“Ah, come on. Someone handsome as you wouldn’t think someone like me as pretty.”

“But I just did, didn’t I?” Oikawa said, grinning at her in a flirtatious way that made her eyes flick back and forth. It was his usual game but for some reason it was bothering him this time around. “So tell me, what are your hobbies?”

“Oh! Uhm, I like riding my bicycle, going out with my friends, doing art, reading…yeah!” She said as her eyes lit up, happy that Oikawa was taking an interest in her. No volleyball this time around.

But didn’t she realize he was like this to every girl? He knew what made them happy, and so far not a single one had not taken the bait. Didn’t she want to know other things of him? To get to know him as a person?

Why was she merely using him to push her own ego?

Suddenly Oikawa got angry at Airi, but he immediately tried to calm himself down. No. He had to appreciate the people who liked him. They loved him for what he showed them, and in turn he delivered what was expected of him. It was a lighthearted play he enjoyed, a nice change from the daily troubles of life. He had no right to be angry at this innocent girl.

“Oh, the video’s loaded!” Airi said, and Oikawa started the video. They both sat there as the commentator explained the basics of rotations. The volleyball was lying in Oikawa’s crossed legs as he attentively listened to the voice. Rewatching the basics was always good. Many times advanced players forgot some of the easy things that could be done, and Oikawa didn’t want to be one of them.

From the corner of his eyes he noticed Airi always glancing at him, not really paying attention to the computer in front of them. Oikawa could only imagine how much more fun it would be to watch these videos with Iwaizumi. Maybe he would even lean towards him, confusing Iwaizumi while doing so. How nerve-wracking a quick exchange of glances would have been, unsure of what the other person was feeling. The tension between two people who were in that weird stage where they weren’t quite friends but they weren’t a couple. How he wished he could experience that with Iwaizumi.

And the guy in the room next to him was doing exactly that.

Oikawa snapped back to reality, meeting Airi’s eyes as she snuck another glance at him, embarrassed when she noticed that she had been caught.

“Want to watch another video?” Oikawa asked, and Airi smiled shyly.

“Maybe, I don’t understand too much of this one.” Oikawa smiled politely, and they ended up watching funny cat videos.

After a while they heard a knock on the door. It was Azuma and Iwaizumi who had gone out to buy some cookies to eat with coffee, and so they all settled into the living room to chat with each other over some drinks. Airi was sitting as close to Oikawa as Iwaizumi was to Azuma.

It was when Azuma threw a balled up piece of paper at his sister that the situation changed. Apparently she was someone who stuck up for herself, and she threw her body at her brother to stuff the piece of paper inside his nose. Iwaizumi and Oikawa laughed at the display, much to Azuma’s dismay. 

“Aren’t they cute together. I love seeing them bicker like this.” Iwaizumi said while Azuma tried to roll on top of his sister.

“They are almost as awful as we are.” Oikawa replied, earning himself a playful nudge with the elbow.

“Shut up, it’s always you who starts it.” Iwaizumi ignored Oikawa’s wailed “Not true!” as he continued. “They don’t have an easy life, so it’s nice to see them this relaxed.” Oikawa dropped his playful mode again. This revelation was surprising to him. Of course everyone had their own baggage in life, but he had never met someone who really had a rough time living.

“May I ask?” Iwaizumi hesitated before shaking his head.

“It’s a bit too personal. I’ll ask him first if he minds me telling you.” 

“Sure, it’s none of my business anyways. I was just curious.” Oikawa told him, feeling a bit bad for having asked. Usually he wouldn’t have cared about Azuma, but things had changed over the last few weeks. Now the back of his mind wanted to know as much as possible of Iwaizumi’s surroundings. It was like a force that didn’t belong to Oikawa was steering him towards these stupid decisions.

The situation ended with Airi realizing what she was doing in front of a handsome guy, and her brother teasing her for trying to appear like a well-behaved girl. Maybe if she would try to be her true self around Oikawa he would give her a chance. She really didn’t seem bad. For now he simply exchanged his number with her.  
__________________

Oikawa was going to learn more about Azuma not too long after that. So far he didn’t like him too much, not only because he was the boyfriend of his suppressed crush, but also because of the possessiveness he showed in the relationship. Oikawa had experienced these things first hand with some of his girlfriends and it was no fun situation to be in, even less so when you truly loved the other person which was the case with Iwaizumi. But Oikawa had always concluded that Iwaizumi somehow managed to deal with it.

Oikawa was leaving his room to fetch something to drink when he noticed Iwaizumi sitting on the couch, looking at his phone that was lying on the arm rest. He sighed as his gaze traveled towards the lit TV that was showing some nature documentary. 

Recently Oikawa had noticed Iwaizumi sighing more, but he hadn’t been too sure if he should approach it. 

Iwaizumi was constantly glancing at his phone, touching it gently before averting his attention away from it again.

He couldn’t have…found out? Oh god, did Iwaizumi think Oikawa gave him the phone because he liked him? In an instant Oikawa was incredibly nervous, but he couldn’t stand seeing Iwaizumi acting like this. Suddenly the phone vibrated and Iwaizumi immediately perked up, checking the device before sighing again, letting his body fall weakly against the couch.

“Something wrong?” Oikawa decided to ask. Iwaizumi had always tried to be there for him when he wasn’t feeling well, and Oikawa wanted to give back the favor. The back of his mind was telling him that this was another opportunity to get closer to Iwaizumi, but Oikawa tried to kill off that little voice. He wanted to help his friend and nothing more.

Iwaizumi flinched, not having noticed Oikawa leaving his room. He turned his head, and it broke Oikawa’s heart to see his usually sure eyes be glazed over with insecurity. All he wanted was take Iwaizumi into his arms and make every bad thing around him disappear, just like he deserved.

“What? Oh, ehm. I…I just…I’m waiting for my boyfriend to reply...” He said, the sentence trailing off at the end as he looked at his phone again. The anxiety was clear in his voice, and Oikawa walked around the couch to sit next to Iwaizumi who barely looked at him.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Oikawa asked, leaning his side against the back rest to have his full attention towards Iwaizumi, as if his feelings weren’t usually already forcing him to do that. Iwaizumi looked up, unsure on how to respond. Oikawa didn’t pressure him until Iwaizumi finally said:

“Yeah…But nothing leaves this room, okay?”

“Obviously. Do you want some coffee?” Iwaizumi shook his head. It had to be serious if Iwaizumi didn’t want any coffee.

“It’s just…Gosh. This is going to be long. Can you give me a moment to write it on the laptop?”

“Sure. And in the meantime I’ll still make you some coffee. I know it’ll help you, you love it too much.” Iwaizumi smirked as Oikawa reassuringly patted his shoulder. He got up to prepare an entire pot of coffee, bringing everything they needed for a long talk into the living room with a tablet.

Iwaizumi was still writing, holding his head from time to time before erasing some parts and writing new paragraphs. At least he had something to do instead of constantly staring at his phone for it to magically make the situation better.

Oikawa had already drunken an extremely sweet coffee when Iwaizumi hesitantly handed him his laptop. He set down his mug and settled into the sofa, only a little bit nervous when he realized that Iwaizumi was watching him while sipping his own coffee to watch Oikawa’s immediate reactions. 

Oikawa took a deep breath before dwelling into the written text ahead of him.

> I had a fight with Azuma.
> 
> You already witnessed yourself how jealous he can become, and how  
>  possessive he reacts to that. I tried to make him understand that  
>  when we’re alone he’s the sweetest, most perfect living being  
>  you could ever imagine. He’s so funny. I wish we could  
>  be just like that when we go out into the world.
> 
> I know things aren’t easy for him. His father died when he was young  
>  and his mother couldn’t deal with it, which made her…not so  
>  good towards her children. Azuma lives on his own now, and Airi  
>  lives in a special institution while she gets through school. The institution  
>  also helps Azuma pay the bills, but he can’t study art because it’s not  
>  seen as a profitable degree by the institution. Azuma and Airi  
>  both manage well like this, but this kind of life leaves its scars.
> 
> I wish that Azuma would get more help for his mental health, but he doesn’t want to.  
>  He doesn’t want to accept that the people in his past made him be  
>  like this. I’m sure his past is the reason why he clings so obsessively to me.  
>  But every time I talk to him about this he gets angry, even though  
>  I think he is simply scared. I can’t get through to him and it’s starting  
>  to take a toll on me. He notices this and in turn starts being more  
>  terrified of me leaving him. We fought about this yesterday,  
>  and now he doesn’t want to see or write me.
> 
> I’m scared he did something to himself after  
>  our fight. Airi told me he’s with her and that he’s fine, but she doesn’t  
>  know all the things she has to look out for.  
>  I just really don’t know what to do.

“Oh shit.” Oikawa didn’t have any words. This was more complicated than he had anticipated. He has no experience with people that have mental health issues, a short-coming which left him grasping for anything to return to Iwaizumi.

Iwaizumi nodded, finishing his coffee and pouring himself another mug. Good thing Oikawa decided to prepare it.

“I really don’t know what to say. This is…fuck.” 

“I knew it wouldn’t be easy when I got together with him, but I thought he would listen to me more.” Iwaizumi said, his voice raspy from earlier crying. Oikawa tried to think of anything that could help their relationship. Seeing Iwaizumi happy again was more important than anything Oikawa was feeling.

“Maybe you could do some shared hobby together and involve other people? To see that nothing happens? Kind of an exposure therapy.” 

Iwaizumi sighed.

“We actually don’t have that many things we connect over anymore. We used to when we got together, but over the years we changed a lot. I guess that’s the problem when you get together in your teens. But we still get along, we have incredible respect for each other and we try to support the other in every life decision. So why does it seem like this isn’t enough…” Oikawa hadn’t known that these two had been together for so long, and it made him realize just again in what position he was in. He felt bad for the words he was about to say.

“I’m sorry to ask you like this, but why are you still together with him?” Iwaizumi was quiet, closing his eyes as he asked himself the question he had been dreading to approach.

“We had such a good chemistry back in the days. I still care madly about him, I mean I’ve seen the good parts of him and they are still present. And I can’t break him when he isn’t stable. What would he even do when I’m not around anymore? We had all these plans for the future. I would be throwing all of that away. I can’t even imagine a life anymore where he isn’t there. He’s the only person who has ever accepted every part of me.”

“So you’re scared that he’s going downhill if you break up with him.” Iwaizumi nodded. “Okay. But it seems to me…Iwaizumi, could it be that you’re also scared that you might end up empty in the future if you let go of Azuma?”

Iwaizumi was quiet, and he crossed his arms on top of his perched up knees to press his face into them. He simple sat there, trying to keep himself together with the pressure of his body.

Oikawa didn’t know what to do. His instincts told him to hug the man in front of him, but he couldn’t judge anymore if these thoughts were empathy or pure selfish indulgence. He wanted to hold him, tell him that he was one of the greatest people he had ever met in his life and that a person like him would get a new boyfriend in no time. There was no way someone as precious as him would end up without anyone to love him. Oikawa didn’t even let himself consider the possibility of being said person. After this year he would head to university where he wouldn’t have time for anything serious.

“Do you want a hug?” The back of his mind betrayed him, and Iwaizumi looked up, his eyes distraught from the thoughts swirling behind them. He simply nodded, not even waiting for Oikawa to do the first move, untangling his body and wrapping his arms tightly around Oikawa’s torso. It took Oikawa by surprise, and he tried to put his arms on Iwaizumi’s body as naturally as possible. The fact that he had to think of this already made it less natural, but he quickly found a comfortable position. Iwaizumi’s face was buried deeply into his shoulder, and Oikawa could only see the top of his slightly spiked hair. He probably hadn’t used any hair gel today.

Oikawa prayed that Iwaizumi wasn’t able to notice his heartbeat, which was skipping with happiness at having its desired one snuggled up to it. But Iwaizumi didn’t say anything, and Oikawa started to draw little circles on his back to calm him down. In the meantime Oikawa watched the TV, the silly commercials being quite entertaining. Suddenly Iwaizumi moved, using one of his arms to grab his phone and check for any new notifications, but no luck. Of course, it hadn’t even made any sound, but Oikawa knew this pointless hope too well. Iwaizumi sighed, putting the phone next to him and letting his head rest against Oikawa’s shoulder again. Some series started to play, and Oikawa absentmindedly drew different Kanjis on Iwaizumi’s back to take his roommate's mind off his intrusive thoughts.

They stayed like this for a while, and sometimes Iwaizumi asked Oikawa to repeat the Kanji or what the hell he had just drawn. Oikawa got pinched in the back when he drew a dick, something that made the both of them snicker. It must have helped with cheering Iwaizumi up because shortly after he released his desperate hug on Oikawa, sitting himself next to him and rubbing his drowsy eyes.

It was extremely adorable and Oikawa wished this moment would never end.

“Thank you, Oikawa. Really.” Oikawa smiled, resisting the urge of grabbing Iwaizumi again and leaving a quick kiss on his head.

“I hope it helped.” Iwaizumi nodded, getting up and brining the tray back into the kitchen. 

After that Iwaizumi decided to go for a jog, something Oikawa was still not able to join him in, but he had the feeling that this time Iwaizumi had wanted to be alone anyways. Instead he took Iwaizumi’s notebook which was usually placed on top of the kitchen table. Nowadays he used an app on his smartphone to keep track of his word count. He simply had to press a special button on the side of the phone and a word was added the counter. That was the reason why the notebook was now only used to note things down.

Oikawa flipped quickly through the pages, a small smile appearing on his face when Iwaizumi had stopped marking down lines and conversations and had instead begun scribbling deep thoughts like “Buy Milk”. He took the pen which was included in the notebook and wrote a little note on the next page.

> Hang in there. You’re awesome. ( ° ∇ °) <3

He put the notebook down where it had been before, hoping that Iwaizumi was going to notice it soon. A yawn escaped him as he took out his phone to check his recent notifications. Most were simply new text messages, one being from Airi, but at another notification he stopped scrolling.

Well, that sure wasn’t something he had expected.


	7. Chapter 7

Oikawa was sitting in the corner of a café, checking his phone every now and then and telling the waitress that he would order as soon as the other person had arrived.

He really had never expected he would meet that person in this kind of setting. Oikawa tapped on the chat bubble, opening up the conversation of last week and scrolling up to the first message.

> Hey Tooru! Or should I say Oikawa now?  
>  How small the world can be! I just learned that you  
>  share a flat with Azuma’s boyfriend! His sister  
>  was so nice to give me your number.  
>  Want to meet up? I’m sure  
>  a lot of things have happened in our lives, and I’d  
>  love to know what happened after junior high!  
>  -Akira :P

Oikawa closed the chat again, looking up at the wooden door of the café. Was he really going to meet Akira again? He had to admit that he was a bit nervous. Even though his crush had long faded away, the past self inside his mind was still jumping around in excitement. What would Akira even look like now? To pass some time Oikawa examined the fall inspired decoration in the café, touching the crinkly red leaves sitting in the middle of the table. He was surprised to realize that they were real leaves and wondered if it wasn’t dangerous when the candle sitting in their midst was lit.

Suddenly a new message popped up on the display, and Oikawa looked down curiously. It was from Iwaizumi.

> [Iwa-chaaan~: 15:32:47]  
>  Can I take some of your ice cream?

Oikawa smiled as he typed back.

> [Oikawa: 15:33:05]  
>  Sure, go ahead. I like men with a little chub <3

The reply came almost immediately.

> [Iwa-chaaan~: 15:33:15]  
>  Says the one who bought the ice cream.

Oikawa was thinking up a witty response, when an almost familiar voice appeared next to him.

“Tooru?” Oikawa turned his head, and he faintly recognized the face of his old classmate in the expression of the young man standing in front of him. It was weird how someone could look so similar and yet so different after growing up. His hair was still blonde, though it had gotten a shade darker over the years, with a stylish undercut showing at the side of his head. It framed his face nicely and accentuated the black plug inside his ear. 

“Aki-chan!” Akira smiled brightly at the mention of his name, and Oikawa stood up to give him a quick hug. 

“Yes, it’s me! Ah, it’s been a while, Tooru!” He expressed his delight as he sat himself in front of Oikawa. It was weird for Oikawa to be called by his first name; usually only his parents did it, but he could forgive someone who was used to calling him that. Akira seemed to finally notice his mistake. “Ah, I mean Oikawa, sorry!”

“No harm done!” Oikawa said as he sat down as well, and in the same moment the waitress arrived to take the orders for their drinks. They both chose coffee. As soon as she vanished Akira directed his attention towards Oikawa again.

“Oh my god. I really can’t believe we’re meeting again.” He said as he slightly shook his head that was resting in the palm of his hand.

“Me neither! You have to tell me how that came about. Where do you know Azuma from?” Oikawa said as he checked out the white hoodie Akira was wearing. It was casual but it suited him well.

“Ah, yeah! I was in high school with him, and now his little sister is in the same class as my sister. That’s already quite the coincidence to be honest. I recently met him again at the train station and we caught up a little bit, which obviously included how things were going with his year-long boyfriend, and bäm! I found out he’s living with you, and that Airi has your number! Obviously I had to text you.” Akira explained as he underlined his words with little hand gestures, just like he had always used to.

“Damn, that’s really a coincidence. I’m glad you asked for my number! I mean, when’s the last time we saw each other? Four or five years ago? It’s insane how fast time passes, and how much you change!”

“I know, right! I was just thinking the same! I mean, obviously I still recognize you, you’re still you, but…you changed so much!” Akira said as he scanned the different features on Oikawa’s face. It felt weird to have Akira’s attention directed at Oikawa again. Back in the days he would have killed for every moment of it.

“Right back at you. So tell me, what’s been going on?” Oikawa asked as he fiddled with one of the leaves, the low crackling sound giving a nice background noise.

“Well, the usual. Graduating, questioning life and society, cringing at my past self…” Akira said while dramatically averting his eyes, which made Oikawa snicker.

“Oh yeah, I’m right there with you.”

“Yeeeah. I sure was an asshole back in school.” Akira said, smiling dejectedly. 

“Not just you. We were awful during junior high.” At least that had been the one instance in Oikawa’s life where he had actively been mean towards people. The rest was simply his personality.

“Yep. At least I changed. It was quite the punch in my face when I saw my sister’s son grow up and realize what I had done. He has a low limit, you know. Really puts things into perspective.” Akira sighed, looking up when their coffees arrived. They thanked the waitress before continuing the conversation.

“But that’s exactly what we needed. I mean, I stopped being mean towards people with a low limit after junior high, but living with someone with an extremely low limit has really made me see everything in a different light.” Oikawa said as he stirred more sugar into his beverage.

Akira nodded while taking a sip.

“Oh well, the past is the past, and now we are better people. You still into volleyball?” He changed the conversation, and they discussed back and forth how their hobbies had developed over the years. Akira was proud to hear about Oikawa’s future goals, and was incredibly excited when Oikawa told him that he was singing in a small band. Obviously Akira had been the one responsible for starting that. Akira himself was also in a band, but their goal was to become known to the public. It was a dream all of the members partook in while they were in university. Akira was studying music, and if things didn’t go well with his band he could always become a music teacher. He also added that he was still playing volleyball from time to time, but just for fun with friends.

“It’s kinda nice to see that through our hobbies we still had a part of the other with us.” Akira said, sounding like a line out of a dating sim.

“Yeah.” Oikawa replied and finished his coffee. It was already cold, which bugged him, but what could he do. Then he noticed Akira looking absentmindedly at a couple sitting a few tables next to them.

“What, jealous?” Oikawa teased, and Akira took a moment to understand.

“What? Oh, no, whops! You know, just this awkward situation when you stare at nothing and realize you were starting at people…Ahahaha.” Akira explained and fiddled with the cup in front of him.

“Why, is there anything you want to bring up that you’re not sure how to discuss?” Oikawa asked. He knew this fidgeting around the topic well enough from all the encounters with his fangirls. People always gathered their thoughts in their own bubble of consciousness before addressing something that was important to them.

The way Akira averted his eyes showed that he had hit the mark.

“Eh, kind of, but I feel like it’s very out of context…”

“Just tell me.” Oikawa encouraged him, and Akira sighed defeated.

“Okay, I just want to be honest with people. I found out something about myself that I want my friends to know, because I feel like it’s a big part of my life. And since we were good friends in the past and are now meeting again…Uhm…Well…I’m…I’m not really straight.” Akira finally spat out, completely refraining from looking at Oikawa who simply sat there in surprise. “Oh my god, sorry for saying it out of the blue. I shouldn’t have done that. Sorry.”

“Seriously?” Oikawa simply replied, not realizing how it must sound to Akira. A glint of worry washed over his eyes as he looked at Oikawa with apprehension, before Oikawa calmed his younger self screeching inside his mind to properly respond to Akira’s coming out. “I always thought you were as straight as a stick. I mean, I’m not really straight either, so there’s that.”

This immediately let the tension drop from Akiras shoulders.

“Oh, come on Oikawa! For a moment there I thought you hated me!” He laughed in relieve. “So, are you gay, too?” This time his voice was lower.

“Not quite. I’m Bi.”

“I see, I see! How did you find out?” Akira asked curiously, drinking the last drop of his coffee before looking at the empty cup with slight disappointment. ‘Well, technically it started with you, but I can’t say that…’

“Somewhere along the lines of highschool. It wasn’t that easy to find out to be honest. I always thought it was a “Damn, I want to be that” until I realized it’s a “Oh no damn, I want to be with that.””

“Haha, kind of like me! I thought I was bisexual for the longest time, but last year I found out that I’m really not interested in girls at all…” Akira sighed lightheartedly, looking at the couple again. “I really don’t understand how you can be into girls.”

“Have you _looked_ at them?” Oikawa pointed out, but Akira shrugged his shoulders.

“Yeah, now what?” They both started laughing quietly in response. “But if it’s like this, then it’s not that weird if I admit that I kind of had a crush on you in junior high?”

Wait what? Oikawa’s brain struggled to connect this information to its actual past.

“I know, right?” Akira continued. “I wanted to date you but I was scared of being weird so I ended up dating Yuki, only to realize that in the end she was reminding me of you. Oh my, this must sound so weird to you right now! But eh, I think enough time has passed to tell you.”

“Are you serious…?” Oikawa asked with an almost amused voice, not believing what he was hearing. 

“I didn’t mess up now, did I?” Akira laughed awkwardly, fiddling again with his cup. “It’s all old news, don’t worry. No feelings left now.”

“No, no, it’s just…I didn’t realize it back then because I only questioned my sexuality in high school, but…I was crushing on you quite hard, Akira. Like, really hard.” He said honestly, making Akira’s eye widen in surprise.

“What…? Oh my god. I thought I was only imagining it because I wanted you to like me! Oh. My. God. If only my old self would have known! We could have had such a great time together!” He said excitedly, shaking his head in disbelief. “Oh well.”

Oikawa agreed, also shaking his head with a smile. Well, that’s just what happened when you had grown up without accepting your sexuality.

“So, how’s your love life now?” Akira asked innocently. Oikawa immediately felt the bitterness spread through his body, but the smile on his face didn’t falter.

“…I have a crush on a guy.” He said hesitantly, and Akira immediately had a smug grin on his face. Oikawa didn’t want to hear it. Why had he even said the truth? He could totally have lied, but something inside his heart just forced him to acknowledge these feeling inside him whenever there was just the slightest possibility to do so.

“Ohohoho, tell me all about him. You don’t know how long I’ve waited to have a friend to share such conversations with.”

“Actually, I really don’t want to. He’s in a long-term relationship, and…” Immediately the look on Akira’s face changed to compassion.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I won’t bring it up again then. Except if you want to talk about it. I know what it feels like.” 

Oikawa smiled, appreciating that Akira refrained from pushing the conversation. Instead Akira started speaking of all the crushes he had in the last few years, bathing in the sheer excitement of finally being able to lay out all these feelings that were still not completely accepted by the general society. That was why he was talking with a quiet voice, hoping that no one around them would catch up on the topic. Oikawa wondered if Akira had had some bad experiences regarding his homosexuality that made him so weary. 

Soon the topic shifted again, and they talked about university, music, volleyball, the queer community in Japan and even some politics.

They had spent a good two hours together, when Akira started looking more frequently at his phone.

“Gotta go soon?” Oikawa picked up on the hint, and Akira smiled apologetic.

“Yeah, I promised my parents I would make dinner for them tonight…I really don’t want to miss that.” Oikawa understood, so they paid the bill and headed out of the coffee shop together.

“Well, it was really great to catch up with you!” Akira said with bright eyes, a look that Oikawa used to adore back in the days. But nowadays his attention was all focused on stern eyes and slightly scowling lips that made the gentle smiles on them appear even more beautiful.

“Right back at ya!” Oikawa chirped, closing his coat as the wind picked up. “We really should do this again.”

“I was thinking the same! You have my number, so just text me whenever you feel like it. Oh, and tell Azuma I said Hi if you see him around the apartment. I bet he pretty much lives there already.” Well, Azuma didn’t like having Oikawa around too much, so no, but instead of explaining the situation Oikawa simply smiled.

“Sure. Which bus stop do you have to go to?” He asked instead.

“Oh, I’m walking today, gotta get some exercise in.” Akira said while patting his stomach. “But I can wait for the bus with you!”

Like that they walked to the other side of the street, not even having to wait a minute until Oikawa’s bus arrived. They gave each other a quick good-bye hug before they both went their separate ways. 

It had been a fun afternoon, and Oikawa smirked as he watched the buildings pass by the driving bus window. Who would have thought that he could settle his past with Akira this easily? It really made something inside him feel more at peace. He wondered if this could be the start of another friendship. After all, teenager years were the time where people could do a complete 180 within a few years, so it hadn’t been a given that they still got along. It was the same issue that was so relevant in Iwaizumi’s rocky relationship.

Iwaizumi…

Oikawa caught himself wishing that Iwaizumi wouldn’t be at home today. His mind was filled with nostalgia, and he didn’t want to have the present situation be smashed into his face. He was always fine when he was separated from Iwaizumi, but as soon as he would see him again – bäm. Every time.

And it didn’t help seeing Iwaizumi suffer every day because of the fight he had with Azuma. Sure, he still smiled, but as soon as Oikawa looked away it would immediately drop, sometimes staying like that for the entire evening. The worst thing was that Oikawa could do nothing to help him, and so he had tried to emotionally distance himself from the situation.

Which was hard to do when you had a crush on someone.

Who knew, maybe Iwaizumi had made up with Azuma during Oikawa’s absence and now they were at Azuma’s apartment, letting things be the way they were supposed to be. Oikawa wanted to focus on how to best get his training regime going again and prepare himself for University, not being distracted by his emotions.

Really, why did things have to turn out this way?

Oikawa sighed before jumping off at his bus stop, walking the rest of the way home. It was already evening and he was starting to get hungry, even though he had lunch quite late in the afternoon. Hm, what should he cook? He really should start adding more eggs into his diet again. Soon he would be allowed light exercise again, something that made him roll his eyes because he simply wanted to exercise again. He hadn’t moved properly in so long, and he wouldn’t be surprised if it was also starting to take a toll on his mental wellbeing. 

And he was sure that as soon as he could focus on himself and his exercise again, his constant attention towards his roommate would lessen. Until then he had to make sure to keep some distance from Iwaizumi, as much as his mind longed for the contact. But he knew it was simply deceiving him into feeling this way. He had to make this revert back into a more superficial relationship, being on good terms until Oikawa would move out again. Then he could take up on being friends again, because being completely honest, Iwaizumi was a good guy and the way they interacted with each other filled Oikawa’s life with a lot of fun. 

Yeah, it was going to be okay. He could still do some damage-control. 

Oikawa opened the door to the apartment while humming a song, taking off his shoes and turning on the lights. He immediately noticed Iwaizumi’s shoes, so no luck at having him out of the apartment. But he seemed to be in his room, so-

Suddenly he heard a very quiet sob come from the living room, and he could physically feel his heart drop.

“Iwa-chan?” He called out to him with a worried voice, but nothing returned. “Iwaizumi…?”

Oikawa made his way into the living room, and there on the floor, leaning with his back against the couch, was indeed Iwaizumi. But he wasn’t looking up; instead he had his face pressed against a pillow to suppress any indication of the world around him.

“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa said quietly, slowly walking up to Iwaizumi and kneeling next to the extremely tensed up man. He wasn’t reacting in any way, something that made Oikawa worry even more. It had never been this bad during the last week. Could it be…?

Oikawa lifted his hand apprehensively, gently trying to touch Iwaizumi’s shoulder. But as soon as they connected Iwaizumi shifted away. It screamed ‘leave me alone’, but if he truly had wanted to be alone, he would have been inside his room. At that time Oikawa hadn’t known that full on emotional breakdowns happened wherever they pleased to.

So Oikawa simply sat there, not knowing what to do, all the while he could hear Iwaizumi’s heavy breathing from inside the pillow. It was obvious that he was trying to suppress his overwhelming emotions, but Oikawa didn’t want to leave him alone in this state. Someone as strong as Iwaizumi wasn’t supposed to break over another person. He had battled so many hardships, many of which Oikawa didn’t even know, and it pained him to see this stronghold crumble because of Azuma.

“Just let it all out, okay?” Oikawa finally mustered up the words to say, and he could see Iwaizumi slightly adjusting his posture. Just as Oikawa thought he would have to sit here for the entire night, a single eye peaked out from behind the pillow. 

Oh, if only it hadn’t. It was completely glassy and red from crying, a fragile light shining in front of anxious thoughts. Whatever determination Oikawa had from distancing himself, it was completely gone after this sight.

“Did something happen…?” Oikawa asked, feeling stupid for doing so. Obviously it had. Iwaizumi looked downright broken, and it was like Oikawa’s words weren’t even reaching him. Was there even anything he could do? He had no experience with things like this. 

For a moment Iwaizumi averted his face again, making Oikawa think he had messed up, before he slowly lowered the tightly hugged pillow to support his chin on.

“No.” Iwaizumi had to cough a few times before his voice was more or less stable again. “And that’s the issue.” He whispered, fixating no point in the room, simply staring at nothingness. ‘Oh, so they didn’t break up.’

“Still no reply?” Oikawa made sure, and Iwaizumi shook his head.

“I’m sorry you had to see this. I…lost track of time.” Iwaizumi apologized without looking at Oikawa, rubbing his eyes with the back of his hand.

“Has it only been this bad today? Or…” Iwaizumi stayed quiet, and Oikawa felt like shit. So Iwaizumi had probably been crying every day and he hadn’t even noticed. Gosh, what an asshole he had been for even considering distancing himself at exactly this time. Now he simply wanted to embrace Iwaizumi and not let him go until all of this had passed, wiping away every single tear because none of them were supposed to be shed by such an amazing human be-

Oikawa stopped his train of thoughts. This was not the right moment.

“Are you in touch with Airi?” Again Iwaizumi shook his head, gripping the pillow even harder. 

No. This couldn’t continue like this. Oikawa leaned his back against the sofa, right next to Iwaizumi and took out his phone, dialing Airi’s number in the spur of the moment. Iwaizumi looked at him with confused, puffy eyes, but Oikawa simply smiled back at him reassuringly.

It took a while for Airi to answer the phone.

 _“Oikawa?”_ Her surprised voice resonated in Oikawa’s ear.

“Hey Airi! Sorry to call you, but I have a little question!” He said with his usually bright voice.

_“Uh, sure, what is it?”_

“Not to be a mood killer, but Iwa-chan isn’t doing so great, so I wanted to ask how things are at your end, with your brother and all.” He immediately cut to the case. Airi paused for a moment, and Oikawa could only hear her rhythmic breathing. He wondered what she was thinking right now.

_“I already thought that might be the reason you are calling…Did Iwaizumi ask you to?”_

“Nope, it was all me.” Airi sighed.

_“Listen…I can only repeat what I have already told Iwaizumi. We are out of town together, and you really shouldn’t worry. I’m taking care of him, okay? I can feel that my brother loves Iwaizumi a lot, but he needs the time to think now. And it’s really hard to do when his boyfriend is calling me every hour.”_

Oh, Iwa-chan…

“Sure, thanks for the updating me then. Oh, and tell me when you’re back in town, okay?” Oikawa tried to lighten the mood, and he could almost feel Airi smile on the other side of the line.

 _“Sure. See you soon, maybe…”_ She said, but something was off about the way she replied. Maybe she hadn’t been smiling after all. Before he could say anything more Airi had already hung up.

Oh well.

“And?” Iwaizumi immediately jumped to question Oikawa.

“Nothing that you don’t already know. They’re out of town, and Azuma needs some time for himself. But she said that she’s sure he still loves you.” It was weird to speak these words out loud. Iwaizumi sighed, closing his eyes.

“Then why isn’t he replying…” he murmured, letting his forehead fall against the pillow.

“He needs more time.” Oikawa stated the obvious, and Iwaizumi sighed again.

“Time only makes my own thoughts worse.” He whispered almost desperately, and Oikawa understood that what Iwaizumi needed the most was distraction.

“Then let’s fill your thoughts with other stuff!” Oikawa said, but Iwaizumi didn’t reciprocate the enthusiasm. Obviously his head was filled with different worries that all tried to get his complete attention. “How about some volleyball? Letting your body do the thinking always helps.” Iwaizumi shook his head.

“I’m too exhausted for that. Honestly, I just want to sleep…” But Oikawa had a hunch that Iwaizumi wouldn’t even be able to fall asleep. Lately the bags under his eyes were more prominent than what naturally occurred because of university life.

“Okay, nothing exhausting. How about a nice movie and popcorn?” This time Iwaizumi pondered on it a bit longer.

“Hm…Okay. At least I can fall asleep whenever I want to. But _please_ , nothing with relationships.”

And so Oikawa set up the sofa bed, prepared some drinks and put the popcorn into the microwave. Good thing he always had a stock of it at hand, though Iwaizumi said that he wasn’t hungry and wasn’t going to eat any. Oikawa tried to entertain Iwaizumi with different topics, talking about how his day went, what kind of songs he was practicing with his bands and how badly he just wanted to exercise regularly again. Iwaizumi simply listened without really replying, but it seemed like he appreciated being fed different thoughts. He even let out a small laugh when Oikawa wailed around theatrically. 

In the end Oikawa decided to put on Zootopia. No romance, no humans, quirky: Nothing that could do any harm. So they settled onto the soft surface of the sofa bed, and Oikawa used the remote to maneuver through the title screen menu.

“You sure are able to switch into happy very quickly…” Iwaizumi suddenly murmured.

“What?” Oikawa was confused. 

“Before, on the phone. You just immediately switched into your happy self.” He explained, and Oikawa mouthed an Oh.

“Hmm~ So what?” He said as verified the language option.

“I just feel like I learned something about you again.” Iwaizumi reseated himself to lie on his stomach, watching the screen with his head resting on his crossed arms.

“Oh.” 

Why did Iwaizumi have to say it that way? Like he wanted to learn about him, though not in the way Oikawa’s subconscious wished he would. Instead Oikawa pressed play to distract himself from the feeling.

“By the way…” Iwaizumi continued as the intro played, and Oikawa looked at him, though he couldn’t see his face, only the top of his head illuminated by the screen and the white shirt gradually fading to grey as the dimming light source traveled over his back.

“Hm?” Oikawa tried to not let it show that he was in fact a little bit nervous about having some alone time with Iwaizumi. This setting was nothing he wasn’t used to, but still, it just wasn’t the same, completely relaxing experience it used to be before.

“I kind of ate all your ice cream…” Iwaizumi said with a bit of guilt. Oikawa slightly lowered his eyelids. That was probably the least of his worries.

“Well, I’ll forgive you this time around.” He replied with a sarcastically snippy tone, and Iwaizumi turned his head towards his roommate.

“You still look like I took your candy away.” 

“You literally did.” 

Iwaizumi snickered quietly before returning his attention to the screen, and Oikawa smiled gently. He seemed to be doing a little bit better already. They continued on with the movie, and Iwaizumi looked like he was enjoying it. Sometimes his eyes still wandered off into the room, making Oikawa wonder if he should say anything, but they usually would snap back only a few moments later. He stopped doing it entirely when the story picked up pace.

And well, Oikawa had spent more time watching Iwaizumi than the movie, so he finally decided to lie on his stomach as well to stop having the man in his peripheral vision all the time. His head was resting on a pillow and his hand was constantly moving to feed himself one piece of popcorn at a time. This way his mind finally calmed down and completely focused on the movie at hand, and he barely even noticed when Iwaizumi would shift around to find a more comfortable position. Yeah, he still had control over this.

He was engrossed in the scene unfolding before him, when suddenly an arm entered his vision, making him flinch.

“Whops, sorry.” Iwaizumi said above him, but it sounded way too close. Oikawa looked next to him, freezing completely. He could see Iwaizumi’s lower arm keeping balance as it perched up the body to access the popcorn bowl sitting next to Oikawa’s head. But that wasn’t the issue. Oikawa’s eyes traveled upwards, catching on the way Iwaizumi’s shirt dipped at the collar, showing his collarbone. The toned skin over the prominent bone looked soft to the touch, it being the perfect place to put your lips on. Oikawa immediately tried looking away, only to be met with a jawline covered by rough stubble that hadn’t been shaved since the day before. He could even see the tendons slightly move in his stretched out neck, a sight that made Oikawa’s breath stop. No matter what he did, his vision was filled with Iwaizumi. 

The entire thing had only lasted a few seconds, but it had been enough to short circuit Oikawa. Iwaizumi settled next to Oikawa like nothing had happened, his hand full with popcorn that he emptied out in front of himself. But Oikawa couldn’t look away; he was still so completely entranced by this man that he didn’t even react when Iwaizumi’s eyes met his. Oikawa had no idea what expression he was making, but Iwaizumi furrowed his eyebrows before flicking a piece of popcorn at Oikawa’s face.

“Ahk.” This finally made him snap out of it.

“Selfish Trashykawa, as if a handful of popcorn missing would spoil your evening.” Iwaizumi grumbled before popping some popcorn inside his mouth. 

Well, at least he hadn’t caught on. Oikawa pouted, pushing the bowl of popcorn in-between them before forcing his fluttering heart to calm down. Usually he would have made a remark that Iwaizumi was acting like a girlfriend that didn’t want any fries with her order, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Together they finished the bowl of popcorn, putting it onto the floor when it was empty. The movie reached its conclusion, letting a smile spread on Oikawa’s face. He sat up as he reached for the remote when he noticed Iwaizumi staring at him.

Wait, he was staring at him?

Oikawa turned his head apprehensively, waiting for Iwaizumi to say anything. The man was still lying down with his head supported on his crossed arms, gazing up at Oikawa with gentle, dark eyes. He looked immensely cute. Oikawa didn’t understand how someone with facial features like him could look cute, but damn, he just made it work.

“Hey, man…Thanks for being here.” Iwaizumi finally said, averting his eyes towards the screen again that was showing the credits. Oikawa swallowed before sighing.

“Don’t worry about it. Can’t leave you hanging.” His hand moved without his rationality, tenderly patting Iwaizumi’s head. It was the first time feeling his hair, and it was softer to the touch than he had anticipated. He expected Iwaizumi to swat his hand away and to sit up, but instead he closed his eyes and gently leaned into the touch. Oikawa’s heart skipped a beat by the sheer adorableness of this, and he had to force himself to let go of Iwaizumi before it started getting weird.

Oh, Iwaizumi really knew how to make things worse.  
__________________

Another week had passed, and Oikawa was sitting on a camping stool surrounded by cardboard boxes, sipping his soda as he checked the recent notifications on his phone. A message from Airi had popped up, telling him what her favorite ice cream flavor was and asking him for his. He had never taken her for the mint chocolate chip type.

Their messages had increased over the last couple of days, and Oikawa enjoyed texting with her. It had been quite the surprise when Oikawa woke up one day to a paragraph in Airi’s chat. She went on explaining that she had seen how superficial their connection had been so far: He had been his typical flirty self, reminding her of some idol, and she had been her show-off self. What was different than usual was her attitude following that:

> [Airi-chan: 09:24:57]  
>  So maybe we could do a restart?  
>  Hi, I’m Airi. I’m Azuma’s little sister and I can be a real piece of shit.  
>  I love art, and my biggest dream is that my brother and I can  
>  live off our artistic creations. I only like volleyball because  
>  it is the only sport in P.E. that doesn’t suck.  
>  And who are you?

No girl had ever tried looking past his façade like this, except his sister, and he appreciated it just as much as it unsettled him. He didn’t want to tell too much about himself, so he introduced himself with his own future goals, mentioning his band and that working in a grocery store really sucked after a while. They had continued on with writing about trivial things, but something about this relaxed back and forth of messages entertained Oikawa.

Just then a new message popped up in another chat. It was from Iwaizumi.

> [Iwa-chaaan~: 13:54:38]  
>  Won’t be home tonight, see you soon!

Ah yeah.

Iwaizumi was probably spending the night at Azuma’s apartment.

A few days prior they had a long phone call together, sorting many things out. Oikawa hadn’t asked for any details. The both of them had met up again, and believing Iwaizumi’s words it had gone very well. If he had not looked as relieved and elated as he had, Oikawa would have been jealous, but honestly he had simply been happy that Iwaizumi was doing better again. 

It seemed like today was the day Iwaizumi would spend his first night with Azuma again, and Oikawa turned off his phone, sipping his soda while lost in thought. 

This was just the way it was, no reason to feel so bitter about it. 

In the end it had been his own selfish hope that they would break up. It hadn’t helped that Sugawara had texted Oikawa in relieve that it didn’t happen.

Again Oikawa reminded himself that he wouldn’t have any time for a relationship when he was in university, and it was still a complete no-go to date your roommate. Living in the same apartment just as you got together was promised to end in a disaster.

“Hey brother, come and help me lift this bastard!” Oikawa’s sister called out from another room. With a last gulp he finished his soda and got up to continue helping with his sister’s move.  
__________________

“You really don’t know what a varied closet is like, do you?” Oikawa said as he signed, looking at all the black clothes Iwaizumi owned.

“It works for me.” Iwaizumi mumbled behind him, wearing another combination of jeans and a black shirt. Oikawa simply gave him a side-stare as a reply. Not that he himself was the most fashionable person out there, but people could at least _try._

“Just tell me what you would pick.” Oikawa asked of him, and Iwaizumi immediately grabbed a black and grey flannel shirt. Obviously he had already considered what he would be wearing. It was a bit ironic to Oikawa that it had been him who had been asked to help Iwaizumi dress up for his night out with Azuma. Apparently they hadn’t done something like this in a while and they hoped to get to know each other better again.

At least Oikawa had already saved up some ice cream for later. He could text with his friends to distract his mind and tell himself that this too was going to pass. Maybe even call Akira and complain about how unfair this world was.

“What do you think of this shirt?” Iwaizumi asked as he held the flannel in front of his torso. Oikawa pondered on it, holding his chin in his hand until he finally nodded.

“It’s nice, it distracts from your face.” Immediately Iwaizumi’s eyelids fell, and Oikawa’s fight or flight response jumped to full alert.

“For fucks sake Oikawa, I will seriously beat you up one day.” He sighed as he completely closed his eyes. “You really bring out the worst of my personality.”

Instead of apologizing Oikawa grinned and playfully stuck out the tip of his tongue, just long enough for Iwaizumi to notice it as he slowly opened one eye. The man scoffed before saying: “At least I need someone to make me. You just shove it everyone’s face.”

“I’m just honest!~” Oikawa replied amused, taking another, more serious look at Iwaizumi. “But we will find something for you. Everyone has to work with what they have, and some just have to do more than others.”

“Oh, fuck you.” But Iwaizumi had still not thrown him out of his room, so he must not have been too bothered about it. Oikawa was almost sure that Iwaizumi actually enjoyed this bickering, maybe even being a bit curious what next dumb line Oikawa was going to pull. In the beginning Oikawa had always made sure that his roommate knew that he didn’t mean any of it, but after Iwaizumi had assured him again and again the he was aware of it, Oikawa had completely dropped it. Every exasperate sigh was just a sign that this rule was still in place.

“You just gotta find your style. I bet you’d look good in some rough clothing, like ripped jeans. You should buy some.” Oikawa suggested, but Iwaizumi didn’t seem fond of the idea.

“But I think they are stupid…”

“Okay, okay, nothing fancy when it comes to clothing itself, did I get it right?” 

Iwaizumi nodded.

“Do you have some accessories? The shirt is fine, but I bet something around your neck would look nice with it.” Oikawa said, trying not to look at said neck as he was speaking. Again Iwaizumi averted his eyes while thinking, only enough inattention for Oikawa to involuntarily snatch a peek at his neck and the smooth transition to his shoulder. Oh, this must be what his fangirls felt like when they were around him. 

“Are you sure? I’m not like you. I can’t just throw on a scarf and look gorgeous.”

Oikawa forced his lips to make nothing more than a normal, reassuring smile. ‘Does he even notice he’s borderline flirting with me?’

“Maybe not a scarf, but how about a necklace? A subtle silver chain? Looks good on literally anyone, and it doesn’t stand out too much.” This made Iwaizumi’s eye flicker with an idea, and he rummage through his closet until he actually found a silver necklace.

“You _do_ have something decent! I’m proud of you!” Oikawa said and clasped his hands together.

“Thank my mom, not me.” He had not only found a necklace but a black bandana with white patterns that formed a skull in the middle.

“I don’t think the bandana will-.” Oikawa added, but before he could finish Iwaizumi had tied the cloth around his face, looking like a rowdy straight out of a movie. Only the baseball bat enhanced with nails was missing, and he would be ready for the zombie apocalypse. His serious eyes just made him appear dangerous, like he could kick anyone’s ass if they were standing in his way.

Oikawa really liked it.

“If you want people to think that you’re going to rob a bank, sure sure.” Iwaizumi laughed as he untied the bandana again.

“Partners in life, partners in crime. But I know. I just like it.” He said, throwing it onto his bed before finally putting on the silver necklace, hiding most of it underneath the flannel shirt. It reflected the light in a subtle way and enhanced the general look of the outfit.

“Perfect!” Oikawa said, wondering if Iwaizumi really would have needed any help as he had picked most of the outfit himself. But he looked dang good in it, and Oikawa would have been proud to call someone like him his date. Iwaizumi fiddled with the collar, trying to make it stay in place. When he looked up Oikawa realized that he had been staring at the movement of the man’s hands, and he simply played it off with a smile. “I’m sure he’ll think that you are very handsome.”

“Thank you.” Iwaizumi said as he took a deep breath. “Then I’ll have to head out soon. Thanks for the help.”

“No problem, always glad to help you!”  
__________________

Oikawa was lying on the couch while tapping away on his phone, sighing as his vision unfocused and shifted towards the ceiling. If only he could make these thoughts stop.

Iwaizumi had been gone for several days, only notifying Oikawa of it per text. This separation was actually good for Oikawa, and his mind was able to rationalize many things it couldn’t when the other man was constantly around him. He felt more stable again, like he could regain control of his feelings, but he had had this hope many times over past weeks. Not one time had he been successful.

It didn’t help that so many things in the apartment reminded him of Iwaizumi and the time they had spent and will spend together. Every time he tried to get distracted his mind would jump in the direction of Iwaizumi again, like some pony that had noticed its favorite food lying around.

Oikawa sighed one more time as he closed the tabs of apartment ads. What was he even thinking. Even if it hadn’t been so hard to find a new apartment, how would he even explain to Iwaizumi why he was thinking of moving out without mentioning his crush? No, this was no way out either. Oikawa looked at the corridor, seeing through his imaginary eye how Iwaizumi would come home as usual, groaning away the tension of the day and heading straight to the kitchen for a snack. Completely different to Oikawa who had to lie down first thing after coming home to really feel like he had arrived.

Oikawa wiggled with his feet. It wasn’t healthy to lie around all day, pondering on what he could do against the situation he had trapped himself in and letting it eat away at his mind space. He had to get distracted, and so he got up and went for a long, long walk, his only companion the music inside his ears.  
__________________

Another couple of days had passed, and Oikawa was standing in the kitchen, chopping salad while humming some songs. He was getting used to living alone like this, and he looked forward to one day being able to afford his own apartment. The only downside was that he had to buy all the kitchen equipment himself.

He was reaching for a tomato when suddenly he heard the apartment door open. It was so unexpected that he flinched. He looked down at the knife resting in his hand, gently putting it down on the countertop. Phew, that could have been dangerous.

“Iwa-chan?” He called, turning towards the kitchen entrance with an anxious stomach. Yep, still not over him. 

“Hey, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi’s gentle voice replied, and at the sound of it Oikawa could feel something inside him settle into place. Only now he realized how much he had missed the other man.

“Didn’t think I’d ever see you around here again.” Oikawa said, trying to sound nonchalantly about it. He blinked when Iwaizumi turned on the light, and a smile spread over Oikawa’s face as he got a good look at the man. He was wearing a black hoodie that covered his athletic frame, but in the end it was always his face that would draw Oikawa in. Iwaizumi kicked a black sports bag into his room, probably full of stuff he needed to wash. It wasn’t weird to assume that he already had a lot of his clothes at Azuma’s place, and the nice thing of being gay was that you could always share a closet.

“Haha, yeah, I guess I took some days off.” Iwaizumi replied with an airy laugh.

Suddenly a pang of bitterness overcame Oikawa, amplified by the fact that he hadn’t really interacted much with Iwaizumi over the last three weeks. He knew that Iwaizumi had not meant to phrase it that way, but some hateful part of Oikawa interpreted that his roommate had needed some time away from him. 

Oh, he was so jealous of Azuma. Why was Iwaizumi still putting up with such a manipulative guy when he had someone who was obviously more compatible with him at home? Oikawa could feel his darker side creep up inside him like a rat gnawing its way through healthy flesh.

“So, how was it?~” He asked with sickish sweet voice, leaning his head against the doorframe and staring at Iwaizumi, but the man wasn’t even looking at him. Instead Iwaizumi closed his eyes and sighed loudly. Oh, so it didn’t even go well. “What, did you have a fight again?”

It must have sounded more snappish than Oikawa had intended to, because Iwaizumi slowly turned his head, looking at Oikawa like couldn’t believe what his roommate had just said to him. 

“What?” Iwaizumi simply stated.

“I dunno, it just kinda seemed like a waste to stay away that long and it not even being good.” Oikawa mumbled, his subconscious screaming at him to stop, even though he was sure that Iwaizumi would have had a better time if he had stayed with-

“Can you just _shut up_.” Immediately Oikawa’s stomach fell. “I really don't need such sarcastic bullshit right now, it-“ 

Iwaizumi stopped abruptly, holding his hand at his throat. He looked down at his body with gritted teeth, repressed frustration flaring up in his eyes. Oikawa simply stood there, frozen, trying to scramble together any thoughts that could fix this situation, but nothing appeared in the jumble of his mind.

“Iwa-“

Suddenly Iwaizumi slammed his fist against the doorframe, gripping at the wood and his throat. An ugly, frustrated growl escaped his lungs as he ripped open the door to his room and slammed it shut with a force that would make a neighbor question their living situation. 

Oikawa could only feel his heartbeat spreading a numbing, tingling sensation throughout his body. He walked in front of Iwaizumi’s door, not even daring to touch it. 

“Iwaizumi, I’m sorry.” He finally managed to say, but no one replied. Oikawa knew that whatever had happened to Iwaizumi wasn’t his fault, but he had been the person to push him over the edge. “I’m…I’m really sorry.”

I’m sorry for liking you.

He looked around himself, taking in the sight of the apartment lit by the artificial light, and he realized that this was the last place he wanted to be in at the moment. Without thinking twice he put on his running shoes that were stored away in the cupboards of the hallway and headed out of the apartment, the building, the street.

He ran because he didn’t know where else to put his feelings.  
Of what had just happened.  
Of the inner turmoil he had experienced in the past weeks.  
Of his self-deprecating opinion of his own limits, be it body or mind.  
Of the longing for a place to belong.  
And of the belief that he was fated to be alone.

He didn’t want to think of any it, and so he ran. He could barely even feel his knee complaining in waves of discomfort. He didn’t care. His mind was completely disconnected from his body.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise to him that his subconscious had taken him directly to the university gym, but obviously the hall was filled with darkness, and there was no way the entrance wasn’t locked. Oikawa stopped and breathed heavily. He wasn’t used to any longer exercise session anymore. It frustrated him to realize how quickly a body deteriorated in strength and stamina if it wasn’t honed regularly.

He only spent a few minutes there to catch his breath before he slowly walked home again, slightly limping.


	8. Chapter 8

Oikawa hadn’t slept well. One unsettling dream after another had flashed before his eyes, and when he finally awoke it felt like he hadn’t slept at all. With languid movements he searched for his phone, and when it finally found his hand he checked the time. 7:50AM. Oikawa’s eyes flew shut again and again, but he knew that he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep anymore.

With a groan he sat up, massaging his stiff shoulder and turning on the ceiling light with the remote. For a moment he stayed quiet, listening to any sounds that could indicate that Iwaizumi was awake as well. But the apartment was drenched in silence, and so Oikawa dared to slowly get up and peek outside his door. 

All lights were off. Coast clear.

Sooner or later he would have to confront Iwaizumi, but he would appreciate it if it was later. Oikawa quietly emerged from his room, and a slight burn in his knee bothered his every step. At least it wasn’t painful.

Oikawa took a cautious look at Iwaizumi’s door, and to his surprise it stood open. He wasn’t even home? Where had he gone…?

Oikawa entered the kitchen and turned on the lights, scanning his surroundings when he noticed a small piece of paper that hadn’t been there the day before.

He walked up to it and took it into his hand.

> I’m on the rooftop. Come up when you’re awake. Bring coffee.  
>  -Iwaizumi

What…

They had an accessible rooftop?

Was the note even intended for him? But if not for him, who else? Oikawa sighed. Might as well take the chance. The worst that could happen was that he looked stupid for searching a nonexistent rooftop entrance.

He made himself a triple portion of coffee and poured it into a thermos jug before slipping in some sweatpants, a sweater and a jacket. Luckily no one was in the hallway when he left the apartment as the working class had already long arrived at their workplace and the rest was still nestled snugly inside their beds.

Oikawa checked the stairs, but true enough to his memories they were only leading downwards. So he traveled along the hallway, and at the other end of it he found a small staircase leading up, a sign attached to the side of it:

> Please keep the  
>  rooftop clean.  
>  -The Janitor

Huh, so it indeed existed, and they were even allowed to go up there? How had Oikawa never known? Maybe it was a secret refuge for Iwaizumi and that’s why he had never told him.

He walked up cautiously, the back of his mind always reminding him that rooftops were not allowed to be accessed. The children who had tried back in school had gotten into quite some trouble.

As Oikawa opened the door a cold wind pierced his face, making him wince.

“Cold!” He yelped, but he fought through it and closed the door behind him. Sure enough the rooftop seemed to be intended for people. Plants decorated the border and middle of the square, and a few benches invited anyone to sit down. Oikawa scanned the area, but he didn’t see any other human. Maybe Iwaizumi had already left?

“Oikawa, here.” A voice suddenly emerged from a corner. Oikawa followed the sound, and there, sitting on the floor between two pots of plants, was Iwaizumi. The bags under his eyes were even more prominent than yesterday.

“Why are you sitting on the floor…” Oikawa asked as he looked down on his roommate. Why lean against the cold metal railing when there were several empty benches? It had to be a bit uncomfortable even with one blanket shielding him from the cold ground and the other wrapped around his body.

“I always sit here. Makes me feel more…How to put it. Like I’m not a part of daily life?” He said with a small, embarrassed laugh. ‘Cute….’

“That makes sense.” Oikawa replied with a smile and added: “But I never knew we even had a rooftop!”

Iwaizumi looked genuinely surprised. “What? I never told you?”

“No?” Oikawa perched up his eyebrows.

“Whops…Well, now you know.” Iwaizumi said with a shrug. They turned quiet, and the silence made Oikawa realize again that things were not okay at the moment. “Come on, sit down.”

Iwaizumi spread out the blanket he was sitting on, and Oikawa reluctantly sat down next to him, leaving some space between them. In the meantime Iwaizumi grabbed his own thermos jug from behind a pot and poured himself some coffee. Oikawa followed suit. He watched the steam rise from inside the lid that served as a mug, and he felt his stomach contract from the tension building up inside him.

“You’ve been sitting here for long…?” Oikawa asked to break the awkward silence. 

“No. 10 minutes or so. I know you always wake up early.”

Now what was Oikawa going to say? Obviously Iwaizumi had called him up here to talk. How could he explain what had happened yesterday without touching the subject that caused his rationality to dig itself into the ground?

“I’m…sorry.” He repeated the same words as the night before, and Iwaizumi sighed before looking down on his hot coffee. Oikawa side-eyed him, noticing how his thumb was tracing the boarder of the cup and how disconnected his eyes were as they watched the movement. Again Oikawa realized that this situation wasn’t likely about him; He had already had the strong feeling that he had simply been the tip of the iceberg. This time, his voice sounded much more compassionate. “Did something happen yesterday…?”

Iwaizumi stopped his thumb, but his eyes continued to have the same empty look in them. He swallowed, and Oikawa noticed tears welling up inside of them.

Oh no. 

“…I broke up with Azuma.”

…Fuck.

“Shit. I’m so sorry, Iwaizumi…” Oikawa instinctively put his arm around Iwaizumi, gently caressing his shoulder as the man pressed his palm against his eyes. He was shivering from repressing his tears, and Oikawa knew that no words could help. “Do you want to talk about it…?” He asked the question that should have been spoken the night before. Iwaizumi nodded, though he needed a few more moments to be able to speak. Oikawa pulled him closer, wrapping his other arm around him and leaning his head against Iwaizumi’s shoulder. If Iwaizumi wasn’t able to hold himself together, then Oikawa would try. It seemed to help, because Iwaizumi let his hand slide down his face and started talking.

“It…It wasn’t pretty. He wasn’t even mad. He was only desperate, and, fuck…It hurt so much to see him like that. I’ve never wanted to see that expression on his face.” Iwaizumi took a deep, shaky breath before continuing. “But I realized that in the end I’m not his therapist, and I’m not supposed to take over that role. If he gets help and manages to get better I’d love to give him another chance, and I told him as much. I mean, I really don’t want to cut him out of my life. But I’m just so scared that he hurt himself or is planning to do something stupid, and I can’t even help. Airi knows what’s up, I immediately texted her after I left his apartment and she rushed over to look after him. But…But….”

“Fuck…That must have been awful.” Oikawa sympathized, and Iwaizumi nodded quietly. “But I’m sure that Airi is taking good care of Azuma. She would have texted you if something had gone wrong, right? And no matter you might tell yourself later, you made the right decision. Now he sees that he really needs to change his ways.”

“Okay…But what am I going to do in the meantime?” Iwaizumi whispered while wiping away some tears from his cheeks.

“You can take the time to heal. The relationship has obviously strained you.” Oikawa said, repositioning his head.

“…But…I don’t know how to do that by myself…I haven’t been alone in such a long time…” Iwaizumi murmured, and the fragility of the words tore at Oikawa. He never wanted to let him go again.

“You aren’t alone. You have Sugawara, you have your friends at Uni, you have your volleyball team, you have your parents, and you have me, remember? We are friends, and I’ll help you through this. We can do some activities to distract you, and I can kick your ass when you feel too down to do anything.”

Suddenly he felt Iwaizumi’s head leaning against his, and a little smile spread over Oikawa’s face. He wondered what expression Iwaizumi was making, but it probably wasn’t too pretty from all the turmoil happening inside him.

“Number 1 advice: Don’t immediately jump into another relationship to heal. Works like shit.” Oikawa said while scrunching up his nose, and Iwaizumi let out a little, breathless laugh.

“I wouldn’t even do that if I miraculously found someone interested in me.”

This made Oikawa straighten up his head, but Iwaizumi was averting his eyes with a bitter smile on his lips.

“’Miraculously?’ Iwa-chan, in all seriousness, you are a good-looking man with an amazing personality, why do you think no one would like you?”

“Damn, I should have gotten that on tape for the next time you call me ugly.” 

Oikawa pouted before continuing: “I know you are scared of ending up alone, but I really can’t see that happening. I promise you that even if you don’t get together with Azuma again, he won’t be the last one to like you.”

After all one of them was sitting right next to him.

“To be honest, I really don’t want to think of dating another person…” Iwaizumi sighed.

“That’s fair. You don’t have to.”

Iwaizumi paused for a long moment, looking up at the cloud-ridden sky. “But even _if_ , are there really that plenty of fish in the sea? I mean…” Iwaizumi formed a circle with his hands, and Oikawa let go of him to get a better look at what he was doing. “Men. Gay men. People that are looking for a relationship. People that aren’t aromantic. People that are okay with my disability.” In the end only a small circle had remained, and Iwaizumi was looking at it with discouraged eyes.

“But there are still people left.” Oikawa made his point, but Iwaizumi simply sighed again. “And how can you be so sure when you haven’t been in the dating scene for years?” Iwaizumi shrugged.

“My own head, I guess. It can be biggest bitch.” He said and Oikawa nodded, knowing that feeling only too well. 

“Just don’t believe too much of what it tells you.”

They fell quiet, both of them drinking their coffee that had already cooled down significantly in the cold fall morning. Oikawa realized that this would be a beautiful place to watch the sun rise.

“And what was up with you yesterday?” Iwaizumi asked, taking another sip of his coffee. ‘Oh, yeah, that still happened…’ Oikawa looked down on his hands holding the cup, struggling to find an explanation. He couldn’t say the truth, that was for sure. “Not that I was in my best mood, but you seemed on the edge as well. Were you…” Iwaizumi hesitated before continuing more quietly. “Were you annoyed that you had to spend so much time on me lately and I didn’t give anything in return…?”

Oikawa’s eyes widened. “No, oh my god no, Iwa-chan, that didn’t bother me one bit! I’m not the type of guy who does these things because he thinks he has to.” 

Iwaizumi sighed in relief. “Oh, okay, good. Then I didn’t have to worry.”

Good job, Oikawa.

“No, I…I just had a bad day. I’m really sorry, what I said was completely out of line.” Oikawa tried to apologize again.

“If you know that, then I forgive you.” Iwaizumi said, looking up at Oikawa. “Do you really not want to talk about what happened to you?” He asked, but after some played consideration Oikawa shook his head. “Okay. If you change your mind, I’m always here to listen.”

No, he would never be able to tell him that he had simply been a jealous mess.

Iwaizumi poured himself another cup of coffee and took out something from underneath his blanket. It was a Nintendo DS, a little blinking light gently indicating that it was on stand-by. He had probably been playing before Oikawa had arrived.

“I gotta finish up something really quickly, if you don’t mind.” He said. Oikawa wasn’t bothered by it and finished his own drink, looking up at the sun shining weakly through the clouds. He felt more relaxed than he should have been in this situation. But he had coffee, was sitting outside with his good friend and roommate after making up, and the temperature was really agreeable when the wind didn’t blow.

And he felt relieved that the two men had broken up. At first he felt bad for the thought, but he reminded himself that in the end Azuma had been manipulative towards Iwaizumi. It hadn’t a good relationship anymore, and so this wasn’t inherently an egoistic feeling. 

Oikawa looked at the screen of Iwaizumi’s DS, seeing that he was playing Animal Crossing. Ah yeah, there was nothing more relaxing than ripping out some digital weed and talking to friendly animal neighbors. His character was running around town equipped with a net, and within the game it was early morning as well. Seemed like Iwaizumi wasn’t one to change the system time for his own benefit.

“Whatch’a doing?” Oikawa asked, and Iwaizumi gave him a quick look before concentrating on the screen again.

“I want to find a Violin Beetle.” He explained as he strolled through the town, looking at every tree. “It’s one of the last ones I’m missing and it won’t leave my mind.”

“I never liked the bugs in Animal Crossing…” Oikawa said, remembering when he used to play the game on his sister’s console. He would rather decorate his house and the town, but usually he’d get bored of it quite quickly.

“Well, I used to love catching bugs when I was a child, so it has a special place in my heart.” Iwaizumi said, catching some brown bug on the way.

“Uerghs, really?” Oikawa had never understood how people could have those pesky little things as hobby.

“Haha, yeah. To be honest, you get into it really quickly. It’s fascinating how different the bugs can be, and some are even really pretty. Oh, and the satisfaction you get when you finally caught the bug you have been searching for the entire summer.”

“My skin’s crawling just thinking about it.” Oikawa said and shivered demonstratively. “You really must have a shallow sense of beauty.” 

“Well, I find you good-looking, so what does that say about you?” Iwaizumi shot back without even changing his facial expression.

“Wow, rude, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa said dumbfounded, trying not to get excited about the backhanded compliment. Normally Oikawa would have teased back with a big smirk, maybe even leaning closer towards his victim. It always made the girls a cute, embarrassed mess. But this time he couldn’t. He was too nervous, and his façade could dangerously drop if he was too close to Iwaizumi. 

The man continued playing the game, and it seemed like it wasn’t that easy to find the bug he wanted. Oikawa quietly watched him while drinking his coffee, letting his thoughts run loose.

“To be honest, I wonder why you still put up with me.” Oikawa murmured. It probably, no, definitely wasn’t the best time to address this, but it had been on his mind for quite a while. 

“What do you mean by that? You’re my friend, why shouldn’t I put up with you.” Iwaizumi said like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“I know I can be mean and hard to handle.” Oikawa explained, and Iwaizumi looked at the other side of the rooftop before his eyes shifted towards the clouds that pranced around the sky.

“You know, sure, sometimes your words are harsh and not thought out, and you can be really shitty.” Yeah, Oikawa had thought so. It was the reason why he would never- “But your actions show when you really care about something. I understand that you don’t mean to hurt me. You are simply a very silly guy with a lot going on inside him.”

Oikawa put his arms around his legs, leaning his chin in the crease formed by his knees and looking ahead of him. The description really fit him, didn’t it? Iwaizumi grasped Oikawa’s shoulder in a supportive way, and a small, antsy laugh escaped Oikawa. “Thank you.”

“But really, are you doing alright?” Iwaizumi asked. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about this for a while, and since we are already exchanging shitty life situations…Well, I noticed that you are acting less energetic than before. I mean, maybe two or three months before. It’s a bit worrying, and I just wanted to ask how you’ve been holding up…”

Oikawa looked at him with surprised eyes, even though it hadn’t been the first time Iwaizumi had asked. Yes, Oikawa had definitely been more wary around Iwaizumi, but he had still been his jolly self?

“I think I’m doing alright. Maybe it’s just my general situation at the moment.” Oikawa said with a shrug.

“And what would that be?” 

“Well, obviously I miss volleyball like crazy. And work is really starting to get boring. I never knew customers could be so tedious and such idiots.” Oikawa let out a long, desperate sigh. 

“That’s fair.” Iwaizumi said with a laugh. “Heard enough customer horror stories to believe you. And forced breaks really make sports maniacs go insane. How’s it looking? When can you start training again?”

“I have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow, and if everything looks alright I can start with light exercise.” Oikawa scowled at the expression ‘light’.

“Jeez, you really must have messed up your knee.” Iwaizumi said with astonishment. Well, he had never seen Oikawa practice in high school. There, no one had been surprised. “But I hope you can play again before you start university. I’d really like to have a match with you before you move out.”

“Damn right we will do that!” Oikawa exclaimed with enthusiasm. “I told you, I love crushing people. Won’t give up an opportunity like that.” A grin spread over his face, and Iwaizumi’s eyes lit up with determination.

“We will see about that.” He replied with a challenging smirk. Oh, this was going to be good. Oikawa already couldn’t wait for the day to come.

Oikawa let out a satisfied sigh and let his back fall against the railing. Iwaizumi shut down his DS, giving up his hunt for the bug.

“Do you want to do anything today? So you don’t bathe in self-pity and memories?” Oikawa suggested in the spur of the moment. 

“Hmmm…Sure, why not. What would be on your mind?”

After they had talked trough a rough plan they brought their belongings back to their apartment, taking showers in turn and heading out together. They didn’t do anything fancy: First they spent some time at an arcade that was quite empty since all the children were at school. Iwaizumi really sucked at DDR but in turn absolutely massacred Oikawa in fighting games. They even found a booth of ‘The House of the Dead 2’ and tried shooting their way to the end, but they failed. After spending too much money on it they made a vow that one day they were going to beat that bastard.

After they had their fill of video games they walked to the mall and ate some ice cream. Apparently Iwaizumi had never eaten ice cream outside of summer before because his parents had never bought any when the season was over, so obviously Oikawa had to force him to try it. In the end he agreed that it tasted better since you weren’t suffering from a heat stroke while trying to enjoy it. The exception was water ice, but who ate that outside of summer.

They also checked out some stores, and Oikawa teased Iwaizumi to try on some leather jackets - mainly because he wanted to see him wearing it, but Iwaizumi didn’t want to have any of it. He argued that he wanted to look like a decent human being; after all he was going to be a teacher. Oikawa pointed out that one didn’t exclude the other, but Iwaizumi simply grumbled in response.

Their day out ended up being quite an interesting experience to Oikawa. Iwaizumi couldn’t talk too much since he had used a lot of words that morning, and Oikawa naturally adapted to the fewer exchange of words. After a while he realized what the consequences of that were. They had to pay more attention towards each other to know where the other was headed, and to communicate through small hand movements or facial expression. Oikawa even realized that he was starting to notice more of what was right in front of him. It was fun in completely its own way. And if the two really had to discuss something, Iwaizumi would just whip out his smartphone to swiftly type down a message.

It was something Oikawa really could get used to.  
__________________

“So, it looks like it has gotten a bit worse again…” The doctor said as he tapped the pen against his chin.

“Only a bit.” Oikawa countered, dreading that if he was too honest the date for being able to exercise would be postponed again.

“Did you train?” He asked, taking up the file where he noted down Oikawa’s progress.

“No. That wasn’t training. But my knee did get strained. I…ran for a bit.” Oikawa didn’t really want to remember that evening, especially that now things were good again. The doctor took up on his discomfort and didn’t ask for any details.

“Hmm, I see…But I think we can still go ahead and start with your exercise regime.” This wasn’t what Oikawa had expected, and he immediately straightened his posture. “You strengthened your muscles well, and they should be able to support your knee now, if you don’t stress it too much. Take care that whatever happened to make you go running doesn’t happen again. If you want to you can also start with light volleyball practice, just refrain from doing any jumps or crazy movements. We still want to avoid any strong impacts on the knee. And warm up nicely, as always. We’ll see each other again in two weeks and then we’ll see how it went. If you need it we can always involve a physiotherapist again.”

“Yes! Thank you!” Oikawa had thought this day would never come. Yes, he still had to be careful, but he had the okay from the doctor to get back into business!

“This would be all for today, Mr. Oikawa. See you in two weeks then. Take care.”

“Yes! See you in two weeks!”

Oikawa had a spring in his step when he got out of the doctor’s office, in his hand the training regime he had put together and had showed to the doctor. This was finally the first step to becoming his real self again. He was excited, especially because he would soon have to turn in his university applications. His favorite pick was stationed in Tokyo, but honestly speaking he wasn’t too sure if he would get accepted. There were many capable athletes that would try to get a spot for their sports program. Even though Oikawa had graduated quite well, he still had taken a year off. He had to hope that the University would understand his reasoning of bettering his knee before going full force into his studies. Maybe if he had beaten Ushijima his chances would be better.

He really hoped the guy wouldn’t get accepted into the same university as him.

Just thinking about him put Oikawa in a foul mood, and the people on the street were cautiously looking at him as his face expressed the hate he felt towards that man. He was grumbling while walking past a bookstore, when something in the display caught his eye. With slowing steps he halted in front of it, pondering on this spontaneous idea. That…

Would it be a bad idea? 

Oikawa already knew that he didn’t have a chance against himself, and he cautiously entered the bookstore.  
__________________

“Do you have any news of Azuma?” Sugawara asked while sitting on the floor with crossed legs and his side leaning against the couch. 

As soon as he had heard the news of the breakup, which had been the evening after Oikawa had found out, he had said that he would come over. They had settled for the next day, so it was only now that they were sitting in the living room, almost ready to head out for an afternoon snack in the city. But Sugawara had wanted to talk about the situation beforehand to minimize the possibility of Iwaizumi having a meltdown in public. It was obvious that talking helped Iwaizumi, even if it hurt terribly at the moment.

“Yes, he actually texted me himself.” Iwaizumi started, readjusting his position on the sofa to sit cross-legged as well. Oikawa looked up at him in surprise before glancing at Sugawara who was sitting vis-à-vis to him, though Oikawa was seated at the low living room table. Oikawa would have expected Azuma to only communicate through Airi for the moment, but it seemed that he had judged him wrong. “He went to a crisis intervention center to stay safe.”

“That’s a very responsible decision.” Sugawara said, but he still looked a bit tense. Oikawa stayed quiet, because contrary to the other two men in the room he didn’t have any experience with these topics. He hadn’t even known that crisis intervention centers existed.

“Yeah. Especially because he had always refused to get help…But I’m glad that the burden won’t fall completely on Airi now.”

“So he finally listened to you” Sugawara added, and Iwaizumi frowned.

“A little too late.” He said sharply, a turmoil of emotions contained behind those words. “But I think it’s exactly as you told me yesterday, Oikawa. Now he finally sees that he has to change something. He texted me a long message where he told me that he wants to get better and to change himself. Our…breakup made him realize just how unstable he is, and that the only thing that had been keeping everything from breaking down had been me. I’m sure he has a long road ahead of him, and I really want to support him through it…Who knows, maybe there’s hope for the future…?” But those words didn’t let Iwaizumi appear sincerely hopeful. Instead he looked like he was grasping at any string that could connect his fate with Azuma’s again.

Sugawara picked up on this mood, and he looked sternly at Iwaizumi, putting his hand on his knee. Oikawa stole a quick look at where they connected, the thought of wanting to be in Sugawara’s place speeding through his mind before disappearing again in the midst of the situation.

“Iwaizumi. I know you want him to get better, probably more than anyone else. You’ve known him for so long, and he’s dear to you. But I sincerely think that it won’t help him if you stay too connected, because every time he would see you he would get dragged into the past again. And even if you would, _hypothetically_ , get together again, and it happened too soon, he might relapse into the same thinking patterns.” 

“But he finally got help, which means something has already changed, so we could-“

“Iwaizumi, _no_.” Iwaizumi’s words stopped dead in their tracks, and his tired eyes shifted down towards his crossed legs. “Before you can decide anything you have to work through this breakup. You want him back because that’s what you’ve known for years. We talked a lot about Azuma together, and you know that what has been keeping you together were your memories of old times and the feeling of belonging.” Sugawara paused for a moment. “Y’know, if it helps you for now, you can keep the hope that one day you could get together again. If fate wants it, then it will make it happen. But for your own sake, give yourself time to work through this. You’ve been fixated on Azuma for such a long time, and it will take some getting used to not having him in your life anymore, but I think it’ll do you good to concentrate on yourself for once. And other things have stayed, right? I’m still here, your family is still the same, and now you’ve got an amazing roommate.”

“I agree with Suga.” Oikawa added awkwardly, not knowing how to be really supportive in this third-wheel situation. He was happy when they could finally head out, when he could cheer Iwaizumi up by distracting him from everything keeping him trapped in his own mind.

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.” Iwaizumi sighed, closing his eyes. Sugawara gave him a little clap on the knee before getting up.

“That’s good enough for now. Come on, let’s get out of this stuffy apartment and go enjoy the outside world!” Sugawara tried shifting the mood, and while Oikawa immediately snatched on, chattering with him about what they had planned for today, it took Iwaizumi a moment to get his energy up. No one could blame him, though.

They headed out together, cozily packed in warm jacket and scarves. Sugawara looked immensely adorable in his light blue scarf, but Oikawa didn’t dare mentioning it. Iwaizumi was simply wearing a short, black scarf. He was the more practical type anyways. Nothing compared to Oikawa, whose fluffy, white scarf felt like a warm blanket wrapped around his shoulders. His mom had gotten it for him two years back, and it was one of his favorite ones. It reminded him of her, and he took a mental note that he should call her later today.

“You know, I had a really weird thought yesterday.” Sugawara said, looking ahead of him with a gaze that showed that he didn’t really care if anyone was listening. “What if one day an incident happened where suddenly every person with a high limit had a low limit and vice versa? Like, kinda as if the poles would switch, but instead with our limits? Wouldn’t that be so weird?”

“Write a novel about it.” Iwaizumi murmured, actually sounding a little bit intrigued.

“You sure have weird thoughts, Sugawara.” Oikawa replied. Before meeting people with low limits he had never given much thought to his ability to speak. Trying to imagine what it would be like for him to have a low limit still felt alien to him. He was so dependent on his words.

“It would probably be quite chaotic.” Sugawara said. “I mean person A would suddenly be barely able to say anything, and person B wouldn’t know what to do with all the words they can use. I wonder if it would change how they view the world?”

“Definitely.” Oikawa agreed. “But I think it would be cooler if we had the possibility to switch limits between people. So we can try out what the other side feels like, and then change it back.” Iwaizumi looked up at Oikawa.

“But that wouldn’t be dramatic enough!” Sugawara expressed with the little mania flickering behind his eyes that every creative person experienced. 

“We gotta think realistically, Suga!”

“Don’t tell that to a med student!” 

“Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.” Oikawa snickered, but Sugawara continued.

“To be honest, sometimes even reality feels a bit like a novel. Isn’t the fact that we even have limits so weird? But hey, did you know that they are working on surgeries to help raise your limit?” Sugawara said, and Oikawa raised his eyebrows with intrigue.

“Really? That sounds dangerous.” He said, his throat feeling weird at the thought of it.

“It’s finicky, so yeah, there is still a lot of testing needed before the first human gets the surgery. An issue is definitely that we are the only organism that experiences a limit of this nature, so we can’t even research it as extensively as we want to.” 

“But what you said before, Oikawa…” Iwaizumi suddenly interrupted the conversation, and both men looked at him. “I don’t think anyone with a high limit would give up their privilege just to have someone with a low limit try out the opposite.” Oikawa looked at him surprised. He was still stuck at that topic?

“Why not? Maybe if they are strangers they wouldn’t, but between friends, or maybe as an experiment in class? I know I would let you try it out with me.” He said with a genuine voice, and Iwaizumi’s eyes glided towards the floor. Hm, had he said something wrong? Just then Oikawa remembered what Sugawara had told him some time ago: Iwaizumi used to be bullied in school because of his limit. That had likely left some scars, especially if the bullies had been high limit children like Oikawa and Akira used to be, and so he probably didn’t want to remember anything involving school.

“I think it would rock as a class experiment. Would fucking show these idiotic brats that having a low limit isn’t fun.” 

Oikawa’s eyes widened for a short instant. It was the first time he had heard Sugawara swear. The man obviously felt strongly about this topic, but that wasn’t anything new. Instead Oikawa appreciated that Sugawara didn’t look at him while saying these words. 

Why would he even, they didn’t know what Oikawa had done, and it was better that way. He had to take control over the conversation before the focus could shift towards himself, who had been a high limit kid. Not that he didn’t agree with Sugawara: He wished that an experiment like that would have been possible. It would have opened his eyes so much sooner. But he didn’t want to talk about it now.

“You say it. Oh, but I wish I could see Iwaizumi suddenly being able to say so many words. I bet he wouldn’t shut up about volleyball and boys.” Iwaizumi squinted and looked up at Oikawa.

“I have more personality than that.”

“Don’t you lie, Iwaizumi, I know what our chat log looks like.” Sugawara chimed in with a knowing grin.

“Hey, don’t stab me in the back like that!” Iwaizumi complained, straightening his shoulders to look at Sugawara with unpleased eyes, but the man simply continued looking smugly at him. Their facial expressions were so funny that Oikawa couldn’t help but laugh. “And don’t you act like you are any different, Oikawa!” Iwaizumi said in a snappy way to hide the slight embarrassment that Sugawara was indeed right.

“Whaaat?” Oikawa played along with staged incredulity. “Not at all! I’m into boys and girls, so I talk about one more thing than you! That’s way different!”

Iwaizumi rolled his eyes and let his gaze stop at the sky, letting out a breathy laugh at how ridiculous their little group was. He wasn’t the only one enjoying it. Sugawara joined his little laugh while Oikawa kept up his role of looking proud for no reason.

They spent the entire afternoon in the same aloof way, simply being friends that enjoyed their times out together. It even looked like Iwaizumi was able to relax, and only the occasional break in his amused expression would let the others know that he was in fact not okay. Every time Oikawa would find a way to break him out of it, be it by sprinkling some bread behind him while they were sitting in the park only to be assaulted by more ducks than he had anticipated, by going on a playful rant of a topic that might be interesting or by gently poking his arm and smiling understandingly.

Every time Sugawara would give him a side-eyed look that always ended with a smile. Oikawa noticed his reactions, and he hoped that Sugawara wasn’t catching on to what Oikawa’s behavior could mean.

Because as the afternoon went on, Oikawa’s thoughts also had the time to process the happenings of the last two days. 

Namely that Iwaizumi was now single. 

Oikawa didn’t really know what to do with that information. Yes, for now Iwaizumi had to heal, and that could take quite some time from what Oikawa knew about long-term couples breaking up. But that period wasn’t going to last forever. Maybe, and that was just a big maybe as Oikawa’s mind didn’t want that forceful need to break through just yet, but maybe after all of that Iwaizumi would consider him? And if Oikawa helped him get over his ex-boyfriend, maybe his chances would be even better?

No. No. He had to stop it. It didn’t change the fact that they were roommates. That was just an absolute no-go.

…

But what about after that? When Oikawa was going to move out to attend university? Maybe-

No. He wasn’t going to have time. Someone like Iwaizumi deserved a lot of time dedicated to him. 

…

But maybe Oikawa could make it work?

Again and again Oikawa tried to reason against himself, but the more he failed to properly counter his emerging thoughts, the more his determination faltered. It didn’t take long for him to realize that he had told himself all these reasons because Azuma had been there.

But now…Without Azuma…

They could find a way, couldn’t they?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!
> 
> A little note from me that will stay up until the next chapter comes out. I wanted to avoid any text or rambling in the chapter notes, but alas, I think this time I have to.
> 
> I’m going to be honest. These last few months my mental health has been taking a very bad turn again. I won’t go into many details, but we’re now scheduling a 3-month stay at a day clinic. I’m not sure when exactly I’m going to get in, and I’m not sure how much mental capacity I’ll have left for writing during that time of intense therapy. Maybe it’ll even be a nice change. I honestly don’t know. 
> 
> This project is quite dear to me for reasons I’ll talk about when the last chapter is out, so don’t be worried that I’ll drop this work. I won’t. I have the entire story mapped out, and I sincerely love writing it.
> 
> So, if the updates will take a little bit longer again, please understand.
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter and will stick around for the next one. :) I’m already excited to write some of the scenes that are lying ahead! Until then, have this little Iwaoi Angst I edited one and a half years ago: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jCif9jFlQ-o
> 
> -Nathan


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